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The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.
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Quantum of Solace: The Game Review |
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Quantum of Solace: The Game Review by: Generalissimo Furioso 2008-11-12 The story of FU has been called many things: mature, dark, gritty, incandescent. All of those descriptions are lies, bold-faced lies delivered by lying lie-bags of lies who wouldn't know a good story if walked up behind them and sodomized them with a broomstick (or a plunger if you live in New York City). |
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Star Wars: The Force Unleashed Review |
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Star Wars: The Force Unleashed Review by: Generalissimo Furioso 2008-11-12 The story of FU has been called many things: mature, dark, gritty, incandescent. All of those descriptions are lies, bold-faced lies delivered by lying lie-bags of lies who wouldn't know a good story if walked up behind them and sodomized them with a broomstick (or a plunger if you live in New York City). |
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King of Fighters XI Review |
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by: Jedi Guardian 2008-08-13 Here at the Raider we play video games of many genres (well, except sport games and MMORPGS). But because we try to review so many games, we forget to review some. We cover some sleeper hits (Okami, STALKER), but we miss some. In short: I want to review a fighting game. |
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Raider/Counter-Raider: Fat Princess |
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Raider/Counter-Raider: Fat Princess by: Hardcore Gamer and Ms. Feminist 2008-07-23 Only very occasionally do the streams of fat, ugly bloggers who have nothing better to do than make up controversies to boost their traffic and whiny, nerdy, insecure, childish gamers who have the rhetorical skills of that kid on Xbox Live who questions your sexuality based on your capture the flag methods cross. It's an exciting thing, people, like the Northern Lights or a space shuttle exploding upon takeoff. |
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God of War 2 Review |
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by: Jedi Guardian 2008-07-20 *takes a deep breath* Man, It's been too long since I wrote a review. The smell of coming back to the Raider is nostalgic (to say the least). In short, I'm glad I'm back. To show my excitement. I'll review a game that should have been written about 6 months ago (I blame laziness for this). I will review a blockbuster, a sequel to the award-winning, ever popular game God of War. The sequel has drama, action, not romance (got ya!) and gore. Oh, yes. Lots and lots of gore. |
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Ratchet and Clank Future: Tools of Destruction Review |
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Ratchet and Clank Future: Tools of Destruction Review by: Autistic Guy 2007-12-05 Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank Ratchet and Clank |
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Manhunt 2 Review |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso 2007-11-18 Back in the dark period between Grand Theft Auto: Vice City and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, Rockstar wanted to release a game that gave a different take on the stealth/action genre. Instead of playing as a secret agent or master thief, you were instead a death row inmate who was forced to participate in a game that was a weird combination of The Running Man and Big Brother. |
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What the fuck is your problem with playing Lair? |
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What the fuck is your problem with playing Lair? by: Sony Drone #11267 2007-11-11 I said open your mind and hands for something very different, you motherfuckers! |
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Remaining Exclusives for the PS3 |
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Remaining Exclusives for the PS3 by: Sony Drone #11267 2007-10-03 FINAL FANTASY XIII: Ah yes, the Final Fantasy series. Once slaves to the overbearing imaginazis of Nintendo and their outdated cartridge format, Square came to us seeking refuge and now look at them. Producing almost nothing but Final Fantasy games and refusing every offer to go back to their old masters that Nintendo throws at them! Our acquisition of the series as a time honored Sony exclusive comes to show just how much the little guy can grow into an even bigger guy and eschew such overrated things like 'originality' and 'fun' as well! |
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Transformers: The Movie: The Game Review |
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Transformers: The Movie: The Game Review by: Generalissimo Furioso 2007-07-26 To sum up this game in terms the average person will understand: THIS GAME IS BAD! DO NOT BUY THIS GAME! DO NOT RENT THIS GAME! DO NOT EVEN LOOK AT THIS GAME! IF I FIND OUT YOU OWN THIS GAME, I WILL HURT YOU IN A BAAAAAAAAAAAAAD WAY! |
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E3 2007: Sony: We can't do any worse than last time, right? |
