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The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.

 

Rape: From the Rapist's Point of View

by Doom

I've been reading a lot of reports about rape, and I've noticed something similar for all of them: the reports on rape always, always take the perspective of the person raped. Always. Now, rape is obviously a terrible thing for several reasons, but...don't you think it's a little unfair to not even consult the rapists? After all, statistically, more than 50% of people involved in rapes are rapists. Why wouldn't the media ask rapists what the experience was like? Why wouldn't they give an objective viewpoint of rape instead of their typical 'rape victimizes people' shit? There has to be at least two people for a rape to happen, and taking one side blindly is not good journalism. As an aspiring journalist myself, I've taken it upon myself to report the side people don't tend to hear. You'd be surprised at how a different perspective on things radically alters the entire debate. Trust me, after reading this, you will think twice before you decry the act of forcing someone to fuck you as 'horrible'.

The first topic to be tackled is what is rape, in layman's terms. According to Klobar's Dictionary, rape is defined as "the unlawful compelling of a woman through physical force or duress to have sexual intercourse" or "a plant, Brassica napus, of the mustard family, whose leaves are used for food for hogs, sheep, etc., and whose seeds yield rape oil". I'm not a big botany guy, so understandably we'll be focusing on the sexual definition for rape. Rape has more or less existed since the beginning of time, since the first Tyrannosaurus Rex forced a Triceratops to suck his balls for the very justifiable reason of the T-Rex being unable to jerk himself off due to tiny, tiny arms. As society has emerged and progressed, it has also evolved from a common activity during Viking raids to a much more calculating and subtle form of sexual violence. Now, rape is relatively commonplace but not a regularly occurring event. And rapists are no longer wild brutes. Sure, some are, but the vast majority do so in a moment of passion or out of meticulous study and decisionmaking.

Why do rapists rape when prostitutes offer fuck and sucks for a mere $20 to $50 (a day's work equals at least 3 to 4 blowjobs)? A very interesting and thought-provoking question. First off, rape is free, whereas prostitutes cost some money (unless you beat them, then they might suck you off for free to ensure no subsequent beatings happen). Also, according to serial rapists worldwide, they rape because it 'feels good'. Now how can someone condemn an action that 'feels good'? The purpose of life is to do what you feel best fulfills you, as shown in the classic Simpsons episode "Bart's Inner Child". Chart your own destiny, don't become a slave to societal norms and social doctrine! So not only is rape cost efficient insofar as it means no money needs to be spent on a blowjob or a fuck, it feels good. Feeling good is where it's at, man. And if Libertarians can justify fucking a dog, I'm sure they can justify fucking someone in this manner.

A few distinctions between sex and rape sex should be made to better explain why people do it, because the experience created by the latter is very good in some people's opinions. You see it all the time on TV: a married couple's sex becomes repetitive, forcing them to either cheat on each other or try wildly different positions to amp up the excitement factor. Rape is just another addition to the formula. It is exciting chiefly because it is so unpredictable. Going in, the rapist won't know if he has to beat the recipient to death before the rape ends, won't know the level of struggle or resistance that will be employed, won't know how exactly the recipient will scream "No! No! No!" Anyone fearing a humdrum love life would do well to start abducting women off the streets and changing up their usual gameplan, fucking-wise. And, from what I'm told, once you go forced sex, you can't go back to consensual sex.

Obviously, the sex aspect of rape is very desirable if you go about it the right way. Rape is essentially sex without all the downsides of sex. With rape, there's little to no post-coital awkwardness, unless you're stupid and the police catch you in mid-rape. Then you're screwed and a lot of awkward questioning and jailing will ensue. Rape also doesn't force the people involved to forge some kind of relationship. Even when it's guilt-free sex, there's always the chance of you seeing the other person again, which means monotonous and meaningless small talk. For most rape recipients, they don't even want to SEE the rapist ever again, and rapists usually don't want to see their rape partner again, unless the rapist is unidentifiable in a facebook or artist's description of sorts. In addition to being much more exciting, unpredictable and guiltless, rape sex offers the rare opportunity for even poorly endowed men to get in on the action without being judged. A recipient won't say "God, your penis is small" whilst screaming "PLEASE STOP NO NO NO!" Likewise, they won't become annoyed if you pull out too early or take too long to seal the deal. For many men, being judged is a humiliating experience, so rape is a fresh departure.

Rape is also a good way to assert yourself. Woman troubling you, bothering you, asking you to 'do' things? Boss demanding a report by a mandated date and time? Professor's mid-term looking troublesome? The answer is easy. Don a stocking over your head, break into their house, lie in wait and rape them when they come home. It may not specifically assert your control (as you'll be in disguise), but a good old fashioned rape usually stops people from shooting their mouths off or demanding things excessively. In fact, many raped people end up in therapy for days, weeks, months on end. Definitely not going to pressure one joe schmoe over a report or paper if they've got to deal with the aftermath of rape! In the marital setting, rape works the same way. She won't nag on you constantly if she knows you'll force your penis into her at any given moment she becomes too whiny.

Rapists are usually unemployed or low wage earning men with self-esteem issues. Rape provides them a way to feel better about themselves. See, at least these guys are doing something about their feelings of inadequacy by being proactive and not hiding it underneath other emotions. Better to let it all out on some stupid bitch at a strip club restroom than a killing spree at your job, 23 years in. Fuck 'therapists' and 'anti-depression drugs' and 'going on Dr. Phil to solve your problems with Phil's folksy yet no-nonsense style' and 'getting over a vaguely defined it', man. Why not get over your feeling WHILE getting laid at the exact same time? Not only does it save time, it's way more pleasurable. And costs absolutely no money, unlike expensive therapists and drugs and shit.

And rape 'victims'? Victims is such a politically correct loser word. The preferred term amongst raping circles is 'recipient', not 'victim'. You can't tell me every person who's ever had forced sex regrets it, and feels bad about it. Sure, the very definition of the word means the other person doesn't give consent, but still. As Bill O'Reilly says, most of them deserve it anyway because of the way they're dressed. Which is definitely a sound theory on why rape often happens. Women dress too scantily, and the rapists can't help themselves. For an enlightened society, we sure do seem to scapegoat the rapists for everything that happens in the rape. The victims/recipients bear some responsibility in the matter, whether it be their clothing or their inability to fight back (see, should've taken the self defense class!). I suggest we recategorize the crime as not a 'me' crime, but a 'we' crime, meaning everyone has a hand in it.

In conclusion, I'm not extolling the virtues of rape, and I do not explicitly recommend any reader to go out and commit such a thing. I'm just giving a voice to the silent majority viewpoint in this country. As well as laying out some of the usually unheard of pluses to the whole process. It's what a good journalist does. No one's asking you to rape (although, if you do, make sure it's a ethnic prostitute, because then people won't believe her story and the news won't show up anywhere) anyone. I only want you to consider the other point of view, how the other side feels. Hey, maybe YOU're raping them...in a way. But probably not.