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Welcome to Myspace Loser of the Week!
by Doom and Rammspieler
The origins of this section are thus: I, Doom, had always wanted to do something about Myspace and how completely idiotic it is. However, I soon found it would be impossible to sum up Myspace in but 2000 words, so I decided there to be an alternative: a weekly section highlighting the sort of losers one can typically find on an excursion to Myspace. So, without further ado, here's the first lucky loser to be profiled on this website:
http://www.myspace.com/coolj2104
Even if you discount the fact that the layout contains and incorporates the worst animated show since sliced bread, Family Guy, that is a legitimately shoddy design and a genuine eyesore to people who have eyes. Why would you have several Family Guy images overlap into the apocalypse? The only person who could think that "Hey, this is an awesome layout and will certainly lead to me getting friends and some tail" is a colorblind Goddamn idiot.
Not pictured are several Family Guy related meme surveys. I do not know anyone who needs the information of what Family Guy quote someone purports themselves to be, nor have I ever heard of it enticing people to add that person to their friends list or enticing girls to meet up with a maladjusted 16 year old for a quick fuck. Of course, there's no proof that Family Guy viewers know how to mate in the traditional sense. I assume it'd be a lot of trial-and-error. I should also note that this individual is so stupid that he mispells 'Stewie 'Stuwie' on one of the surveys, and has yet to have corrected it. THERE ARE SEVERAL CORRECT SPELLINGS OF STEWIE ON YOUR GODDAMN MYSPACE PAGE, YOU IDIOT. Also fascinating is his obsession with Stewie. As a guy who every so often pretends to be a teenage girl to fuck with 35 year old pedophiles, I've never hooked up with anyone who has a fetish for animated gay British baby ripoffs of Jimmy Corrigan.
I think a picture is worth a thousand words and this picture definitely says something about Family Guy fans! Mainly that they suffer from Down's syndrome and that they have mittens attached to their sleeves perpetually. Thus, he will now be labeled with the name 'Autistic Josh'.
I think we have a loveless nerd here! I think I now know what to do in order to get some ass. Pretend to be retarded and like Family Guy, claim that Stewie is awesome and add girls to my profile by the ton! Also, in case you would like to stop by and give Josh a big Raider hello, that's where he goes to school. Also of note is "My Sanity Wrote A Suicide Note..." is easiest the worst phrase I have ever read and right now I am setting a nail in my eye to hammer it in such that I may not be able to read such a thing twice.
Well boys and girls, this wraps it up for this week's Myspace loser of the week. Stay tuned for any incoming hatemail that we may receive from our winners as we will be personally informing the winners and putting up their responses!