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E3 2007: Sony: We can't do any worse than last time, right? by: Sony Drone #11267 and Doctor Wankenstein 2007-07-19 Sony Drone #11267: In a move which I am sure many of our loyal consumers are greeting with the utmost enthusiasm is the announcement that we have made in regards to a price drop of $100 on all current 60GB models in stock. Trust me when I say that this is all for your own good. For the sooner we get rid of all the unwanted and notably less premium 60GB PS3s, the sooner we can concentrate on selling the system that the consumers want the most. |
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The Shield: The Game Review |
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by: Doom 2007-07-04 I swear, they based the NPCs on Disney Animatronics. You know, Hall of Presidents and all that shit. For instance, when you approach Dutch, you cannot talk to him, for all he does is stand at his desk and wipe away something that isn't there. Either the storyline introduces symptoms of OCD never displayed by Dutch...or they cannot program worth a damn. |
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Final Fantasy XII Review |
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by: Rammspieler 2007-06-06 Evil Empire complete with Imperial Senate and large complex war machine? Check! Naive and idealistic youth who longs to free his homeland? Check! Dashing Han Solo-like figures, complete with Millennium Falcon stand-in and Princess rescues? Check! Do the formative stages of the story take place within a desert locale? Fuck yes! You see? Nothing exactly original here. |
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Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories Review |
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Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories Review by: Generalissimo Furioso 2007-06-06 You better buy it or else Phil Collins himself will hunt you down and beat you to death with a wiffle ball bat wrapped in barbed wire and doused with gasoline. |
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Metal Slug Anthology Review |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso 2007-04-18 I'd like to make it known those bulletholes were there before I bought the game. |
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Sonic the Hedgehog Review |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso 2007-03-21 But that's not all, people! No, the Sonic team has decided to knock it up another notch and give you 3 Hedgehogs for the price of 2! Meet Silver the Hedgehog. He's not just a shiny white Sonic, he's an amnesiac...WITH PSYCHIC POWERS AND A MYSTERIOUS PAST! It's like playing through The Matrix only...you know, with fur and magic...and robots. Shadow was already an amnesiac in Shadow the Hedgehog; do we really need another hedgehog who doesn't know who he is? |
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Shadow of The Colossus Review |
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by: Black Widow 2007-03-01 Graphics in SOTC are extremely fluent and beautiful. Landscapes are rendered perfectly although the style and colors remains dirty. In fact, the whole mood of the land is downcast, even when the sun is shining extremely bright. The gloomy mood of the land reflects well on the story and the fact that it is supposed to be forbidden. That feeling is enhanced by the fact that there is nothing else to fight besides the Colossus. |
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Resistance: Fall of Man Review |
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Resistance: Fall of Man Review by: Generalissimo Furioso 2007-01-07 Remember how I didn't like Gears of War? This is the inverse of that. |
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Our horrible mistakes are intentional |
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Our horrible mistakes are intentional by: Sony Drone #11267 2007-01-06 While at first this may seem like 'bad programming' or a 'horrible mistake', we meant to do it. Seriously. Everyone, from the richest billionaire to the poorest millionaire deserves a chance to play the PS3 before they buy it, so our demo machines intentionally freeze and force a technician to reset it and fiddle with it every 5 minutes, allowing for EVERYONE to have a chance to play this wonderful and life-changing system. |
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Please, please, please buy a PS3 |
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Please, please, please buy a PS3 by: Sony Drone #11267 2006-12-06 Let me clear the air and stop the rumors. MGS 4 is NOT being released for the Xbox 360, it will only be released on the Sony Playstation 3 with Blu-Ray drive. Key word: only. Capcom promised us exclusivity rights and I highly doubt their fingers were crossed when the promise was made. If you don't buy the PS3, don't expect to be able to follow the adventures of Solid Snake and friends. |
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Okami Review |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso 2006-12-06 Reincarnated hero uses fantastic powers to save the world from an ancient threat, all the while being chirped at by an impudent little sprite that's constantly following you around and giving you tips. You'd think I was describing the new Legend of Zelda game, but in reality, I'm talking about Okami, one of the best games I've ever played, and when I say ever, I mean EVER!
