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Why God Kicks Allah's Ass
by Toby Keith
Hi, y'all. Most of you know me as famous country star/American Toby Keith. Others of you know me as the guy who slept with the pinball machine down at the local bar who fails to pay child support. Still others call me 'that fucking redneck country singer' (by the way, them people is faggots) But most of y'all don't know that I'm also a good writer. So without further a do, here's my article about why God kicks Allah's ass.
Reason Number 1: God don't wear one of them Goddamn funny towels on his head. This ain't no sauna, Allah. You gotta look good to be a creator of the universe. And you won't look good unless you take off that damn little sheet. Makes you look like Marge Simpson er one of dem other sodomy-lovin' Hollywood characters. God on ther other hand, he's gots a beard. Everybody good wears himself a beard. Me, my pa/brother, God, this guy Ah know who blew up himself an abortin' clinic...the list goes on but Ah don't know anysmore words.
Reason Number 2: God gave my Uncle Clem his eyesight back. Mah Uncle Clem went blind after drinking 67 beers in a row whiles drunk. Now, you gotta understand, we gone done tried everythin' on his eyes. We tried singing country to them, punchin' them, kickin' them, even cookin' them. But none of it worked until my Uncle Clem went to Church and drank a pint of communion wine. Suddenly, he got gain gone get his eyesight back! It was a miracle. What have YOU ever done, Allah? You might be able to blow up buildings, but you can't bring sight to the blind. If yah did, I don't care cuz it's probly in one of yer Koran books and as a proud Southerner Ah don't read! In fact, Ah reckon Ah don't even know hows to!
Reason Number 3: God has a better football team. As we all know, God loves himself some football an' nigger killing, a common activerity at football games. God has the Dallas Cowboys, and Allah's got some faggot ass field fairy team as his team. Probably soccer, the gayest non-Canadian sport ever. Kickin' balls? Faggoty, unlike the manly sport of football, where a bunch of sweaty guys try to knock each other down. Know that be is what y'all I call heterononhomosexualityity! It's God's sport fer a reason, folks. Who's gonna goin' win in a sportin' match fight, Troy Aikman, or some Serbian son of a bitch who knows how to kick shit and destroy trayditional marriage?
Reason Number 4: God's women is hotter than Allah's women. Allah won't even let them take off their clothes, but God let David screw whoever he wanted to (except another man, he's not no faggot)! All Allah got is some women in Halloween costumes and the French. Goddamn French. I hate how they's have differing opinions from us. Goddamn surrendering cowards. We oughta bomb 'em inter oblivion, then we can do whatevers we want.
Reason Number 5: God hates them faggots. In mah Bible, it says "And God told the Israelites, "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve, you fags"". See! He hates them gaysexuals almost as much as Ah hate them gaysexuals! Allah on there other hand probably hangin' out with Elton John and John Edwards right now, that fucking gaysexual homo queer commie jew faggot. But not God. If Job tried to hit on him, he'd say, 'Get back off me, faggot!' and then strike him lightning or some shit.
Reason Number 6: Allah is a nigger, and niggers ain't forgiven by God. If I remember my Tennessee Standard Bible correcterally, in Mark 21:7 it says "And Jesus said 'Kill the niggers from Judea to Jordan.'". Nawh some o' mah friends tells me Allah ain't no dark enough to be no nigger, but Ah thinks theys wrong. Why? Allah gets worshiped by who? Niggers like David Chapele plus Arabs like Sosama bin Ladden. Arabs are basicallerly niggers who live in sand, so therefore ALLAH IS A NIGGER!!!!
Reason Number 7: Allah blew up the World Trade Center. Now, I know that blowing up stuff is fun, lahke abortin' clinics, niggers' houses, and Mexico, but blowin' up a building populated by numerous people ain't the American way, unless it's the army who's doing it. Then it's awesome. Allah, you can't go gone doin' this, cause it's an act a war. God never killed anyone who didn't deserve it! Ah remember he killed all them Sodom people fors being gay! Now that's whut Ah call justerified killin'!
Reason Number 8: Ah don't understand Allah. Whatever Ah cain't easily understand is overibviously EVIL, don't y'all know that? He got himselve a book called the Koran, but y'all know I ain't one of them ready faggoty thinky types. Tobay Keith ain't no book readin' homofag! Plus it's written in this here funny talkin' squiggle lines. Toby Keith barely knows American, much less squiggle talk!
Reason Number 9: God invented country music. Country music is the bestest kind a music (except for them Dickxie Chicks communist propoganda queers) and guess who createderized it? God! Not Allah, God. Allah created the rap-hop which is tellin' all them niggers to go terrorerrororororize proud white Southern folk an' impregnate white women. We cain't allow no sandnigger do tell people to do t'at! We gots to go get are guns and are moonshine an' go areselves some lynchins'!
Reason Number 10: Here's a little song I made up on the spot to showcase Allah's faggotness.
God heals and Allah steals
Jesus saves and Muhammad don't shave
Holy Spirit is a ghost and Osama's in a cave
Them nigger Allah lovers got the oil we crave
So give us our oil or we'll kick your ass
Cause God is great and Allah sucks
Osama has no testicles and Jesus fucks
So stop blowing up our shit
Or we'll blow up yours
We'll invade you desert bastards
We'll take all your camels
What will you ride now? Magic carpets?
Allah niggers, you're fucked
Cause God is great and Allah sucks
Osama has no testicles and Jesus fucks
So stop blowing up our shit
Or we'll blow up yours
If you don't like democracy fuck you
You're gonna have to love it too
Just like Afghanistan and Iraq
They're gonna love it or they're gonna die
Fucking sand wizards
Cause God is great and Allah sucks
Osama has no testicles and Jesus fucks
So stop blowing up our shit
Or we'll blow up yours
Democracy is great
Cause the Red, White and Blue invented it
Everyone's been helped by the US
Even the French fagstards
And Africa
Cause the US is the greatest nation ever
And if you don't like it, whatever
I think that's more'n enough reasons to show you why God's better. Well, I'm gonna go drink some beer and beat my wife. Bye!
