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Facebook Idiot of the Week
by Doom
guest starring Freakface
Week 80: Matthew Worth
The Daily Raider Freakface's benefits are immense, but one we've not yet tapped - until now - is using the idiots who friend Freakface as Facebook Idiots of the Week for comedy fodder. I don't know why I didn't think of it until now because, really, all of his 40 something friends are perfect people for the feature, staff writers excluded (well, included in the case of Lem). The people who would friend Freakface, they're fucking morons deserving scorn and mockery. I mean, these shitheads find Freakface going from jarhead to monstrosity of medical science an inspirational story. Come on! He's just another army STRONG retard who got fucked up due to Fuckface's idiotic war. And he still supports the war that destroyed his life! His only distinction is he got to live to make mad appearance money talking about how he was once a man. I don't find it inspiring, I find it cautionary, as in "don't join the army unless you want to wake up to a papier mache every day". But hey, I have a brain. Others, such as Matthew Worth, don't.
Matthew Worth is first hilarious because he's not even American. He fetishizes military service and yet he serves in the Canadian military. I don't think Canada really fucking does anything with their military since they don't often involve themselves in a significant fashion in stupid fucking wars. According to the Internet, there's less than 3,000 in Afghanistan and very few in Iraq. As much as I respect Canada, they're not going to turn the tide of any fucking war. A Canadian spoiling for war was obviously born between the wrong borders. And what's more, he's from Nova Scotia of all places. If there's one place virulently fascist and racist and supporting of the use of force on the Third World for the benefit of the First World, it's not Nova fucking Scotia. Alberta, perhaps, but not Nova Scotia. The cognitive dissonance inherent in the asshole is fuckin' astounding.
That said, as I have explored in a prior article, the left-of-the-US political bent of much of Canada has stoked the flames of pissed off white men, of which Matthew Worth is a perfect example. Just like Mark Steyn, he fits into the niche of losers that naturally spring up in any liberal environment. There's a reason why Liberal Fascism saw a lot of recommends at the Indigo I went to last August, and that's that the conservative minority becomes crazier the more of a minority it is. Anyone with a picture of themselves holding a gun on their Facebook default profile picture qualifies as crazy, because anybody who thinks gun holding on Facebook connotes being a badness is fuckin' delusional. There's no arguing that fact. You can try, but you'll fail. Guy can't be very smart if he friended Freakface either.
In fact, Worth especially seems to be an American born in the wrong country when you take a look at his interests. I find it disappointing because in some respects he has quite good taste, like The Shield, Trailer Park Boys and The Simpsons. Then he fucks it up by being a conservative redneck. I mean, is what he takes away from The Shield is that it's great to kick down the doors of black people and kill drug dealers as long as it gets shit done? "Yeah, Chiklis, you showed those niggers what for!" is what I imagine him saying during any given episode. And look at the rest of his fucking television, it's sitcom bullshit like King of Queens and Family Guy. King of Queens? Even most Americans don't fall for that tired Kevin James bullshit. Watching the History Channel shows his amateur historian status, because no one truly interested in the subject actually watches the fucking History Channel. That's for people not smart enough to read history books.
His film choices do little to change my conception of him. He's got a shitload of shit on there, from Passion of the Christ to Click, both of which involve someone fictional being brutally beaten and disgraced before their eventual death (the latter being Christopher Walken's credibility; yes, he still had some after the Prophecy trilogy). I love how he prefaces his love of war movies by calling them "history action movies". History action movies sounds like a way better genre than it actually is. His list of horror is likewise hilarious because he manages to completely fail to understand how horror movies work. First, he lists really terrible ones, like the Saw series, Sleepy Hollow and Interview with the Vampire. Then he refers to them as "good story line movies" and decries movies which cause him to be "thinking oh yea she going to die because shes a blonde teenage virgin." Anybody who's seen slashers know the virgins don't die. The ones who dare to have premarital sex die first, you numbskull! Hell, there's an entire film (Cherry Falls) dedicated to subverting that cliché! Fucking dumbass. This asshole is starting to piss me off so I'm going to turn over the article to Freakface for a while.
