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The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.

 

The Daily Raider Myspace Loser of the Week presents:

Usagi Kou (a.k.a "Sailor Moon incarnate")

by Rammspieler

Welcome ladies and gents to yet another addition of the Daily Raider's ongoing Myspace pageant of idiocy, the Loser of the Week! So what do we bring you this week to top off last weeks resounding success when Juggalo Brandon and his friends were elated by his 15 minutes of fame? Well this week, in conjunction with the Livejournal Moron of the Week section, we bring to you what may be the first and hopefully last fuckhead to win both titles simultaneously. We present Lori "Usagi " I'M MOTHERFUCKING Sailor Moon BITCHES!!" Kou" Cerda!

Yep, the one and the same Usagi Kou. For those of you who are not familiar with the world of 'cosplay' (and I sure as hell ain't familiar with it either), Usagi Kou at one time was the standard by which all coslayers were measured against. You see, Usagi here was once upon a time considered to be the best Sailor Moon cosplayer in all the land for the simple reason that she actually believed that she was indeed a fictional cartoon character. Or at least a reincarnation of one. Do you, the kind reader have a look of 'WTF?!' on your face yet? Yeah, that was the same reaction that I had when I first learned about people like Lori. You see, Lori is a VERY SPECIAL human being because she is what dipshits like herself like to call a 'soulbonder'. One may think that that's a cool name for some kind of demon or something, but actually it's otaku speak for "I have no friends and no life because I watch anime all day, so I've made friends with cartoon characters." But sometimes a soulbonder doesn't necessarily have to be a fat, friendless loser. Sometimes, if you really, really want to, you can actually start believing that you are a mortal incarnation of a piece of fiction. When you start believing that, then you will most likely dedicate long hours to making yourself look like what you really think is 'your true form'. Then you become a cosplayer. That's what happened to Lori when she started to believe that she was Sailor Moon.

No, that is not a wig she is wearing on the upper and lower left hand column. She actually used to have her hair like that and walk around pretending to be Sailor Moon. In Public. But that wasn't batshit insane enough for her. Nope. What she's really famous for is for being a grade A drama queen! Since she actually believes that she is indeed Sailor Moon, and she started dressing up for conventions as Sailor Moon, she would throw hissy fits whenever some other Poor Soul walked in to the show floor dressed up like said character, because Poor Soul in question most likely 'copied' her 'originality' and then sicced her posse of lower level cosplayers (known around cosplay circles as a 'group') on the Poor Soul resulting in spectacular battles involving lesbian mud wrestling and robotic pirates. Nah, that last part wasn't true, but I think that there have been some fights on the convention floor. But the real battles took place on the intarweb. She's also notorious for being hopelessly jobless and getting kicked out of her house. Whenever this happens, she just hits up the gullible fankid of her choice because her fans will do anything to bask in the glory of their hive queen, and moves in with them! This living arrangement can last from a month to a year, depending on the severity of the drama that Lori has caused, wherein during that period of time she will freeload off her host like the lazy parasite that she is and get on their nerves to the point that they end up kicking her out of their house and the unfortunate sod has finally realized that all those 'haters' were right after all!

By the way, she has some pussy of a man for a boyfriend known around the circles as 'mamo-chan' because as I understand it, he resembles Sailor Moon's boyfriend on the show, and Lori will absolutly refuse to have sex with anybody who does not look like that guy! They're an on-again,off-again sort of relationship because he can't stand her and her drama, yet misses the sex, so they get back together again. I personally think that mamo-chan is gay, because I mean look at her in the above pic. Now I don't know about you guys, but to me and Nixon, she looks like a Brazilian tranny! In fact, when I first showed the above pics to Nixon, he asked me if 'she' was a crossdresser. But hey, to each his own, and if mamo-chan likes a little 'mann gegen mann' action then more power to him. But I mean, does he really have to settle for a bona fide straight jacket certified she-male who looks like Till Lindemann?

I think I remember making mention of a posse of lower level losers that hang around her, right? Well, while this is just a Myspace profile and the friends section is always subject to change, we at least have a glance at just what KIND of loser is willing to hang out with Lori. To be quite honest with you, I think that her top 8 is pretty tame. But then upon closer inspection we notice that Josh is hugging a giant hamster doll, which clearly denotes him as the kind of loser that can be filed under 'nice guy otaku who wants to look sensitive so that the girls will want to fuck me, even though I have stalker tendencies' cabinet. Then we have 'I'm an annoying candy raver who has appropriated and horribly butchered Japanese pop culture to make me look like a retard' YuffieBunny. Then the other case worth noting is the ninja loving nerd, Captain Sanity. I'm sorry, but anybody who has an obsession with ninjas is not a sane individual at all. I apologize again if this top 8 looks pretty lame, but I can guarantee you that the friends on her comment box are more representative of the Usagi Kou fanclub. In fact, if you go to her Myspace profile and see a 'Kiba' who is dressed up as Edward from Cowboy Bebop, then you will know that she is one of Usagi's lackeys.

So to top off this week's Loser section, I present to you the true face of evil. The face of Usagi Kou after she ate a rival cosplayer and went to McDicks to wash it down with fries and a large coke. I recommend that one does not gaze into that picture for periods longer than .5 minutes because if you do, she will most likely pop out of the picture and 'EET ' you too. Yes, she 'eets' people.

View previous Myspace Losers of the Week:
Week 1: Autistic Josh
Week 2: Lor the Whore
Week 3: Juggalo Brandon