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Facebook Idiot of the Week

by Dizz

guest analysis by Rammspieler

It has long been suggested that I am not actually British, but am in fact from Texas. This is not true; I happen to reside in Texas, but I hail from Manchester. Regardless, there are occasions like this that I have to acknowledge that I am not in my glorious homeland. As most of you know, there is a Representative from Texas running for President. Surprisingly, he is the representative for my district, and thus it's my duty to mock him. If nothing else, I can consider this writing to my representative.

Obviously, there isn't much information on there, so you're just going to have to take my word on some stuff. As a Christian and a Republican, he's going to be anti-fag and anti-abortion. So let's think about that shit for a second. Yes, for some strange reason I have a feeling he's a weak-minded fool who needs to be led by some big imaginary guy in the sky who shakes a finger at him from centuries old beliefs. The Republican thing is easily understood when you realize he's a cracker who was born in the Great Depression. You know, hating niggers and all really helps him fit in.

Now, all of this alone makes for a pretty shitty candidate in my opinion. However, that doesn't even begin to touch on his ECONOMIC PLAN! That is easily summed up by the words: "let the market decide". See, Ron Paul used to be a representative from the Palacios district (unsure on the number), but back then he wasn't a Republican, he was a Libertarian! THIS GUY KEEPS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE!!! This guy-you know what, this guy isn't even worth doing the piss speech over. I mean, the only way to heal yourself from the eternal wound in the consciousness that is known as Libertarianism is to go to the completely opposite side of the spectrum: Socialism!

Still, so far I've only made generalizations about Ron Paul. Now I think it's time to go to Wikipedia (the Internet font of knowledge) and get some "facts". My comments are in italics!
Paul has been called a conservative, Constitutionalist, and libertarian. He advocates non-interventionist foreign policy, AKA, let's just let the world solve itself, MAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN, it TOTALLY worked to help fix Europe in World War II having voted against the Iraq War Resolution. He favors withdrawal from NATO and the United Nations FUCK THE UNITED NATIONS, AMERICA FOREVER, DOOOODZ!!! Seriously, though, withdrawing from NATO? That's just ridiculously stupid, supports free trade but not NAFTA or the World Trade Organization THE MARKET CHOOSES THE RON PAUL TRADE ORGANIZATION!!!!, and opposes amnesty and birthright citizenship for illegal aliens Fucking spics, taking good Texans' jobs! Of course, considering most illegal immigrants have better English and literature skills than most Texans, I think he's just afraid that Texas will be taken over to help save Mexico. HE'S SELFISH AND RACIST!!! Paul supports reducing government spending and states that he has never voted in Congress to raise taxes or to approve an unbalanced budget Paul's budget was just a paper with "LET THE FUCKING MARKET FUCKING DECIDE GUYS!!!". Paul opposes the federal income tax and wants to abolish most federal agencies THE GUBAHMENT IS TAKING ALL MY MONEY says Paul. He opposes the Patriot Act, the federal War on Drugs, and gun control Er, what the fuck is this shit? Three things sane people support in an obviously insane and evil man's platform? I THINK THOSE WIKIPEDIA FAGS ARE FUCKING THINGS UP AGAIN!!! I think this should read "He opposes poor people, spics, and niggers." NOW IT MAKES SENSE! Paul is strongly pro-life, advocating the overturn of Roe v. Wade, and affirms states' rights to determine the legality of abortion. Every time I read the words "states' rights" I think back to Strom Thurmond running for states' rights to legalize nigger hunting. NOW ALL MY ALLEGATIONS OF RACISM ARE JUSTIFIED, MOTHERFUCKERS!

You know, maybe I'm just making this article too personal, Rammspieler, why don't you lend a foreign eye to this motherfucker whilst I have a pipe?

As a Puerto Rican, I don't really give a fuck about who runs for President. Why should I, if we can't even vote for President (let alone actually do shit in congress)? I know that maybe I should care a bit more because whomever becomes President is also responsible for whatever shit happens here. So should Ron Paul end up becoming President, what would happen to this fine piece of dung in the sun? Well I think the first thing that would happen is that he will realize that a place called Puerto Rico exists and that it is full of spics. Hence we must get rid of the spics. But since the Market is wise, we will let the Market decide! Welp. The Market has decided long ago and as a result the Market has decided to outsource our jobs to places worse off than us. Hence causing a mass influx of LEGAL immigration from Puerto Rico to the US and causing the spic population to grow. So in a way the Market favors the permanence of spics. Since Ron Paul is a firm believer in the Market, then he will have to abide. The Market sure can be a fickle mistress!

Brilliant, comrade, brilliant. Another thing that needs to be said is that Ron Paul is a physician who majored in gynecology. Honestly, you stupid fucking cracker. THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO CHECK OUT SOME CHICK'S PUSSY THAN TO TAKE TONS OF MEDICAL TRAINING!!! Since he's a Christian, he can't fuck them. But as Shane Vendrell once said: "Eatin' ain't Cheatin'". I mean, come on, that just sums up how pathetic this motherfucker must be.

Yet we need to pay attention to how likely it is that he will be elected, and considering how hilariously unpopular his party is at the moment he's unlikely to be elected as president. Still, to even get in that election he has to make it through the primaries, which means he has to face down Giuliani, Thompson, and....Keyes. If he has a direct debate with Giuliani, that alone might destroy his chances at the primaries. I mean, even the most Southern retards would be hard pressed to vote for a person whose counterpoint is "THE MARKET OBVIOUSLY CALLED FOR 9/11!!!!". On the other hand, if he gets in a direct debate with Keyes he'll be looking good because most Republicans, as we all know, vote by colour and would therefore never vote for a black man to be president. A BLACK PRESIDENT MIGHT ACTUALLY TRY AND HELP THOSE EVIL, BLACK, POOR PEOPLE!!!! And we as Americans will not see a race that has long been kept on the bottom through institutional racism be brought up by our government. THOSE LAZY NIGGERS OUGHT TO PICK THEMSELVES UP BY THEIR OWN BOOTSTRAPS!!! When it comes down to McCain and Ron Paul...they're both old crackers, and they both are completely insane and incredibly unlikely to win. A possibility is they are actually robot clones of each other and if Ron Paul gets the Republican nomination he will explode as opposed to the more stable McCain (which would explode only if he's elected president or reminded of Vietnam). Well, honestly, I think it's more wishful thinking on my part, but who gives a fuck. I hate all of the major candidates these days, so why the fuck would I not want McCain and Ron Paul to not die along with Obama and Clinton, especially since they're with the decidedly worse party? I'm saying we at the Raider should get out our torches and pitchforks and fucking kill all these motherfuckers and start the revolution already. It's time to quit fucking around. I'M FUCKING TIRED OF WAITING TO TURN THE AMERICAN SOUTH INTO A NUCLEAR WASTELAND LIKE IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!!!

Honestly, if it weren't really fucking late and me being really fucking tired and having class in the morning, I would have a lot more here, but circumstances out of my control prevented me from getting this done earlier today, so you're just going to have to deal with the somewhat short Ron Paul hatred from our favorite token Brit. Perhaps some other time Scarecrow (if he's not doing coke off of his homework again) and I will delve back into the hilarious world of Ron Paul's mind and continue our mockery, but for now, I must bid you all farewell. Tallyho!