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Myspace Loser of the Week #15!
by Doom and Rammspieler
http://www.myspace.com/xiwishiwasdeadx
Funny, after reading the guy's profile, I wish he was dead too. There are many Myspace pages where after viewing of it, I wonder if it's an elaborate act of performance art and satire, with none so debated as this week's loser. Instead of putting forth one definitive viewpoint as to the origins of fuckhead in question, we've decided to give you two viewpoints regarding the veracity of who will forever be called "Lucky Charms McHomosexual". Representing the Pro-Real side will be myself, and Rammspieler shall take representation of the 'absurd performance art' side of the argument. Let us begin the special Raider/Counter-Raider edition of Myspace Loser of the Week!
RAIDER BY DOOM
At first when I came across Lucky Charms, I had my doubts, because it was too good to be true. Low self esteem. Love of well-known fag band Taking Back Sunday. Allegations of cutting. Coupled with the slightly irreverent tone in the 'about me' section, it appeared to be a prank, or a joke, though I'm unwilling to call it satire to save satire from being sullied by Myspace irrevocably. This is a classic conundrum where there's little difference between someone making fun of emo fag type people and the emo fag type people themselves. However, I feel after close review of Lucky Charms McHomosexual, he is indeed the real deal.
Lucky Charms has all the makings of an emo fag, all of their common traits, from love of bad music to self pity and hatred to idiotic friends with no minds. He purports his involvement in a band titled "Sunny Day Ruin", and let me tell you, you cannot make shit like that up. No matter which emo fag he is in his userpic, his faggotry level scores high enough on the emo fag scale to be genuine. The layout was put together by a layout website and definitely looks Myspace Loser enough with deep 'I'm nonconformist like everybody else' ties. In his profile he mentions tight T-shirts, crying and lack of balls. Now this is the most suspect portion of the entire operation, but enough of everything seems real enough to warrant it inconsequential. For example, "They paint the world in red and broken glass" is a real quote from one of Thursday's 'songs' and anyone doing it in the name of satire wouldn't be able to muster up the strength and tolerance to either listen to a Thursday song or look up Thursday lyrics, no matter how serious about hoodwinking everyone the prankster is.
In conclusion, some of the aspects of our Irish gay boy are too realistic to have been concocted by some attempt at humor. However, I don't know if he's truly Irish or not because the vast majority of his 'friends' come from Australian lineage, and even though both get bitchslapped by the Queen on a regular basis, there are subtle differences, from the way toilets flush to the way the Kingdom fucks them in the ass. Despite ambiguity in his nationality, he fits the bill of emo fag loser, and that's something you just can't fake.
COUNTER-RAIDER BY RAMMSPIELER
As some of you will recall from past Myspace Losers and Livejournal Morons that I have done, there have been special cases that have always aroused my suspicions as to whether it is real or not (Pheowulf anyone?). I've always went ahead and assumed that they were real for purposes of the feature in question. However, this guy in particular was just too good to pass off as genuine! First of all, his 'depression' is way too obvious. Granted, emo fags always go around saying that they are depressed and shit, but they don't actually go around saying 'Oh man I'm so depressed because my girlfriend stepped on my foot and now I want to cry and cut myself, maaaaaaaan!!!' It's always more of an implied thing with them. Also, whenever they do state their reasons for hating the world and for being sad, they at least try and give it a hint of legitimacy, be it because the world is going to blow itself up or because of their bad grades. Lucky Charms here states that he's sad because his eyeliner runs when he cries and because his pants are too tight and he can't find a pair that are any tighter. Not only does that sound like bad satire, but it's not giving any indication of trying to sound legitimate either.
I also think that when he writes how 'nobody understaaaaaandzzzzzzz' it smells like horseshit. It's just makes me laugh but not in an unintentional way like other emo fags writings make me laugh. It looks like genuine satire style comedy to me. Could Lucky Charms indeed be a performance artist for the Internet, pointing out the idiodicies of Myspace users by becoming one of sorts himself? Is it an excuse to ellicit cheap laughs from people by posting a picture of two men kissing, much like how Family Guy resorts to childish sexual innuendo because the fact that a cartoon said 'penis' apparently makes it funny to the frat boy demographic? With a profile name like 'xiwishiwasdeadx', it all points to the whole thing being an elaborate concoction made by someone with too much time on his hands. Besides, since when have Irish homosexuals existed? Even if they did exist, I don't think that any proud paddy would ever openly admit to being gay and posting pictures of himself making out with another guy!
My conclusion obviously would be that this profile is the product of some sort of art collective operating out of Australia, seeing as how Doom pointed out, most of his friends are from said island-continent/pretend-country. The funny thing is that even his friends comments seem to be a fake! One even goes as far as to comment on how indeed eyeliner could be better lasting against the ravages of constant crying and general pussiness. An elaborate act of Internet performance art, designed to make one question existence and reality? I say yes.
REAL OR NOT? YOU'VE HEARD THE ARGUMENTS. NOW U-DECIDE.
View previous Myspace Losers of the Week:
Week 1: Autistic Josh
Week 2: Lor the Whore
Week 3: Juggalo Brandon
Week 4: Usagi Kou
Week 5: Stupid Wuss Man
Week 6: Jordan Powell
Week 7: Pat Lee
Week 8: Flora Bush
Week 9: FBI Sting Operation #524
Week 10: Cipriani
Week 11: Carlos Mangual
Week 12: The Crimson
Week 13: Billy Boy
Week 14: Ashleigh