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Playstation 3 Uber Alles |
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by: Sony Drone #11267 2006-11-22 So far I've played 16 hours of the new work of art and let me say this: it is better than sex, and by comparison the lesson we learned from World War II is meaningless compared to Metal Gear Solid 4. Don't you people love the new environments, the masterful voice acting, the seamless cutscenes, the wonderful 9 GB hard drive install every time you play it? What? Metal Gear Solid 4 didn't come out on launch day? What? Metal Gear Solid may not be PS3-exclusive anymore? Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! |
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God Hand Review |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso 2006-11-08 For only $30 bucks you'll be hard pressed to find another game that will prove your hardcore gaming skills and if anyone disagrees you have my personal permission to kick them in the crotch and spank them till their ass catches on fire (it's in the game okay?). |
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The New Sony Plan |
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by: Sony Drone #11267 2006-10-25 It will be impossible to buy, sell or trade used games when it comes to the Playstation 3. Some critics call the move 'incredibly short-sighted' and 'appallingly dumb', but we don't see it as either. Or we're not paid to see it as either. Piracy is a huge concern. Evil non-consumers steal cashflow from us every day in their effort to undermine the Sony dream and promote Microsoft. The identification easily does away with the threat of bootlegging a game and not paying the $60 price tag for it like the good consumer drones you are. |
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Street Fighter Alpha Anthology Review |
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Street Fighter Alpha Anthology Review by: RoboCop 2006-10-25 Gameplay...wow. There is some shit in here so horrible and frustrating that you want to put your hands around the game producer's head and squeeze until you have red play dough running between your fingers. |
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Mortal Kombat Armageddon Review |
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Mortal Kombat Armageddon Review by: Generalissimo Furioso 2006-10-25 Armageddon's story is as follows: every one who was dead is alive, now they're fighting to get to the top of a pyramid and fight Blaze to get the powers of some dead guy. Yeah, that could be forgiven, hell, it could even be lauded as the only Mortal Kombat story that wasn't conceived by people attempting to sound smart or original. However, they also changed the arcade mode. It now resembles that of the first Mortal Kombat, what with the lack of any story until the very end and then being presented with a picture of your character along with scrolling text telling you that this happened. That is not cool! |
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Family Guy: The Game Review |
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by: RoboCop 2006-10-22 Just when you thought Seth McFarlane and the Brownshirts at Fox were through milking the Family Guy franchise, here comes Family Guy the Videogame! |
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Bully Review |
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by: Jack Thompson 2006-10-14 IN MY HONEST OPINION EVERY PERSON AT ROCKSTAR SHOULD BE CASTRATED TO PREVENT THEM FROM BIRTHING THE ANTI-CHRIST! ANYONE WHO REFUSED TO BE CASTRATED WOULD OF COURSE BE EUTHANIZED IN THE MOST VIOLENT AND PAINFUL WAY POSSIBLE! |
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Scarface: The Game Review |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso 2006-10-14 Yes, in the game you can become invincible by becoming Cuban Mad. When I heard this, I thought to myself "Wow, I'm surprised that Cubans weren't able to conquer us by becoming invincible due to their Latin Rage!". The whole point of the movie was about Tony taking drugs and fucking himself out of everything because the drugs made him excessively angry and paranoid, but no, it turns out his Cuban heritage explains everything. The people who made this game are either Straight Edgers, idiots or racist to a degree I've never imagined possible. |
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Obviously You're Not Tuned In To Sonyality |
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Obviously You're Not Tuned In To Sonyality by: Sony Drone #11267 2006-10-04 Europe is a small market no one cares about and no competition exists for Sony in Europe anyway so it's not as though the stupid Europeans, living in their mud huts and drinking sewage water, will trade their pile of dirty rags for a non-Sony system. The backwards, idiotic people of Europe will greet Sony with cheers and general good-will, and are even unaware of any delay as Europeans have yet to understand the concept of time. |