MATTHEW WORTH IS GOOD FRIEND! MATTHEW WORTH FIEREND OF FREAKFACE BECUZ HE UNDASTAND PLIGHT OF FREAKFACE! BUT FREAKFACE ADMIT MAWORTH NOT FULY TRUSTED BECAUSE HE IS STINNKY CANADIAN! FREAKFACE HATE CANADIANS THEY HATE FREEDOM AND DEMOGCRACY WHERE WAS THEY IN IRAK? NONE OF THE PPL FREAKFACE SERVED WITH PLEDGE ALLIGENCE TO THE QUEEN MAPLE LEAF FLAG BULLSHIT! CANADIANANANA DOESN'T KNOW FREEDOM IF IT HIT HIM ON ASS WITH CRUISE MISSILE BECAUSE ALL THEY DO UP THERE IS SMOKE POTT AND GAY MARRIAGE AND BE ASIAN! MATTHEW WORTH OBVISLY TOO GOOD FOR CANADA BECUZ HE LIKES GUNS AND FREEDUM MORE THAN PINK OCOMMIE BULLSHGIT LIKE MAPLE LEAVE GOVERNMENT. BUT IF WORTH LOVE FREEDOM AS MUCH AS FREAKFACE DO DOES HE WOULD LEAVE COMMIEANDA AND JOIN UNITED STATES MARINE CORE WHERE HE CAN SERVE IN IRAQ TO KILL NIGGERS AND PAINT SKOOLS WITH BLOOD JUICE OF NIGGERS!
Well said, Freakface. Further reading on his page reveals Matt lived in the United States for quite some time before leaving the country to return to Canada and serve in the useless Canadian military (what do their tasks include beyond Afghanistan and killing indigenous people in Canada so the whites have more property?). He lived in the South, which he calls "the best part of America". That right there, in and of itself, shows you his ignorance, because if there's one thing the South is, it's not the best part of America. Maybe if you alter that to "best place to hang black people without being hassled by the authorities", but not the all-inclusive "best". I know. I've been there. At most points it looks like a bombed out husk, alternating between a shitty European country and Mexico. When you meet the people who live there, you wish the Civil War damage was more extensive. Fuck the South, and fuck this guy. He should've stayed in America because America is already fucked and Canada doesn't need more worthless pieces of shit sucking oxygen that could better go to someone else. The only upshot of Worth continuing to live in Canada is he could contract SARS.
It's a Hollywood Squares of dumbasses!
If you believe that to be overly harsh a declaration for someone whose only crime is existing, well, you should read this last little bit from his 'About Me': "The only people I can't stand are people who show a cold shoulder to their service men and women, because even thou for your own reasons or views you don't like/support the current conflicts and operations you don't in my mind have the right to not show respect to the men and women who serve and have died honorably for their nations." What the fuck does that mean? What does it apply to? Does he include every country's military, because I'm pretty sure killing foreigners would be showing a cold shoulder to say the least. I hate blanket adoration of military because it doesn't mean anything. You can't adore every military person because they're not some collective personality that're playing soccer with indignant foreign kids and painting schools and all that shit. They're people. They are people. Just like cops and firefighters, only firefighters don't participate in mass murder as often. His final point is asinine, that you can disagree with the policy but not with the people. Soldiers are not these amorphous entities of virtue true. If you don't want to be partially responsible for the policy, DON'T FUCKING SIGN UP YOU DUMBASSES.
He's a John McCain and Stephen Harper lover to boot. What's there to like about Matthew Worth? Nothing, that's what. His opinions noxious, his taste questionable (country music? Goddamnit!) and involves himself in the armed forces. Guy'd end up on a slab or in a coffin soon enough if Canada actually ever did shit. Dammit.