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Facebook Idiot of the Week
by Doom, Rammspieler, Nerdlinger and Jurassic3000
guest starring Token Minority Conservative
Isn't it amazing, people? A politician who said he was going to change the way politics occurred in this shithole country of ours chose to have an old white guy with Beltway ties as his running mate. The very motherfucker who Colin Powelled him with claims that he was clean and articulate. You might even remember a Daily Raider article Mr. Biden wrote on the subject. (Incidentally, said article skyrocketed our appeal with skinheads.) But he's the veep and there's nothing we can do about it in terms of politics. But in terms of comedy we can do plenty. First, by mocking the group which actually sought to have him selected as Vice Presidential Candidate. They're so pathetic you may even start to wonder if they're closet McCain supporters.
FACEBOOK WEEK #78: JOE BIDEN FOR VP!
That's the kind of low level investment I've come to expect from Joe Biden!
I just want to first ask: "Who the fuck is Joe Biden?" Really, I don't know if anyone outside his state really gave a shit about him enough to have joined this group before he was chosen by Obama. Let's take a look at him. What is he, really? A white man. And since when do Obama supporters trust the white man? You know what he's gonna do with Obama? Give him the whiteness his campaign needed, and that's about it. Well, I can tell you this, Obama has just lost his support from my Nation of Islam sect. Hope he's happy being running mates with the White Devil.
Let's have a look at Joe's description on this page: "Joe is clearly the most qualified candidate for Vice President. Clearly! Beyond that, he's a pretty aweosme guy." Yes, clearly is such a word to use to endorse your candidate. You know, this is one of the most half assed descriptions for a VP candidate there probably is on Facebook. Could have at least tried to make this page some sort of viral ad to endorse Biden and make me want to vote for Obama because he's on the ticket now. But all I get is some shit that says he's an awesome guy. Man, fuck that noise. I need some substance if I want to choose my VP candidate. I need something with more meat. I need to know what he stands for, damn it.
Time to peruse the comments of the few, the sad, the Biden for VP supporters for such a thing:
I can see that the "Hey Man!" hippie liberal contingent has already latched on to the idea of Joe Biden for veep. Ban all guns?! Have you no sense of patriotic pride, Maureen?! It's only because of the Second Amendment that we are able to keep the Red Coats at bay and the illegals from stealing our jobs! But in all seriousness, folks, in case you wanted to know why yours truly can be described as a "Right thinking Leftist", it's because I strongly support the right to bear arms. One, because taking karate classes for self-defense is not for everybody, especially the obese (the majority of Americans nowadays) and those who bruise easily (nerds like us). Two, because seriously, what straight male DOES NOT like guns?! I admit that I'm pretty much a noob when it comes to gun savvy and my knowledge is pretty much limited to those codec briefings from the Metal Gear Solid games. Considering that all human beings aspire to hold some form of power yet true power is only reserved for the rich, then the common man must resort to a representation of power to feel it. AKA Guns. These fuckers want to take away from me the only thing that can make me feel important if only for a few moments. My answer? "From my cold dead hands!"
Alberto, why even bother? That's just one thing I never understood about you statehooders. You think that America has to take Puerto Rico seriously when in fact it never has and that your vote in that pathetic spectacle that was the Democratic primaries in Puerto Rico (where Hillary won, by the way) would somehow change the race and legitimatize our own bastard opinions even though when Election Day comes you won't be able to vote for Obama? Or for anybody running for President? Yes, people in Puerto Rico who give a fuck about politics on the federal level actually went out to participate in the primaries. What's even funnier is the fact that those who did vote most likely belonged to the Statehood party which in itself is closely affiliated with the GOP!
HA HA HA HA HA! SUCKS TO BE YOU, MAN! Bet you're in a tight spot now, aren't you white boy? Stuck between voting for either your cancer-faced God, McCain, or some no good Monkey Man. Gonna have to flip on this one, won't you?