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Freedom Fighters Review |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso 2006-09-15 Reagan called in a couple of favors from the Devil and thus a movie that was supposed to confirm all of our Cold War fears was born, Red Dawn. The premise couldn't have made for a worse movie. Communist Mexicans from Mexico invade America by somehow bypassing NORAD and paradropping into Colorado where a ragtag team of High School Students manage to fight them off; Reagan was subsequently denied a third term in office (don't listen to the history books, kids). |
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Sniper Elite Review |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso 2006-09-15 The problem with these games is, despite the fact that we have nothing but respect for the people who fought in this war, WE KNOW WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN ALREADY! D-Day is going to end with the allies winning, because anything else would be disrespectful to the veterans of this war (That's why Crimson Dawn never made it to the states, Japan winning WWII with the help of giant robots!? How egregious!).
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SoulCalibur 3 Review |
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by: Generalissimo Furioso 2006-08-29 At least Todd McFarlane didn't get any of his stupid characters in this one...seriously, what the hell? Spawn and that ugly thing that looked like it was ripped off of the Chinese guy from Mortal Kombat (you know what I'm talking about). |
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Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel Review |
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Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel Review by: Generalissimo Furioso 2006-08-25 I loved Fallout 1 and 2, found Fallout Tactics to be mediocre and am now currently waiting anxiously for the release of Fallout 3. Little did I know that deep within the bowels of Interplay studios, some guy was planning to release a game so foul, so horrible, so mindbendingly dumb, that I would eventually have to play it to see how badly some group of idiots attempted to ruin Fallout's name. Before I start, I should make a note of the fact that no one from any of the previous Fallout games worked on this, nor did they even know of its existence until it was too late. |
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Urban Chaos: Riot Response Review |
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Urban Chaos: Riot Response Review by: Generalissimo Furioso 2006-08-23 The developers of this game are relative newcomers, Rocksteady studios, which is located in the Great Isle of Britain. However, they seem to really want to come to America, because every five feet is something that is overbearingly patriotic, HUGE American flags flying high overhead, police officers not at all being racist or overtly violent, firefighters and medical staff doing their jobs, it's just too much for any sane, liberal or intelligent person to bear. |
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Top 10 Reasons Why Final Fantasy Rocks |
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Top 10 Reasons Why Final Fantasy Rocks by: The Fanboy 2006-08-17 FFXI gives the Final Fantasy fanatics the ability to interact in an online setting. Sure, due to the monthly cost I put the game on First Alarm Boycott, but I still religiously play it because it's a part of the main continuity. I certainly can't not play the game and risk missing a snippet of information to add to my Final Fantasy canon database! I love the PvP system because it means no longer do 'haxxors' 'school' me through a random unprovoked attack. I hate spontaneous events not exhaustively set up by continuity! |
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Guitar Hero Review |
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by: Dizz 2006-08-12 Obviously, the biggest drawback in this game, is that it has mother fucking Sum 41 in it. But wait, there's more! It's one of the later songs you get, implying that it's good/challenging. Let me assure you that nothing about Sum 41 is good or challenging in the least. Worse yet, it's right underneath Ziggy Stardust, thus tainting a great song by its mere presence. |
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Expendable Sony Executive #524: The Q&A Part 1 |
