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The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.
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The Impending Gamer Holocaust |
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by: Hardcore Gamer 2008-08-20 We're being discriminated against and will soon maybe be forced to pay an extra 50 or 60 cents when buying video games. Didn't some guy a couple hundred years ago once say no taxation without representation? I think so. If we allow for shit like this to happen, it's a slippery slope. Yes, the slope is definitely slippery. If you give those bloodsuckers in Washington an inch they'll take a mile a few months later. By allowing ourselves to be taxed like common criminals we're totally setting ourselves up for something, man. |
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Furioso's NMAdventures |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso 2008-07-20 I've been on regular on NMA long enough to know that like any other website, they're bound to get a few caterpillars in the buttermilk, a few nooses dipped in the pudding and a few poorly thought out analogies that sounded better in my head than they do here. To make my last sentence a good deal less bizarre, I'm going to use a direct comparison now. Much like we at the Daily Raider has SORRY MUTHA FUCKA ADIOS, Cipriani, Captain Canuck and Tremor affiliated with us, NMA has had a few interesting characters that have been... well, worthy of Internet satire and more importantly, my personal ire. |
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Vladimir Cole: We Miss You, You Stupid Fuck |
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Vladimir Cole: We Miss You, You Stupid Fuck by: Doom 2008-06-30 It was fairly obvious throughout Vlad's blogging on Joystiq that he preferred Microsoft over Sony and especially Nintendo. This was not shown in entire entries but rather in passing mention and in the overall tone of his works. You know how people obliquely champion their political cause by criticizing the opposite? Like, liberals mock McCain more than they praise Obama? The same is true of console war morons. They bash the other console while not championing their console of choice's merits mainly because those merits are ambiguous and subjective, unlikely to win over any nonbelievers. |
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Resident Evil 5 is racist! |
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by: Josiah X 2008-06-25 White man, Chris Redfield, going down to Africa and killing some black folk for no real fucking reason beyond the obvious reason of he's a racist and hates black folk. Yeah, I'm motherfucking sure he's doing it because 'they're zombies'. Haven't we heard this excuse before, people? To me it's just another motherfucking 'hey, he was running and I thought he had a gun on him and you know their pants are so baggy it's easy to think you saw a bulge and therefore I think it was okay to shoot him so where's my NYPD nigger killing trophy as soon as I get that we should all go play golf with the nigger's testicles and fuck our black mistresses for irony value' lameass excuse. |
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Hardcore Gaming |
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by: Doom 2008-03-19 Why the fuck does professional gaming exist? Why do people get paid for it? Yes, I understand that by my logic one could argue "why do sports players get paid?". At least in the cases of sports, spectating can be fun. You ever watch some play a game? In the back of your mind you think "boy, I wish I could play", not "this sure is enjoyable to watch". Koreans broadcasting Starcraft matches on television proves something deficient in Korean culture, not that watching video games is somehow fun. |
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Astonishing Emasculated Panorama of the End Times |
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Astonishing Emasculated Panorama of the End Times by: Doom 2008-03-02 Video games are not necessarily an activity which males have any logical reason to dominate. Girls' reflexes can be just as good if not better. How else would you explain volleyball. Males having proficiency over females in the hobby, I think, is solely based on the twin presumptions that video games is a nerd thing and all nerds are men. The existence of Television Without Pity has proven the latter incorrect and the popularity of Guitar Hero I-XXXV proves the former incorrect. |
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Game of the Year 2007 |
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by: Doom, Bruce Banner/The Hulk, Generalissimo Furioso, Nerdlinger and Todd Howard 2008-02-20 Also finally fucking here! |
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Game of the Year 2006 |
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by: Doom, Rammspieler, Bruce Banner/The Hulk and Generalissimo Furioso 2008-01-09 Finally fucking here! |
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Online gamer profiling |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso and Nightcrawler 2007-12-19 The community in the online world is large and diverse, and because of that, there is no end of people who get on your nerves. There are psychos and dicks out there from all walks of life, and the stupidity of many of them never ceases to amaze me. |
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Guys |
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by: Todd Howard 2007-12-12 Guys. |
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The Bloatmann Affair |
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by: Doom 2007-12-02 Jeff Gerstmann certainly isn't some fucking paragon of journalism, either. At best he was a mediocre reviewer and at worst he was a hack asshole who couldn't opine worth a damn. He worked for Gamespot for 10 years, which should tell you he lost all common sense at least 9 years ago. I still remember his fucking awful review of Twilight Princess. I'm not saying it was horrible because he gave it an 8.8. I'm saying it was horrible because it was horrible; the criticisms were arbitrary, the critique worthless and the score just a transparent attempt at courting controversy and creating name recognition. |
