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We Do Things Differently in Nevada
By Nevada Brown
Hey, bro. I'm not sure if you're new in town or something, but put down that faggot juice you're buying. Organic food is hella for fags and liberals. Here we drink energy drinks and Budweiser. So if you don't want us to hella beat your ass (and we hella will, or at least we will threaten to), come drink some beers with us. We got a hella pong table and two fridges of Bud', man. Chicks'll do you for your cheap aftershave, booze, and overpriced sweatsuit, you know. Ain't no prob, bro, unless you're broke ass.
Yeah, I'm parking in the handicapped spot. No gross old bastard in a Hoveround is gonna fuck with me. I got Calvin pissing on a Ford sticker, dig? I don't fuck around! Anyways, only a liberal activist judge would give a shit, and we don't vote for fags in Nevada, and especially not welfare babies - I don't care how yellow he is! Speaking of yellow, I can't understand the Chink at this corner store, he keeps on yelling shit at his midget wife. She's kinda hot. I'd fuck her so hard that she'd bleed sake - laugh, faggot! Where's your sense of humor? I'ma take this bitch home and show him hella Carlos Mencia - finally, a Mexican I like! What, faggot? And are you going to tell me that Dane Cook isn't funny? Man, you probably caught too much nigger in Milwaukee. Oh shut up, it's a joke, and it's funny, fag.
Yeah, I jack up my truck, why the fuck you ask? There's a good Foxworthy bit on people like you, probably you don't like his shit too. Just that nigger shit like Dave Chappelle and George Carlin, and anyone else who hates their country that much to talk about it on TV. God, we don't wanna hear that shit. I hella like owning my own truck and coming home to watch wrestling and drink beers with my bros. I don't want to live with the government sticking its liberal nose in my business. And that Reno 911! show always has fags in it, and it's wrong. Kids might watch that show, bro. I think the show is made by queers; I already know it's made in California.
And your hair is queer. If it's longer than two inches than your dick ain't even, bro. We should take you to get your Fabio fag hair cut. What, queer? Don't have eight dollars to spare to make you less of a blue-state homo? No wonder you can't get a job, no one wants to work with some queer who won't look like a dude should. Don't even look at me, fag. I'm not gonna let you get a hard on from me! Hella queer. Just kidding, small stuff. It ain't your fault you ain't got a footlong like me. Maybe you should watch more sports with us and get to be a man, bro. We'll supply the brews if you cut that fag hair. Your pussy ass can even donate it to cancer kids or something Iraq Osama might approve of.
You play guitar? Can you play the new Metallica? Can you play old Metallica, like "Enter Sandman"? No, bro? Not even Saint Anger? Shit, bro, you hella suck. What about Iron Maiden? You say you listen to metal, bro, but you don't even know the good shit? Naw, I don't even want to hear your shit bro, whatever fag shit it is. Where's your cds? You ain't got Metallica, you ain't even got Fall Out Boy? I'll put something good, dude, trust me.
[!!!]
You can't kick me out, bro... we're buds. Hey, hey! Hold on bro... we drank half our Buds with you, and you were supposed to find us weed, hippie... hold on, we were gonna take you to our party - we have beer pong!!!