It's official. To Katrina, knowing every prime minister, even the prime minister of Antarctica (WINK WINK), automatically makes a person a good VP. I almost pity her blind faith in Biden and Obama. I could tell her Biden would bring Jesus back and then smite the ANTIBUSHCHRIST and she'd eat it up. Then, I'd tell her that Biden needs her prayers to stop the war in Iraq. Oh, and God put both Biden and Obama on Earth to deliver humanity from their sins. Of course, that can only happen if she drinks the Kool-Aid. She'll do it, because if she can believe that the United States had great relations with the world before BUSH came along, then she'll believe anything.
Ah come on, she lives in Georgia. She should be used to people hating each other for no damn reason. Romney might believe that blacks are going to Mormon hell, but Biden thinks that people with darker skin tones are dirty animals who dance well and engage in acts of "ape rage". Just because Obama picks him after the stupidity from about a year ago doesn't mean he thinks any better of people who aren't white. The only reason Biden is VP is because idiots in America think "Obama= NIGGER MUSLIM". Biden at least reassures them that a "normal" man can represent the country instead of the Ay-Rabian Candidate. Really, if Romney's ignorance sets off a klaxon to her, then Biden's nomination should be a frickin' nuclear explosion.
Token Minority Conservative: At least this person has the dignity to not use a real name. When this idiot liberal walks into that Diebold e-machine on November 2nd, that button will be pushed and then what? It's all over. All of that cheerleading will end and then the painful truth (sorry Neal) will settle in. Biden as VP won't change anything and neither will Obama as president. As a McCain supporter and a believer in the inherent inferiority of mudraces, TMC (short for Token Minority Conservative for those of you too dumb to read) realizes that a presidency consisting of a half-breed WHO ISN'T BLACK and a paternalistic white liberal feticider will only lead the Greatest Country on the Face of the Earth into a state of decadence and corruption. See, with a McCain vote I can at least say that while I'm voting for a fence sitting turncoat who only sides with Bush and his party 95% of the time, I can at least say that I know where McCain stands. The typical Obama supporter spends more time jerking off to Britney Spears pictures than reading on Obama's policies. Well, at least that's what those lovely commercials say.
Well, someone was going to have to make witty observation sooner or later that more people decided to hope on the bandwagon just because he's aligned with Obama now. But Mike makes this a personal vendetta now, with the use of the Prince of Persia: Warrior Within for his avatar. Now, being the site Persian, I have a bit of a love for the Prince of Persia series by Ubisoft. And this faggot, this little faggot right here is using the worst of the three as his avatar. That shit don't fly right with me. So he's sullying the game's mediocre name with his jumping on the bandwagon (or at least the pointings of it out) and using that God damn "XD" emoticon. Way to make me like the guy, man, using a little faggot emoticon that I'd be embarrassed to use on AIM. Great. Fucking. Job.
So HE was the one responsible for that waste of good ammo in the Balkans during the 90's?! And training Bosnian Muslims? I can see the anti-Biden slant forming over this one right now from the GOP. "JOE BIDEN SUPPORTS TERROR BY CALLING NIGGERS "ARTICULATE" AND WANTING TO TRAIN GOD HATING MUSLIMS! A public service announcement brought to you by Friends of McCain!" But seriously, the Balkans flare-up fucking blew and Biden proving instrumental in it shows anyone thinking he represents any dove-inclination in the Democratic Party needs their goddamn head checked. What resulted in less violence against women, the NATO bombings or Biden's "IMPRESSIVE" VAWA? Here's a hint: one of them didn't involve hundreds of deaths from superior firepower.
What did all of this teach us other than Biden people are among the most boring and inane people of all the Earth? Analyzing Biden will drive most to madness for how boring and nondescript he is compared to every other Dem. At best he says more stupid shit and looks whiter than a decent percentage of the Congress. The lack of enthusiasm for him is contagious; from reading this group I developed a serious case of narcolepsy. Note also how Republicans don't bother trolling it. What would be the point? Who would become pissed off about claiming Biden lacks legitimacy? Joseph K. Biden: The Starch Politician.