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Fallout 3 Will Suck |
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by: Doom, Rammspieler and Generalissimo Furioso 2007-09-04 It will. Don't question it. No. Don't. There's no possible way for it to be any good. Not a way. Not a method. Not a possibility. Nothing. Not even an act of God. No. Don't bother trying to come up with arguments or counter-arguments or mount any kind of inquiry to prove reasons why there's theoretically a possibility of Fallout 3 being good. There's no way to argue against something already proven (Fallout 3's suckitude). It's not Schrödinger's Cat. The poison gas is already in that fucking box and you cannot deny the pungent stench of failure any longer. |
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Game Head: The EA Chicago Review |
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Game Head: The EA Chicago Review by: Generalissimo Furioso 2007-09-03 Keighley is also the only man who would complain about John Madden being nowhere in this game; for some, that is a good thing because he never added anything other than a annoying advice option where he would state the fucking obvious. But to take the cake, Geoff whines about the lack of online league play. BIG FUCKING DEAL! IF IT WAS IN MADDEN 05, PLAY THAT INSTEAD OF THIS ONE AND SAVE YOURSELF THE DAMN MONEY FOR NEW ROSTERS AND SLIGHTLY IMPROVED GRAPHICS! |
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Multiplayer is not an Excuse for Shit |
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Multiplayer is not an Excuse for Shit by: Generalissimo Furioso 2007-08-05 The fact of the matter is, Multiplayer is making it appear as though a vast majority of gamers want games that are short, yet filled with multiplayer zanyness... That couldn't be further from the truth. It's true that there is a vast group of gamers that enjoy shooting each other with plasma rockets and flaming jars of feces, but there are even more people who appreciate engaging gameplay and well-told stories. Unfortunately, much like Hollywood is being dominated by people like Michael Bay and Bruckheimer, gaming is being run by people like Cliffy B. and Todd Howard. People who have this weird frat boy mentality that Rockets-Only Deathmatches can easily take the place of plot development and capture the flag is a character all it's own (see Cole Trane). |
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How to create a game of the year contender |
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How to create a game of the year contender by: RoboCop 2006-12-06 The game itself will have to be a first-person shooter because, if what the frat boys tell me is true, RPGs and every other type of game except for sports games but including soccer are for fags. You can only get rich by selling out to the casuals, folks. |
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Console War |
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by: Expendable Sony Executive #524, Expendable Sony Executive #922, Senior Industry Analyst David Manning, Market Research Analyst John Sony, Analyst Rudy T. Rootkit, Doom, Expendable Sony Executive #804 and Rammspieler 2006-08-18 Expendable Sony Executive #922: Sony = first by a mile. Microsoft = pathetic second. Nintendo = dead last. Handheld market = doesn't matter. Dead market within 5 years. You can extrapolate the current market shares of the respective companies and arrive at a logical conclusion as to where everything will be. Keep in mind just because I'm paid in pesos by Sony to work for them, it doesn't mean Sony pays me to be an analyst. I certainly work as a freelance analyst, yessir. |
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The new E3 |
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by: Expendable Sony Executive #524 2006-08-04 E3 deserved to die! E3 gave way too much attention to companies that weren't Sony, such as Microsoft and Nintendo. We at Sony, if we're going to go to the trouble of attending a convention, feel we shouldn't have to deal with pesky 'competition' or 'differing views' or 'criticism'. |
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A Completely Accurate History of Video Games |
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A Completely Accurate History of Video Games by: Expendable Sony Executive #524 2006-07-05 1993: DOOM, the first truly popular first person shooter [a genre idea id software stole from Sony in 1995 and then went back in time and used] for a 'platform' called the PC. A folly, because the PC will soon become obsolete by the release of the Playstation 3 if not already due to the hard drive upgrade for the Playstation 2. Also, DOOM caused the horrific Columbine shootings. Sony has yet to be the cause behind any shootings, though the company has been the cause behind lots of financial success and fan satisfaction over the years. |
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E3 2006: Software Roundup |
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by: Bruce Banner/The Hulk 2006-05-21 HULK JUST CARE ABOUT FACT THAT EVERY DEVELOPER THAT ROCKSTAR BUYS STARTS SUCKING! FOR EXAMPLE, BMX XXX, MAX PAYNE 2, SURFING H30, STATE OF EMERGENCY, RED DEAD REVOLVER, ALL GAMES BY DEVELOPERS WHO WORK AT ROCKSTAR RIGHT NOW! OTHER THAN GTA, WHICH HULK WILL GET TO LATER, NO ONE MAKES ANY GOOD GAMES FOR ROCKSTAR! BULLY WILL PROBABLY BE DISAPPOINTING BECAUSE ROCKSTAR NEVER IS ABLE TO DO WELL WITH A GOOD PREMISE, LIKE WHEN COWBOY WESTERN BECAME MIDGET CLOWNS. NUFF SAID! |
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The PSMOnline Forums |
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by: Doom and Rammspieler 2006-05-04 You weren't born with a dick in your mouth, buddy!
