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BY STEVE NILES AND SPECIAL GUEST APPEARANCE BY GAY ULTRON
I'M STEVE NILES AND THE LADIES IN THE HOUSE BETTER SAY OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MOTHERS LOCK UP YOUR DAUGHTERS CAUSE STEVE NILES IS HERE THOUGH HE CAN BREAK THROUGH LOCKS EASILY USING THE LOCKPICK ATTACHMENT TO HIS COCK! In the third week of my month long look at FAGGOTS and the FAGS who love them, I will be showing you a different kind of fucking dicklover than I showed you before: a black gaylord. YES, NOT ONLY DOES HE LOVE GLOCKS HE LOVES COCKS TOO! Enough chatter, I'm gonna get this BITCH on the road, and possibly this FAGGOT thrown out of a moving CAR!
He has about FIFTY THOUSAND pictures of his dick loving MUG on his Myspace, all of which point out the fucking faggotry he obviously has a really gay case of. For instance, EARRINGS. Steve Niles remembers 'LEFT IS RIGHT AND RIGHT IS WRONG', but this faggot wears TWO earrings, one in each ear! That makes it SUPERGAY! Steve Niles NEVER wears earrings, earrings are for faggots and women, and Nilesman only fucks the latter, NOT THE FUCKING FORMER. Furthermore, Faggot Kong wears jewelry too, beads and necklaces and glasses! STEVE NILES ONLY WEARS GLASSES TO HIDE HIS SECRET IDENTITY OF NILESMAN SO STEVE NILES MAY LIVE IN PEACE AS MILD MANNERED SEX GOD STEVE NILES! BEADS AND NECKLACES ARE A SIGN OF SOMEONE GARGLING SEMEN AND BRUSHING THEIR TEETH WITH SPERM! So he's not straight, NOT AT ALL.
The next thing NILES, GOD OF HAMMERING CHICKS notices is how 'Roberto' tries to MASK HIS FAGGOTRY BUT FAILS HORRIBLY. Throwing a picture of a woman next to your GAYASS GAY ASS self doesn't make you look straight, it makes you look gayer in comparison to the picture of the fucking woman next to you, you fucking FAGGOT! Then the other pictures of him standing with women lead STEVE NILES, AWESOME SCIENTIST to conclude two things: 1. He uses these women as 'beards', a HOMO term for dating chicks just to look straight. I HEAR JOE FAGGOT QUESADA'S WIFE IS HIS BEARD AND HE'S REALLY FUCKING BLOWING BRIAN FUCKING MICHAEL FUCKING BENDIS IN BETWEEN ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN SCRIPTS! 2. When no one looks, FAGBERTO and these women go out on FAG DRAGS to pick up MEN. According to the Steve Niles FAG HATING DICTIONARY, FAG DRAG is defined as: "an event wherein FAGGOTS and BITCHES go out to find men by using their pure estrogen to trick REAL MEN into doing FAGGOTY things like go shopping and enter a RELATIONSHIP'! What a bunch of SICK FREAKS.
I WANTED DEFINITIVE PROOF so I asked FAMED HOMOGAY STAFF WRITER GAY ULTRON [WHAT A FUCKING HOMO] to write about how gay he is. HERE'S GAYOHNNY!!!
Well, he's obviously really gay. I've never seen someone so gay and I work part-time as testiclestender at the gay robot bar "NUTS AND NUTS". Take a look at one of the pictures on the Myspace for proof:
Darling. I'd let him butter MY scones any day! The skewed ballbase cap, the hand almost reaching down in his lovely sleek pants signifying the need to find a cock, any cock, and the obviously transvestite man standing right next to him. The nice little ensemble periwinkle blue T-shirt is a definite giveaway, too. I've only seen gay guys and men on the down low wear such fabulous shirts. You know, that reminds me, I put my mouth on 'spin dry' for a black man last Friday, maybe it's him...I need to do a taste test or a penis lineup to be sure, but I'm pretty confident I sucked off this guy last week. Mmhm, and he was SUCH a gentleman, I even recycled his semen into a nice martini drink. Flavored Nathan Lane, I believe. Yes, Roberto Ramone is definitely someone who cannot even fly straight. A hunky gay guy if I've ever seen one...the pictures makes me want to Tarzan right in his ass right now...
