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Myspace Loser of the Week: Week the Sixth: WHITE POWER
by Doom and Nixon
Politics are everywhere these days, with the nation being more and more polarized as the tragedy known as the 43rd President's Administration trudges on into internal apocalypse. His approval ratings are in the shitter and once stalwart supporters of the schmuck are beginning to question what I've questioned since he was awarded the office. There are still some true believers however, true believers with their heads stuck so far up their asses they might've found some Iraqi Weapons of Mass Destruction. One of these idiots has a Myspace, and he's someone we recognize. None other than Jordan Powell.
http://www.myspace.com/somecallmepizzle
This picture literally screams "I listen to rap music but when I'm in a black neighborhood I lock my car door!"
There are a few things you should know about Powell: he's a rich white cracker who knows nothing about the struggles of the middle and lower classes, and he's a God freak. God freaks are just that, freaks. Being a practicing Christian is okay, but to bring it up all the time is akin to Tom Cruise bringing up his crazy space alien beliefs all the time: it's uncouth and people will look at you funny, though probably more so in the latter's case. He's also a partisan hack and doesn't make many, if any, variations on what the Republican Party puts out in talking points. He loves Bill O'Reilly, hates Michael Moore, believes that we have a rebellious radical Supreme Court, and he hates black people. His personality is a mixture of the stupid college squarehead one's likely to see at a college and that of a Hitler Youth member who wasn't in it just because he was forced to.
Powell's a special kind of guy in the sense that we once had such great aspirations for him. No, not in the "he associates with us" sense, but as an arch-nemesis, the kind of bizarre Young Republican we wouldn't mind as our Lex Luthor. He had it all, a website blog filled with crazy ideas and a good enough graphical design to make it seem semi-legitimate. But his glory days fell, and gone was his website and his inane right wing fatwas. Now he is nothing more than another Myspace user with a bland friends list and crap tastes. Jordan likes formulaic garbage like S.W.A.T., The Patriot, Ladder 49...basically any white (with vague action!) movie made in the past 5 to 6 years. He also likes James Blunt. OW MY FREAKIN' EARS!
His friends are indeed bland and since he's a bland cracker himself, it makes sense that he keeps company with them. They're people named Kyle and Caleb and Courtney; the names of the personality-less and the straight-edgers. These people are the people who've never had an insightful or meaningful conversation in their lives, just worthless whitebread automatons walking on and on into oblivion, unaware of their complete worthlessness. Camera whores, plaid clothing, Linkin Park, Fuel, bad rap music that's loved ironically, it's all here. The best thing you can say about this consortium of ethnic cleansing is that at least they're not Usagi Kou's friends.
Jordan Powell is a blight upon humanity, as he embodies the Young Republicans mindset perfectly. The unquestioning idiot lapdog that the GOP wants so badly to become the generation in power when they die off and/or snort coke off the last stable Social Security checks this nation is likely to ever see. I just hope that he isn't going to use his connections in Skull & Bones to get me sent away to a political dissidents camp far away from here, but maybe if I was sent away I could become like the good version of V for Vendetta!
View previous Myspace Losers of the Week:
Week 1: Autistic Josh
Week 2: Lor the Whore
Week 3: Juggalo Brandon
Week 4: Usagi Kou
Week 5: Stupid Wuss Man