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No More Mega Man Games |
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by: Doom 2006-04-14 MegaMan Battle Network could be summed up in the words MegaMan Battle Network, but I'll go the more inflammatory way of describing it: Yu-Gi-Oh meets robots meets I want to die after playing it. I know what you're thinking: "Capcom making a Mega Man card game equivalent? Even they're not that stupid!" Sorry to inform you, but they are in fact that stupid. Not only that, but since the spinoff series began in 2001, there have been a total of 5 releases in said series. There is no way you can justify it with any reason other than "I like money, and I need more money so I can get a new car made out of gold diamonds". |
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GameHead |
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by: Scarecrow 2006-01-23 There is a theory I've been toying around with for some time, now. Instead of there only being this Earth, the one we're aware of, there is in fact two different parallel universes that while being startlingly similar, are amazingly different. The other Earth I've been observing is highly warped and evil. For years, I've been trying to find the one differentiating factor that attributed to the highly noticeable contrasts between our planet and this other one. After much research, I've finally stumbled upon the answer: Geoff Keighley. |
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Online Gaming III: The Search for Online Gaming II |
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Online Gaming III: The Search for Online Gaming II by: Rammspieler 2005-10-15 I'll be honest and say that for being a team of newbies, my teammates caught on pretty fast. But the reasons why they caught on so quick, namely the general disregard for such things as sleep, family, real life and the star that our world orbits that is known amongst scientific circles as the sun that online gamers have, as well as LFD's inherent bitchtude and Miss Kay's hilarious obsession with online games were what led to my now permanent hatred for such games.
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The Nokia N-Gage |
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by: The Red Fox 2005-05-24 Games on the N-Gage system will also be one of a kind as well. As it turns out, all the games have to be purchased online in order to place them on your phone. It just makes me wonder how fast games will be available on the internet. I'm guessing the pirating of all the N-Gage games will begin, I don't know, about five seconds after the game is taken from the N-Gage web site. I can't wait to see how long it takes Nokia to realize that people will be able to so easily steal their games. It will probably be a few years before Wiener realizes "Hey, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to sell games over the internet." Though it's improbable that it'll actually happen, because I doubt that pirates would want N-Gage games. |
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Online Gaming |
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by: Rammspieler 2005-02-15 One day, while I was leveling up on my own and strangely having fun for once, these two players come in. A Barbarian and an Amazon. I thought I made the room private, but I guess not. I didn't want to be rude, so I invited them to make a party with me, but they kept on refusing, but they didn't turn hostile on me either. That's when things started to get a little “heated”. My game room just turned into The Diablo 2 Shack of Love! |
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EA Triumphant! |
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by: Doom 2005-02-08 For a game with a plot that seemed like it was written by a ten year old, this game actually has pretty good graphics. The different selectable characters do look like they do in real life and even the audience has some reaction to them. There were a few problems when my character kept losing his arm into the mat, however. Other than that this was probably the best graphics in a wrestling game that I have ever seen. |
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More like IGN |
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by: Nixon 2005-01-12 I mean, they can crank out quality reviews everyday for every platform, while we can barely slap a review together a week. Plus, look at all the diverse personalities. There’s the guy who likes video games, and the other guy who likes video games, and the guy paid to like video games. Oh, and the one guy who likes cars and gets kept in a corner. Let us never forget him. |
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Game of The Year 2004 |
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by: Doom and Nixon 2004-12-29 IGN decided not to post their overall winners until 2005. The idea of playing every game equally so as to be fair is good in theory - in theory. The problem is that by mid-January, no one will care about the actual awards - the ship has already sailed on that. And wouldn't the overall awards just be pitting the overall winners on each system [plus runner ups] against each other? It doesn't seem all that difficult. |
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MS Halo Helper on Games! |
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by: MS Halo Helper 2004-11-05 Plus, I love reading OXM, Nintendo Power, and Official PS2 Magazine, especially the American versions. God bless America! See they never fail to tell me what’s best about their system, and never fail to back it up with great scores! I can’t believe some people call them bias, I love self promoting, and it’s great to be confident! |
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A Tribute to the Daily Radar |
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by: Doom 2004-08-25 The reviewing scheme was rather daft, as well. There were "Direct Hits", there were "Hits", there were "Misses", and [as this is Hee-Haw] "Radishes". Even made up, crudely drawn numbers are better than that inane shit. I cannot stress how idiotic this rating system is. |
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