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The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.
The Daily Raider Myspace Loser of the Week presents:
by Doom and Rammspieler
Oh shit. Lorne Michaels will now want to invade Rammspieler's ass as we present this week's winner of our prestigious Myspace Loser of the Week award, Lor the Whore! We have no idea what underage Jewish girls are doing in Rammspieler's neck of the woods, but that's not the case. The case is that we have found yet another fine example of what happens when you let your kids go online unsupervised. One would think that parents would have learned the lesson by now, but as demonstrated by a recent case in the news of a 13 year old girl who put up her home address on her Myspace account, parents these days are fucking dumb. In this case, Lauren here was apparently smart enough not to put it up. However, that will not stop pedos from trying to get it on with her seeing as how she has lied about her age and I dunno, maybe is putting out a little?
Yep. Putting out. Shit, even I get disturbingly horny when I see these pics! These pictures also go further to prove that she is definitely not of legal age. I mean, Christ, look at her. If she's legal than I'm a believer that Prohibition was a good thing because it kept those monster illegals from drinking demon's blood, also known as alcohol. That and the fact that to the left of her proclamation that she's 18 she notes that she's really not of that age, she's actually 14. Dumbass, way to draw the pedophiles to you like Palestinian terrorists to Israeli buses.
Lauren here has a bright future in the porn industry for her. And after that, a bright future in the 'STD-riddled crack whore' industry, which in our booming economy is a growth industry. This is also a good time to mention that her personality is not going to win her any awards, as she is like every other 14 year old girl on Myspace who will in the future become a "And this is what happens to you when you put yourself on Myspace and let Gary Glitter rape you to death while he sings "Nanananana, fuck-a-kid, HEY! Nananana!", using 'lol' with great frequency and without a brain cell in her head. But at least know we know what soda she prefers!
Now, and this is not the usual for this weekly feature, but this time there are going to be betting odds for Lor the Whore's fate in the future.
768:1 - Lives completely normal life of abstinence, dies happily
at age of 89
542:1 - After a few problems early in life and some bad decisions, she
straightens out and lives happily ever after, dying at age 76 of natural causes
5:1 - Unfortunate falling light during pornographic shoot; confined to bed for rest of life; feeding tube taken out at age 26
3:1 - goes out at night to San Juan to party at the reggaeton clubs
and ends up going home with this huge black man only to wake up in a bloody bathtub with hastily made
stitches over where her liver used
to be and a note saying to call 911 because "you're going to die as I sold your liver."
2:1 - death by STD
1:1 - consensual gang rape
We will keep you informed if the betting odds change any time soon, but as a betting man, I think you'd be a fool not to go with the consensual gang rape odds!
View previous Myspace Losers of the Week:
Week 1: Autistic Josh