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Livejournal Moron of the Week #7: God save the Saxons!
by Doom and Rammspieler
Another week, another Livejournal is the motto here. Of course this week being the week were we have dealt with our conservative alter-egos, plus last week's Myspace Loser of the Week being precisely about one such conservative, I figured that it's about time that LJ presented to us one of it's more Right leaning denizens. So far Right leaning in fact, that it borders on being a case for the Nazi Angst files, were it not for the fact that this week's Moron in question is probably as Jewish as Lorne Michaels and Michael Savage. I think that the following case is the kind of nutjob that Alan Moore had in mind when he was writing V for Vendetta. So let's get the mockery underway, shall we?
Meet pheowulf. Anglo-Saxonphile extraordinaire and somebody whom I quite frankly believe to be either purely a product of the Internet, or Zell Miller because he seems to either be Catholic one moment then the next minute becomes a God fearing Protestant, much like how Zell Miller jumps political party every two minutes. I was going to go for the former theory, but after taking a look at his profile and the blogs that link to him, I must go with the 'this guy is 100% for real and 220% insane' theory. Anyways, here we have someone who just isn't too versed in his history, or read it out of a 19th century history book. I know that there are still some British people out there who still hold a grudge against Germany for the war and all the asskickings they receive from German teams at soccer matches, but this shit is ridiculous. The Saxons leaving the European mainland because they got tired of doing all the asskicking? Funny, because most any history book will tell you that it was quite the opposite in Dark Age Britain. Not only were the Angles and the Saxons getting pillaged and raped by the Romans and later on the Germanic tribes, but by the Celts, and the Vikings as well! Oh yeah, apparently, he has a big ego that he likes to stroke with LJ tests that seem to give you imaginary popularity ratings. You know what? I think I just discovered where the president's PR advisors get the numbers they tell Dubya just how popular he is from!
Even more contradictions! You know who this pheowulf reminds me of? The Vampire/Goth/Christian/Nazi hybrid dude that I mentioned way back in my first Nazi Angst article. In one post he's anti-German and calls them everything BUT a conservative society, and that they can suck English dick (not Spotted Dick I'm afraid) and now he's praising them for being the moral compass of the medieval world! It's this post alone that sounds so damn impossible that a person with rational thought processes would make it, that makes me doubt whether this guy is some elaborate troll or not. Also note how he starts his rant with something about hating fags then it quickly descends into 'IN GLAND PWNZ0RZ U ALLZ U D00DZ SUXZORZ TEH BIG!!!!!111!23FOUR!!!' and that despite being a society without morals, Germans are indeed very moral! Speaking of contradictions, he likens Odin and Norse religion to Jesus Christ and Christianity. He also has as an alternate avatar a picture of Francisco Franco, dictator of Spain and A BIG TIME CATHOLIC. So he considers Franco to be worthy enough Fascist jack-off material to be on his blog, yet he just whines about how pagan religions, Catholics, Muslims, Jews and Communists are out to destroy Christian civilization as we know it. Can we be sure if this was in fact written by Michael Savage? Later on when I found out that the whole anti-German rant was just pheowulf trying to be 'funny'. The sad thing is that his whole blog is so damn depressing and full of vitriol, that he's not even funny when he's trying to be funny. Oh well, I guess we can rest assured that he indeed is a Nazi Angster, as real Nazis don't go about whining on Internet blogs about how fags are ruining his afternoon tea and scones whilst watching a game of footy on telly!
Sigh indeed, pheowulf. I would at least think that you would have given Eastern civilization credit for preserving most of the knowledge that has made your modern lifestyle of inane hatred and depressingly not-so-very-humorous humor with a "they have served their purpose, but they have become immoral heathens and they make me cringe whenever I go to my local curry place to get may favorite chicken vindaloo!" comment. But no, his hatred affects his ability to learn as well and he doesn't realize yet that Western civilization and Christianity would not have been possible without the science and philosophy of the East. But then again, most extreme Right-wingers aren't too big into things like 'logic' and 'facts'. He also thinks that the hated rat-faced Jew race should get rid of the Palestinians, but he doesn't say what God should do once he claims the Holy Land as his Kingdom on Earth. I would sure love to know what obscure Bible quote he will pull up that tell us that Jews are the biological children of Satan, though! I for one don't believe in all this God, that hairy hippy dude that is the Son of God and Satan crap. I've grown out of that and now I am a firm believer in the Lords of Kobol, who will guide us back to the thirteenth colony of Mankind. Now that religion makes sense! So say we all.
When you read one of these posts you wonder "Gee, he seems to hate everyone, I mean, he rattled off Jews, Mexicans, Muslims, gays, Africans, all in short order. Who DOES he like?" The answer, quite simply, is no one. This guy probably hates other Christians for not being Christian enough. He reminds me of that brief period in my life where I went to church every week and was forced to deal with other Christian youths so that I could be confirmed to take communion. In one of those classes I mentioned that I live in a mostly Jewish neighborhood and later someone said to me "Why do you live there? You do know that your whole neighborhood's going to Hell, right?" And that was someone from a liberal church! I'd hate to see what church this weirdo goes to. Oh, and so he can note our diversity and love of the mongrel races, my name's Doom, I live in a Jewish neighborhood, one of my best friends is black, I used to be in love with an Asian girl, my cousin married a Catholic and my favorite movies are by a Japanese director! TAKE THAT, WHITE MAN!
In the end, as much as I would like to love the British for their wonderful TV shows and the steam engine, pheowulf is just another notch in my 'Top 100 reasons to hate the English' list, right along with things like Crazy Frog, Mini Coopers, David and Victoria Beckham and the shittiest tasting national dishes known to man. It's no wonder they love Indian food so much.