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Expendable Sony Executive #524: The Q&A Part 1 by: Expendable Sony Executive #524 2006-07-14 Sony Exec: We plan to charge consumers $200 each month for our new and completely original online plan "Playstation 3 Currently". Features such as affordable online accessible content (from $50 to $100), new maps for Killzone 2 (at estimated price of $25 per map), ability to play with friends or others with a special Playstation 3 online unlock key (estimated price $100 per key). You know it'll be much better than Xbox Live because it costs more than Xbox Live. Price is a prime indicator of quality. In fact, we should really be charging you more, such as $400 per month. I'll bring it up at the next staff meeting. |
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Sony Advertising Around The World |
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Sony Advertising Around The World by: Expendable Sony Executive #524 2006-07-14 Then of course we still air in Mexico our popular 'dustball' ads, wherein one dustball suggests "HEY MANG, LET'S ROB A LIQUOR STORE AND THEN SLEEP, MANG!" and then the other states "Hey mang, let's just play Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories, mang". It's very popular in Mexico and in America, with the Minutemen giving us an award for "Best Reveal of the Hispanic's Devilry". |
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The PSP is God |
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by: Expendable Sony Executive #524 2006-07-05 Rejected PSP White advertisement ideas:
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The Playstation 3 is God 2: PS3 makes all obsolete |
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by: Expendable Sony Executive #524 2006-06-14 Who would you rather represent you, a fellow human being who suffers from the same lack of HDTV compatibility as you or a sleek $600 system that can do nearly anything imaginable [I say nearly because the rest imaginable will be covered with 2009's Playstation 4, which will coincide with the Second Coming of Christ]? The answer, I think, or as close as the hive mind allows for individual thought, is obvious. |
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The Playstation 3 is God |
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by: Expendable Sony Executive #524 2006-05-29 The gamer has matured over the years and this newest generation has never experienced such a crude concept as a '2D action platformer' or a challenging game that didn't involve choices like 'which type of baseball bat is best for beating up a hooker with?'. |
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E3 2006: Sony |
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by: Rammspieler 2006-05-21 What sickens me of course is the fact that even despite this flagrant abuse of customer loyalty and bad business decisions, the ever present fanboys who have never had a job in their life beyond perhaps the odd lawn-mowing job, agree with Sony because 'OMFG SONY KICKS PHUCKIN' ASS, MANNNNN AND M$ CAN SUXZ0RZ MY COCK!!!! AND Wii SOUNDS LIKE PEE LOL!!!!!11!!!'. |
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50 Cent: Bulletproof Review |
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by: Doom 2006-03-22 It should be noted that your sidekicks in this game don't take damage, but you do, so it's incredibly ironic that a game entitled 50 Cent: Bulletproof has many people who are bulletproof, but not 50 Cent himself. |
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Katamari Damacy Review |
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by: Black Widow 2006-01-16 Sounds in the game are interesting. Mostly screams, honking car horns, swirling sounds and every time you pick something up a sound is made to reflect that object. Like a crab making uh...squealing sounds. Yeah...squealing sounds for crabs. That makes perfect sense. |
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The Playstation 3 |
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by: Doom, Rammspieler and Nixon 2005-05-24 There are already anti-PS3 camps that are saying that technically what the PS3 is supposed to do can't be done, at least not cheaply. So unless the PS3 of E3 is just vaporware, console gaming as we know it will cease to exist. The only people who will be buying the damn thing will most likely be the same people who bought 3D0's for $500. |
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Xenosaga Episode 2 Review |
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by: Rammspieler 2005-04-07 If the new pope is to be as cool as this guy here, I will re-embrace my Catholic roots and help to make the world safe for Ormus!
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Final Fantasy VII Fandom |
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by: Doom 2005-01-12 The board itself is rather asinine. And by 'rather', I mean 'entirely'. Some of my favorite clichéd garbage topics are here: ____ vs. ____, help topics, newbie topics, and off-topic topics [why post it at a FFVII board if it's not remotely about the game in question?]. All the hallmarks of a decrepit board. |
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