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The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.
by Todd Howard
Guys. Seriously. I don't think it's very fair, guys, to just out and out say the Nazis and thus the new Nazi ownership of the site is inherently a bad thing. I mean, come on, guys. Seriously. Let's be a bit more mature and serious than that, okay? Let's assess the Nazis and Nazism seriously, seriously. Come on. We have to be mature about this. I for one think it's a great idea for the website to be under a new Nazi regime. Now, I'm not really a hardcore follower of Nazism, which I think is better because, guys, it gives me objectivity and you know how seriously important objectivity is. I'm therefore unbiased in my assessment of how the new administration of the Daily Raider is going. My unbiased opinion? Pretty good so far, Nazis, keep it up.
Let me explain. First, guys, we should admit the Japanese/Asian administration was just not working. Too much liberal reform and they did nothing to alleviate the economic pressures put on ordinary citizens by the worldwide depression. It's partly their fault the Raiderdollar experienced rapid inflation and is now worth less than the paper it's printed on, guys. Seriously. Come on, we need to lay the blame at their feet on this one. Also, the Japanese did not build up the Daily Raider empire nor did they give us more living space. Come on. Guys. Guys. We need more living space; that much is obvious, seriously. The Asian regime has failed to give it to us so obviously a grouping of citizens, the "Nazis", had to take matters into their own hands. The Raider army has been in shambles ever since Doom was forced to abdicate and the Treaty of Versailles put strict regulations on Raider's website conduct, seriously. The Daily Raider needed a means with which to assert its sovereignty as a comedy website and the "Nazis" as you call them were that means. Don't begrudge for that, seriously, guys.
The Nazis have a lot to offer the Daily Raider. Guys. Come on. Seriously. Guys. Come on. Come on. Seriously. The Nazis prefer a strong national defense and champion a nationalized economy in which the government works in tandem with corporations to make sure the economy works correctly again. Come on, that's sound economic policy and it's what we should be doing instead of sitting on our thumbs and printing lots of money. Guys. Seriously, guy, I bet even Paul Krugman would agree with the new Daily Raider administration. The new economic plan will probably work, especially given that Doom's liquor fund will no longer be a part of the yearly national budget. That was a drain and that the Asians still paid it shows weakness on their part. I don't think it's likely the new Nazi Daily Raider will suffer from those problems. And if they do, we can certainly voice our concerns to them, right?
Much has been made about how National Socialism conflicts with the original intentions of the Daily Raider founders, but I don't see it, guys. I don't. Seriously. Come on. I don't. Where is it in the original charter or the Raider Bill of Lack of Rights which says that Nazism is especially a bad thing? The Nazi Angst articles don't mean anything. Guys. The Raider makes fun of everything, even Nazis. I'm sure Hitler allowed some self-parody during his regime. Seriously, if he didn't, I'd be seriously surprised by it. Seriously. Think of how many articles on the Daily Raider already lambaste the Jews seriously and think of how little things would change if National Socialists were writing the site full-time. Little would change, guys. Come on. Seriously think about it. They certainly don't like Tyler Perry or Judd Apatow. So what would change? Exactly, guys. The spirit of the Raider stays the same.
I don't see any real problem with White Nationalism because I myself realize that Fallout 3 would not be the game it is today without the efforts and contributions of White Americans. It's not like Will Smith or Denzel helped us at Bethesda, guys. It was the seriously important work of white people who made Fallout 3 what it is and I cannot minimize that despite what Affirmative Blacktion proponents would want to say. Seriously, guys. I'm not a White Nationalist myself but I appreciate their work. It's a disservice to shut them out of the discourse, guys, and I think this is why they became the Daily Raider. They needed to because of all the so called "Zionist" comedy sources like Maddox and SomethingAwful. You guys are seriously all for the Fairness Doctrine I think so you really shouldn't seriously complain about a new Nazi source of comedy journalism.
Coup is such a dirty word. You know, I like to believe they had the implied consent of the people, guys. I know I wanted a remilitarization of the Daily Raider instead of the pro-peace, pro-Britain and France Daily Raider which occurred under the ownership of Shigeru Miyamoto and Ho Chi Gookerson. It was a pretty decent republic, I'll give you that, but it wasn't what the Daily Raider needed. It was, guys, too weak to stand on its own two feet and be a credible website about marketing cola and informing readers of bad movies and bad television. The Asians were too wishy washy, almost as much as I'm wishy washy when being interviewed about the new game we are making, Fallout 3. That's why they had to be taken care of. I mean, come on, guys, seriously. Do you really think the Asians would be able to take us out of this depression while rearming the Daily Raider Nation in a significant fashion?
I know you guys are a little pissed off that Doom and the gang are nowhere to be found, but that's not really a problem, guys. Seriously. Doom was a drunken malcontent and the writers were lazy and inattentive and irregular in all senses of the word. The Nazis, for better or for worse, promise there to be lightning fast updates. I think the site deserves that after the update irregularities of the last several months. And I seriously think the site's audience prefers the idea of updates at all over the social rejects who made this site an incredibly minor success. The Nazis know the score and I am happy to collaborate them as long as Bethesda gets control over our homeland, France. Bethesda France is preferable to the liberal democratic haven it's become recently.
So in conclusion, guys, I want to say you shouldn't judge the Nazi Daily Raider so hard. I mean, they've come out with some good articles, come on. Charlie Sykes did make a good solution to the Middle East troubles and you also cannot begrudge the criticism of Kanye West's blog (he didn't agree to allowing songs for Fallout 3 so I am not a fan of him seriously guys). There's a lot of great content and I don't think it's fair to write off the entire site just based on the declaration saying all Jews must be exterminated and the American race war must result in the white race triumphant. Who hasn't said that at one point in their lives?