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The Ex Review |
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by: Doom and Nixon 2007-06-13 Amanda Peet's wife character referred to Zach Braff's as 'big nose'. ANTI-SEMITE. |
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The Last Kiss Review |
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by: Doom, Steve Niles and Superboy-Prime 2007-01-03 I have an eternal hatred for Zach F. Braff. First brought to life by Scrubs and stoked by his turn as said fucking doctor on Scrubs, it soon grew into a wildfire with his directorial and writing and starring debut, Garden State. As you remember, I hated Garden State. I still do to such a great extent, it causes my nicest, most serene dreams to involve me stabbing Zach Braff repeatedly in his chest and cutting his vocal cords so he can't complain that dying makes me feel dead inside. |
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The Arcade Fire - Funeral Review |
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The Arcade Fire - Funeral Review by: Doom 2006-09-17 The Arcade Fire? A burning Galaga machine? Pac-Man Fever gone horribly wrong? A piece of shit indie rock band? Yes, no, no, and yes, though one may attribute the Arcade Fire's suckiness to too much listening of Pac-Man Fever. Pac-Man Fever provides an ample explanation as to why they wear waistcoats, why The Arcade Fire is loved by idiots and ironic hipster pricks the world over, and lastly why I want them to be killed brutally by a bunch of humorously named ghosts. |
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Clap Your Hands Say FUCK NO |
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by: Doom 2006-09-09 All great indie bands are ones with completely confusing, nondescriptive, pretentious and idiotic names. For example, I can't even pronounce Xiu Xiu when I'm drunk. Or The Arcade Fire when I still have dignity for myself. Or Yo La Tengo unless while drinking lots and lots of tequila. |
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I Heart Huckabees Review |
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by: Doom, Nixon and the Red Fox 2006-05-04 Now Can Kill More Brain Cells Than a Stroke |
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Thumbsucker Review |
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by: Doom 2006-04-14 I should mention that this is the first and likely last movie where throughout I thought "I really wish this scene had Keanu Reeves" or "This movie needs more Vince Vaughn". It's just that bad, people. |
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Garden State Review |
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by: Doom 2006-04-05 If I were Irish I'd call it 'Garden Shite'. |
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Blankets: Shut the fuck up, Craig Thompson |
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by: Doom 2006-03-15 Additionally, John Blankets is a dreamer who wants to escape this restrictive and bland existence, he draws a lot, he's smart but doesn't apply himself in school and his teachers note that in expository paragraphs, and he has trouble talking to girls. Why...that sounds like the childhood of nearly everyone I know, more or less! |
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Vincent Gallo is the fucking Anti-Christ |
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by: Doom 2006-02-27 My first experience with Mr. Gallo was his movie The Brown Bunny, which I reviewed for this very site last week. From that viewing of The Brown Bunny, other than a severe case of wanting to kill myself and others, I noticed that Vincent Gallo really loves himself. Half of the shots in the movie that aren't of driving are of his head and his baby blue pedophile eyes. It's clear that he thinks highly of himself when he assigns himself to half of the film's duties and writes in a scene where he gets a blowjob from his real life ex-girlfriend. A scene wherein he demands his ex-girlfriend to never suck a cock other than his. Even rapists in porno movies are generally less shrill, annoying and demanding. |
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The Brown Bunny Review |
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by: Doom 2006-02-14 The only way this cost $10 million is if they factored in the 10 $1 million dollar mouthfuls of Gallo's sperm Sevigny drank during the fellatio scene. |
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An Indie Primer |
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by: Doom and Scarecrow 2006-02-14 There's also the issue of selling out. If an indie act becomes known by people other than the insular indie community they are accused of being sell-outs for trying to court an audience that could actually give them MONEY. Hipsters are so self-righteous on this issue it's insane, especially since greed is the number one factor for doing things for everyone unless you're a damn Marxist or Buddhist or one of them God hating Satanist groups. Selling out is a constant fear in any hipster's life so this is their rationalization for never becoming successful - if they become successful they've sold out - instead of the logic answer, that they are talentless fuckwads with directionless, meaningless lives. |
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