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Cho Seung-Hui: The Asian Jackie Robinson
by Doom and Dizz
Breaking down barriers for Asians, one corpse at a time.
I wonder if the quotes denote irony.
If there's one thing the Virginia Tech TRAGEDY has brought America, other than lots of comedy and self-centered 'mourning', it's a positive effect on Asian-Americans everywhere. For the longest time they've been on the sidelines of ethnic minorities, right next to the Native Americans and the Italians. Sure, we interned them during World War II and burned down their shops during Korea and Vietnam, but they've been pretty much marginalized since then except for the occasional Engrish joke or an appearance on Heroes. Cho Seung-Hui not only outshined all American boys Harris and Klebold, he's a Goddamn Jackie Robinson for the Asian-American community. He did for the Far East what Nat Turner did for Africans or Sacco and Vanzetti for the Italians. But what other significance does Cho's actions have for the Asian community? I'm glad you presumably asked the rhetorical question I just posed. He could very well help to make Asians the most hated minority in America outside of blacks, Hispanics and Arabs. Which means move the fuck over, Irish and Italians! There's a new whipping boy for America!
The action undertaken by Cho shatters many unfair stereotypes made by white people about Asians. The main one, as seen in Sixteen Candles and other racist materials from the 80s onwards, is that Asians have poor hand-eye coordination when it comes to non-martial arts activities. Well, Cho had to have some pretty fucking great hand-eye coordination if he killed 30+ people, so that stereotype is out the window. Other stereotypes erased by one single rampage? Asians are geeks. While he certainly didn't fit in the beer guzzling homo hatin' environment of Virginia Tech, geeks don't take action, they just whine about their lives on Livejournal or World of Warcraft. Cho took decisive action with his decision to riddle his compatriots with bullet holes! Thirdly and most hilariously, the speech thing. A lot of Asians are slurred as being able to pronounce simple English letters and words, like the letter 'l'. From what I've listened to of his 'manifesto', Cho seems to be able to use the letter 'l' perfectly and pronounce most English words well. Take THAT, John Hughes!
Other than Cho Seung-Hui, there's not a whole lot of role models for young Asian-Americans to look up to. Let's see who we have. Jackie Chan, star of the Rush Hour movies. William Hung (I suspect his career has been hung out to dry as a result of Virginia Tech - GET IT?!?!!?). George Takei, official gay guy of Star Trek and butt of jokes everywhere. Charlie Chan. The Asian guy from the John Hughes movie. Yeah, there's not a lot there, as you can tell by now. They've gotten the short end of the stick by far. At least the black community has had the pleasure of having its culture stolen by white America and misappropriated in horrible ways. The only people who steal from Japan and China are anime kids. And no one who has any respect for themselves or others would become an anime kid under any normal conditions. So until Cho's massacre, being Asian was uncool in the same way parachute pants or Nazism was uncool.
This paves the way for increased visibility of Asian-Americans in the United States. Come on, now. When was the last time you saw an Asian guy on network TV who wasn't some sort of a martial artist or Jackie Chan stand-in? There's absolutely none. So the Asian community needs to take what it can get, no matter how whiny and bitchy it is. As someone once said, any publicity is good publicity. This means more Asians will show up on television, whether it be in sitcom roles or on the news accompanied by the newsticker headline "12 dead". Not since the days of Pearl Harbor and Vietnam have there been as good an opportunity for Asians from all nations to come to America and try to live out the American Dream. And Asian guys, the time for getting white pussy is now! Even though white male-Asian female relationships happen all the time, the inverse doesn't often happen. The increased media coverage means the Q rating of Asian guys has increased to a level where you might even be able to fuck a blonde. Another reason to thank Christ for Virginia Tech!
Considering the media seems convinced of it, it may soon be assumed that Cho was in fact imitating Oh Dae-Su of Oldboy fame, or perhaps another popular Asian horror movie protagonist. And, thus, Asians everywhere will stop their pussy anime cosplay shit and will soon become Asian Extreme Cinema characters such as Kakihara, Oh Dae-Su, Multiple Personality Detective and Ichi. Sure, most people still think it's stupid, but in this case they can easily go crazy and kill all kinds of "innocent" people in the same manner as the characters. Think about it. We'll have normal white people getting hung up by hooks and having hot oil poured over them. Ugly bitches with flowers growing out of their brains. If that thought doesn't put a smile on your face, you're in the wrong fucking place. There is nothing quite as awesome as copycat killers, and now Asian Americans may finally have the proper drive to copy killers in such a way that the media points out to them as perpetrators of the dreaded "copycat" excuse. Cho set the table, and now it's time for the Asian-American community to have the meal of bloodlust and death.
We all remember the old stereotype of Asian Americans as either ninjas or constant gamers, but now with the new Cho-type they don't have to play World of Warcraft or Final Fantasy games constantly to escape brands of race traitor, and I think it's the improvement most Asian Americans have been waiting for. Why else would they spend so much of their time alone when not playing the aforementioned games? I mean, sure, it could be that no one INVITES them to parties and other social events, but I think the reason they are so antisocial is their disgust at being forced to play video games non-stop. Thankfully, Cho gives them a perfectly healthy (well, as far as your own future is concerned) way to respond to being antisocial.
Engrish jokes, although pretty damn funny in some cases, are absolutely cruel to Asian Americans, which may be another factor in their antisocial tendencies, but in his manifesto and his writing, Cho seemed almost proud of his spelling and grammatical errors. This is something entirely new to the Asian American community and now they can all gather in pride and say loudly "We not taking it anymole White Amelica! ASO! ASO! We rike oul accents and you can't stop us!" Some people may see that as a step backward insofar as it makes them seem more stereotypical, but look at it. They've gained something Ian Brill never has had: a spine. They'll look like morons for a few weeks due to the mix ups of "L"s and "R"s, but at least they will be able to say they took a stand, which is something most people can never say.
But, despite Cho's new status as a role model and a trailblazer for Asian-Americans everywhere...he still fucked up. He's not as good as white murderers Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, who offed an impressive 12 people as well as being completely justified and awesome in their various diaries and videos they made before their deaths, unlike Cho's geeky bullshit. Whereas Reb and VoDkA were funny and caustic, Cho appeared to be about as threatening as Sorayama from the college flashback episode of The Venture Brothers. I think it proves one final point: in America, Asians will always be shafted, whether it be affirmative action, demeaning stereotypes, visibility on sitcoms, or quality of school shooters. As an American citizen, let me be the first to say: Me so solly!