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BY STEVE NILES
Welcome back, HOMOS! Before I start RIPPING APART ANOTHER FAG WITH MY AWESOME SUPERCOCK WRITING, I need to tell you that MYSPACE DELETED MY MYSPACE ACCOUNT. Those fucking fags over at Fagspace said it was because I violated their TERMS OF SERVICE, BUT I NEVER SAW ANYTHING IN THERE ABOUT FUCKING A CHICK IN THE EAR BEING WRONG! Faggot Girl Pants probably ratted me out for being TOO AWESOME and the nerds at Myspace didn't want someone AS AWESOME AS STEVE MOTHERFUCKING NILES to have a profile on their HOMOSEXUALITY INSPIRED SITE. "Oh no, the AWESOME GENIUS STEVE NILES signed up!" "We better ban him, his greatness makes us look GAY by comparison!" Today the the Nilesman with the Plan brings you another GAY HOMOSEXUAL WHO LOVES COCK. What makes this FAG different from all the other COCK LOBBERS is HE'S THE GAYEST PERSON EVER. So gay his gayness almost changed Steve Niles into a GAY. Don't worry, Steve Niles cockblocked that shit using his COCK, but not in a gay way, in a STRAIGHT way. Steve Niles NEVER touches any other man ANYWHERE, above all not with his COCK! HERE'S THE LIBERACE IN TRAINING:
No, it's not Aaron Carter the faggy singer, it's the FAGGIEST HOMO IN ALL OF GAYSISTENCE. How GAY is he? Well, STEVE NILES HEARD FROM HIS GOOD BUDDY AT THE 'FAG CONTROL' MILITIA that "Chris" here used to work at a gay carnival where he ran the BOBBING FOR COCKS game. In BOBBING FOR COCKS the goal is to PUT YOUR HEAD IN THE BARREL AND LATCH YOUR FAG MOUTH ONTO AS MANY DICKS AS POSSIBLE IN A PERIOD OF 1 MINUTE. One night a customer challenged him with a bet: if Chris could SUCK 50 COCKS IN 1 MINUTE, HE WOULD GIVE CHRIS HIV. Sure enough, Chris sucked off THE ENTIRE MOTHERFUCKING BARREL OF COCKS. There's a reason other homos called "Chris" the Vacuum Cleaner - HE SUCKS ALL THE SEMEN OUT OF A GAY GUY'S BALLS.
His Myspace, or, rather, FAGSPAGE, is the gayest thing I've ever seen since when the little QUEER whose girlfriend I stole started whining about it on his GAYJOURNAL. I had to rock out to Disturbed for 20 minutes to get my testosterone level back up after seeing it, it was so GAY. Every post in his blog he complains about how people make fun of him for being GAY or about how his parents don't love their fucking fag cockmonger of a son. Oh, I'm so sorry calling you a fag and hanging you from a post interferes with your intense schedule of FUCKING GAY ASS LICKING. He calls himself "The new face of homosexuality", and I agree - the new face of homosexuality FOR ME TO FUCKING POUND ON USING MY FIST! If there's any justice in the world, the year won't end until me, Thomas Jane and Richard Corben BEAT THE HELL OUT OF CHRISSY D'FAGGOTIER and THEN USE HIS FAGGY BODY AS A SCARECROW TO SCARE AWAY FAGS COMPLAINING ABOUT ME STEALING THEIR BITCH ASS HO GIRLFRIENDS.
For interests other than JUGGLING DICKS IN HIS FUCKING FAG MOUTH, Chrissy enjoys a lot of odd and contradictory things, like 'asshole avoidance'. HOW CAN YOU AVOID ASSHOLES IF YOU'RE A FAG? I figure fags display their fucking assholes all the time, with signs that say "SHOVE YOUR DICK IN HERE!" 'Crossed legs', another interest, actually fits him because I REALLY DOUBT A FAG OF HIS GAYGNATUDE EVEN HAS A FUCKING DICK, HE PROBABLY JUST HAS ANOTHER HOLE FOR GUYS TO SHOVE THEIR GODDAMN FUCKING DICKS IN! For music he doesn't listen to AWESOME SHIT like Pukefist, Razorblood, or Disturbed, he (?) listens to gay ass faggot fucking pop queer music. Billy Corgan, REM, and Tegan and Sara all have one thing in common other than SUCKING: they're all GAY FUCKING FAGS. Tegan and Sara in particular piss off the Nilester as Tegan and Sara market themselves as lesbian sisters. Steve Niles bought their CDs expecting AUDIO PORN OR SOMETHING ELSE FUCKING COOL LIKE THAT. Steve Niles got some dyke acoustic SHIT. New tip: Unless lesbian sisters share a double dildo on a cover, THEY'RE NOT WORTH ANYTHING.
The videos are the worst. Yes, he CREATES HIS OWN FAGGOT VIDEOS AND POSTS THEM ONLINE. Some of the videos are him dancing in a thong [which fits him SINCE HE HAS NO COCK OR BALLS ANYWHERE] or him addressing people making fun of his faggot, faggot gayness. I'd link you to one of his fucking videos but the fucking embedded gayness in them might gay you up. It almost GAYED Steve Niles if not for STEVE NILES' TOTALLY AWESOME FIREWALL. I knew it was worth it to get the COCKSUCKER PROTECTION GUARD on ZONE ALARM. Now if only fucking Zone Labs released a WACK MC PROTECTION GUARD...
That's not a real magazine, but if it was, he'd be on the cover ALL THE FUCKING TIME, with stories about how many dicks he's sucked over the years, his preference for RASPBERRY FLAVORED COCK JUICE or THE YEAR'S MOST FASHIONABLE LISP. Speaking of lisps, all of his GAY ASS FRIENDS HAVE THEM. Why? Because they're ALL GAY. Not one single lover of the pussy in his friends list unless you count the DYKES, AND I DON'T. He has about 11000 friends but I bet all those people are just the number of dicks he's blown, or strap-ons in the case of the fucking DYKES.
Steve Niles greatly disapproves of fucking GAY people and especially in this case because he is the faggiest fag who ever fagged himself into a fagstorm. If Steve Niles never had to fucking deal with motherfucking faggots again, Steve Niles would be in motherfucking HEAVEN, and could finally find time to write his AWESOME NEW COMIC BOOK MINISERIES, 30 Nights of Day. IT'S ABOUT VAMPIRES, MOTHERFUCKERS.
STEVE NILES RECOMMENDED DEATH FOR CHRISSY: LET HIM GO BOBBING FOR COCKS ONLY FILL THE BARREL WITH EXPLOSIVES SO WHEN HE LATCHES ON TO A COCK HE FUCKING EXPLODES!!!
View previous Myspace Losers of the Week: