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Myspace Loser of the Week #16: How to Attract Pedophiles
By: Doom and Rammspieler
http://www.myspace.com/sumrszleo6
One of the advantages of being a semi-obscure Caribbean island that is popular enough to be known by name yet obscure enough that most people wouldn't even know that it exists is that the Myspace search pages for Puerto Rico can sometimes turn up people who think that their page will be safe from the prying eyes of parents and schools, as well as that jealous bitch from 4th period history. It's also a good place for pedophiles to come prey on pre-teen girls. Yes, I said pre-teen because after looking at her profile and album page, I am sure that Abby here is approximately 11 years old and goes to 6th grade. But see for yourself.
Fucking creepy is what it is. So Abby is really from Kentucky, loves Abercrombie and all other overpriced brands of clothing, loves MTV and is a spoiled little bitch. Daddy is obviously a shitty parent, as he not only gives in to Abby's whims, but doesn't know that Abby is whoring herself out to potential pedos and other underage prepubescent boys from school. Then we ask ourselves why kidnapped white girls is a national obsession. The answer is clearly because parents like Abby's daddy encourage it so that they can become overnight media personalities and gain their 15 minutes of fame, crying the shit out of themselves and begging for the kidnappers to 'put themselves in their shoes' or something. And the media interview opportunities, they're endless. Oh yeah, I can't read this layout for shit. I suppose the small lettering functions to make whatever vapid valley girl/pre-teen slut shit she has to say hard for any potential authority figures who happen to be reading her site for clues as to where to find her. But she's not the only disturbing one here. Look on:
Looking at the comments, we can arrive to several conclusions. First, her friends are also 11 year olds with a complete lack of developmental progress. Second, after any pedophiles get done with gangraping Abby, they're sure to start seducing and stalking the kids on her friends list. The comments these human beings (?) write make very little sense, and, at best, confuse and bewilder any potential pedophile who wants to tap some underage ass. So I guess Myspace has in place some deterrents from becoming the next "Seedy chatroom named Club Scum" in the way of idiot kids friending other idiot kids and speaking in an idiotic slang so confusing and without meaning, all potential pedophiles are turned-off. "Tch, and I thought I would be able to discuss Earthly matters, like Italian neo-classicism and the new wave of French cinema and its impact on colonial relations. Well, back to the underage nude magazines to wile away myself with." I know if I were a pedophile, I'd at least have the standards to molest a kid who can correctly string together a sentence on the Internet.
Does there need to be any more proof that this girl is not in fact 18 years old? Jesus Christ, either dad's doping her with anti-growth hormones so she can star in Disney Channel Original Movies, or someone's lying about her age. This adds more reason for why Myspace needs imagechecking guys to use their filthy, filthy minds to figure out if a girl's 18 or not, and if not, shut down her Myspace account. Because why do preteens even need a Myspace page? Don't they all own cell phones at this point? Is Myspace a necessary tool to learn about who Trey is dating to make Tricia jealous, while Tricia seduces Corey to make Trey jealous? Especially when like everywhere on the Internet, pedophiles loom at every corner, ready to proposition 12 year olds with "I'll give you a Game Boy if you suck my dick."
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to take a shower. Just writing about this Myspace Loser makes me feel filthy.
View previous Myspace Losers of the Week:
Week 1: Autistic Josh
Week 2: Lor the Whore
Week 3: Juggalo Brandon
Week 4: Usagi Kou
Week 5: Stupid Wuss Man
Week 6: Jordan Powell
Week 7: Pat Lee
Week 8: Flora Bush
Week 9: FBI Sting Operation #524
Week 10: Cipriani
Week 11: Carlos Mangual
Week 12: The Crimson
Week 13: Billy Boy
Week 14: Ashleigh
Week 15: Lucky Charms McHomosexual