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Welcome to Livejournal Moron of the Week!
by Doom
Ah, another week, another pathetic display on part of a dubious member of so-called 'humanity'. There are many things that anger me. White women, Craig Thompson, fan fiction, immigrants, cats...the list goes on. But definitely, number 1 on the list would be stupid rich white kids who are incredibly depressed despite having no real problems or difficulties in their spoiled little lives. That's why they are depressed; they don't have shit to do like everyone else so they get brainwashed by Zoloft commercials. But that's just MY opinion. Why don't you take a look at this week's Livejournal Moron and decide for yourself!
http://imortalmisery.livejournal.com
The first thing you will notice is that this person is so stupid that they failed to spell 'immortal' right. Maybe it's iMortal, an Apple product for goths? Unlikely, but it'd be appropriate. Trust me, it gets even better. This girl is a weight freak and thus bulimic. So there are a LOT of really hilarious entries about how she suffered at dinner where there was all this great food that should've been eaten but she was able to resist, something she's somehow proud of. Starving yourself, refusing to eat the benefits from living in a country that fucks every other country over while people in Bangladesh and the Sudan are dying of hunger: a great goal! But that's not the only kind of bitching/whiny histrionic shit! One entry, which I'm about to show you, is chock full of overdramatic hilarity that I previously only thought existed in dreams!
This is the ultimate in self-centered overdramatic whine. Oh no, homework is numerous! TIME TO SLICE AWAY MY PROBLEMS! I'm feeling some vicarious philosophy in this post, folks, because every original thought reads very second hand here. Perfectionist? Fuck the world? Misanthropy? Reminds me of the Ben Stiller Show called 'Clichéd Tales of Low Budget Horror', about a misanthropic DJ named Damien Faustman who hates people 'almost as much as I hate...myself'. Hopefully, like Ben Stiller's character, this clichéd little girl goes on to spend eternity in a low budget version of Hell where clocks have blood on them.
This is where I begin to think that the entire journal is a wind-up, because out of all the stereotypes there are for heavy internet users, the most prevalent is that they hate sunlight and spend all their time in their room with the shades drawn. But then I remember who this person is and that the hating sunlight thing works perfectly with the stupid cunt douchebag who complains whilst still having no life.
I don't know what's worse, the love for 3 Doors fuckin' Down or the opinion that a fucking 3 Doors Down song accurately depicts what a human being is feeling at any point in time in any life in any reality, present, existing, alternate or theoretical.
Okay, now I get it. This girl played the Crow in Crow 4: Wicked Prayer! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW
Since this 'human being' is so obsessed with dying and death, we thought it'd be appropriate for a semi-regular appearance of The Daily Raider's Death Betting Odds!
800:1 - Natural causes, age 78
658:1 - After a suicide attempt, decides life is worth living, gets hit by a
car and necrophilia raped by Donnie Pfaster
9:1 - Fails to slice wrists correctly for 20th time, decides to drink some Drano
5:1 - Body starts eating itself after several days without food, dies with stomach strangely full at age 19
2:1 - Someone who reads her stupid fucking Livejournal entries decides to put her out of her misery
1:1 - Fatal rickets
View previous Livejournal Morons of the Week:
Week 1: Exnine