OKAY, ENOUGH GAY FAGGOTMOSEXUAL TALK! BACK TO STEVE NILES' INCREDIBLE STRAIGHTNESS! If anything, the interests DOMO ARIGOTO MR. CUMGOTO entered on his page only prove STEVE BADASS NILES' point MORE. Favorite movie: BLOW, which TOUGH AS NILES BELIEVES IS A MOVIE ABOUT BLOWING GUYS! Jesus Fucking Niles, why not put BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN OR THE PIRATES OF THE COCKIBBEAN ON THE LIST TOO?!?! And I never heard of anyone who liked the Killers and PUSSY at the same time! For TV shows, Horatio Dickblower lists Entourage [STOLE EVERYTHING FROM STEVE NILES], Project Runway [only good if you want to become a runway model or a HOMOSEXUAL PEDOPHILE, AND STEVE NILES IS NEITHER], Six Feet Under [more like SIX FEET UNDER IS WHERE YOU'RE GONNA BE SOON IF I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT, YOU FUCKING FAGGOT] and last and gayest, THE O.C.. Why the fuck do you watch that faggot show, fag? Because hot guys are on it and thanks to NEW VIRTUAL REALITY PROGRAMS IF YOU HOOK UP YOUR POWER GLOVE TO THE TV YOU CAN GIVE ADAM BRODY A HANDJOB IN BETWEEN SCENES?!?! What a fucking 'mo.
You want FINAL PROOF of his schlonglovery? He's a writer. NOT A BADASS WRITER LIKE ME, WHO WRITES ABOUT VAMPIRES AND VAMPIRES IN SPACE AND EXPLODING HEADS AND VAMPIRES TAKING OVER CNN AND MISSILE SILOS AND THEN AT THE END MT. RUSHMORE IS BITTEN INTO BY THE VAMPIRE STATUE OF LIBERTY AND THERE'S FUCKING BLOOD EVERYWHERE, he's a FAGGOT prose writer. So no EXPLODING THINGS AT ALL UNLESS YOU INCLUDE MY BALLS EXPLODING DUE TO LACK OF TESTOSTERONE IN FAGBERTO'S WRITING.
THIS GIVES ME A GREAT IDEA FOR A COMIC BOOK! I'M GONNA CALL IT 30 DAYS OF NIGHT: VAMPIRES VERSUS A STUPID FUCKING WHO WRITES SHITTY GARBAGE LIKE THIS! THE STORY TAKES PLACE IN ALASKA WHERE FOR 30 DAYS OUT OF THE YEAR, ALASKA IS IN COMPLETE DARKNESS! So when DARKNESS FALLS, the vampires attack not humans, but SPECIFICALLY THE FAG I'M TALKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW! Detective Neve Stiles helps the vampires for once since even he's disgusted by the fucking FAGGOTRY of FAGBERTO THE HOMO FAGSEXUAL! Art by Ben Templesmith, MY GOOD PAL, and dialogue by THOMAS "THE PAINKILLER" JANE! Why? CAUSE HE'S AWESOME, THAT'S WHY AND IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND, SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE STEVE NILES SHUTS YOU UP PERMANENTLY WITH HIS COCKSMACK PILEDRIVER OF AWESOMETAGEOUSNESS!
Steve Niles isn't writing about this FAG anymore. He's so gay it's almost turning STEVE NILES INTO ONE OF THEM! Quick, I better replenish my testosterone supply by transfusing some TESTOSTERONE THE LOST THIRD REEL OF THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE UGLY WHERE CLINT EASTWOOD KILLS EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE WHILE FUCKING AN ALIEN BABE FROM SATURN! TO THE NILESCAVE! [5 minutes later] Okay, I'm back to my regular health of being 400% MAN, and 3% GOD! I'M GONNA GO KILL SOME PROSTITUTES USING ONLY MY PENIS AND A TESLA COIL. I'LL BE BACK NEXT WEEK FOR THE LAST INSTALLMENT OF STEVE NILES' STUPID MOTHERFUCKER OF THE WEEK, BUT UNTIL THEN, REMEMBER, THERE'S A LITTLE STEVE NILES IN YOUR GIRLFRIEND, YOUR SISTER AND YOUR MOTHER! MAYBE EVEN YOUR GRANDMOTHER!
STEVE NILES RECOMMENDED DEATH FOR FAGBERTO: CLINT EASTWOOD AND STEVE NILES SET HIM ON FIRE AND USE HIS CHARRED REMAINS AS BEER MUGS!
View previous Myspace Losers of the Week: