Facebook Idiot of the Week

by Rammspieler

Hi folks. As you may notice, it's me, Rammspieler who is writing this week's Facebook Idiot. Ever since the V-Tech thing, I wanted to follow along in this sites trolling efforts on all the V-Tech memorial sites, so I made an account on Facebook. But after that, well, I see Facebook for what it really is. A fascist, indie fuck version of Myspace, where all the pretentious emos go to whine about shit. But I think we all know that. I just needed to get it off my chest. But believe me when I say that compared to this site, Myspace is a haven for free speech and a bonanza of material, because quite frankly Facebook is boring. Anyway, on to this week's Idiot!

The search method: I was originally looking for some dumbass right wing group to mock. Any group would have done the trick. So I just typed into the search for "Minutemen" and voila, this came out on the top of the list! Not quite what I expected, but its mere existence proved to me that sometimes Facebook does yield funny shit from time to time.

The California Minutemen

Behold what is perhaps the lamest appropriation of a name from a controversial and unintentionally funny group of right wing fucks ever undertaken by a group of Liberal fucks. The California Minutemen: Or How to Make Your Insignificant Group of Grassroots College Liberals Sound Cool. As you may notice, much like Juggalos, the California Minutemen like to come off as a group of radical, tough as nails and as in your face as your local sXe scene (a.k.a. Neo-Nazi Youth). But when confronted by reality and their own contradictions, they instead come off as just about every other half-baked campus peace movement found in any overly liberal college in America. Working with the law to destroy the very institutions that it protects by means of things like "civil obedience"? "clever consumerism"? Fucking "peaceful protests"?! And yet we are expected to believe that these people are a radical group of liberal revolutionaries? As Zombie Cho Seung-Hui would say: "NIGGA PREASE!"

Oh I see what intrepid California Minutemen leader, Chris Hopkins means by civil obedience. Basically it means to act like a suburban cracker and act all hardcore, until The Man threatens to call the cops on you. Then it's time to do what any other cracker would do: run like bitches! I don't know what books on organizing protests Chris has been reading. But the question that begs to be answered is, since when did Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. ever win independence for India or civil rights for blacks by running like bitches when the cops came? Any takers? Alas, we see why today's Left is but a cruel joke. Because people like O'Reilly are right when they say that the Left is full of Nancy Boys. On the other hand, I like how Chris juxtaposes a Nazi Swastika behind him in some attempt to either come off as a badass or just ironic.

So the tactics of becoming a successful California Minuteman apparently involve doing a whole lot of nothing save for acting like an idiot (ski mask), doing completely inconsequential shit to what the proposed aims of the group are (help out at the animal shelter and perhaps make time with the future Crazy Cat Lady), annoy the fuck out of people (calling people just to ask how they're doing and ask for their opinions on stupid shit, when the victim has better shit to do), rape someone (make out with someone, no matter what your sexual preference is, but if you do it with your own sex, the better as THAT WILL SHOW THE MAN!), annoy people again (making shitty acoustic guitar protest songs) and inviting people to the group. Yes, I am certain that by annoying the fuck out of people 90% of the time, you will really be helping to make America a better place.

I'm not going to make any witty comparisons of this group to any particular notable persons, as Doom likes to do, because quite frankly, I suck at making comparisons. But I would like to say this. If you would like to join a real group of young radicals who are aiming to change their government, then look no further. Join my newly formed political party: the Assholes For a Better Puerto Rico Party, or DPPRM as it's known in Spanish. No need to worry though, you don't necessarily have to know Spanish to enter or even be Puerto Rican. All you need is a pulse and the will to blow shit up along with me down in Puerto Rico and initiate a popular oriented fascist regime. It's fucking cool!