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YouTube Fuckhead of the Week
by Doom and Lemansky
Week 24: Why would anybody watch a scum video like Linkin Park's "What I've Done"?
Seriously, why would they? Unless you're a comedy assassin who needs to view it for "business reasons", the rest of the people who let it invade their line of sight are untouchables who ought to be regarded as, well, untouchables or at least lepers. Linkin Park is a terrible band which marries the worst of rock with threadbare hip hop influences and wastes everyone's time by existing. They're far too popular for their own good and wield enough influence to compel shitty bands to follow their lead. I'm not saying killing them would literally end nu-metal/rap rock, but it wouldn't hurt, certainly. Someone tell Hinckley Jodie Foster has a new assignment for him and someone tell Son of Sam the dog is barking "KILL LINKIN PARK, DAVEY" and get shit started. But I suppose it's a pernicious position to hold that Linkin Park must die so society can live; apparently calling for death is an unwelcome stance in public discourse. So we're going to dispense with the violent desires and just show you why we might believe such poisonous rhetoric. This can be accomplished through watching Linkin Park's "What I've Done" video and reading our resulting commentary. Get ready for two minutes hate, folks.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMePM9Q-bYk (Warner Bros bitches don't allow embedding, apparently)
The essential idea of the video is to show how good things were, and then how bad they are now. Along with the lyric of "WHAT IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'VE DDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!" it's supposed to be a song of regret. The thing is, it's done by Linkin Park, and thus it's complete crap. I actually tried to get more complete lyrics, and was first reminded of why I hate looking for fucking lyrics online, but regardless. The whole song is about forgiveness. Yes, it's like they took the lyrics to a FUCKING CHRISTIAN BAND AND COPY AND PASTED THEM WHILE REMOVING ANY REFERENCE TO GOD!!!! This thing is such a horrific combination of things I fucking abhor that I literally can not talk about the lyrics anymore without risking an aneurysm, and regaining my rightful place as Mac to DOOM's Frank is not worth that.
The most fucked up part of the video is the idiotic imagery. I guess it's supposed to be juxtaposing the way things were to the way they are now, but it's just fucking stupid. They juxtapose Mother Theresa, JFK, Abraham Lincoln and Buddha to Joseph Stalin and Fidel Castro. Bwuh? How does this make sense? I mean, I can kind of understand why they think Stalin is bad since he was a little bit heavy on the labor camps working people to death, but Castro? What the fuck did Castro do besides get rid of an evil dictator that was Pro-America and essentially turned Cuba into a Mobster's Paradise because of the wonders of America-supported capitalism. Sure, he installed himself as a dictator, but is the whole conflict REALLY just because we're mad that they took down their crony and aren't exactly too happy with us because we kept him in power? Apparently yes. Also, they use a lot of footage from 9/11, which is played over the words, "WHAT IIIIIIIIIIIII'VE DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!" which actually makes me wish sedition acts were still routinely enforced, since this is definitely enough evidence to get Linkin Park thrown in Gitmo. Not only that, they decided to put an image of gas prices rising as one of the horrible things. This is in between images of people starving to death, bombs going off, and riots being stopped. YOU REALLY FUCKING THINK A FUCKING INCREASE IN FUCKING GAS PRICES IS EQUAL TO THOSE THINGS?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, AMERICA?!!??!!?
It goes without saying the music is terrible; wouldn't be Linkin Park were it not. I don't know where to place this on the pantheon of shitty Linkin Park songs, in part because it'd require me to remember more than two or three of their musical atrocities. It also happens to sound like everything else ever produced by Linkin Park: douchebaggy rock music with spare electronic elements, pretentious piano and occasional reminders a DJ is a member of the band. Annoying vocals reliant on whiny screaming. I should mention in the video the lead singer/lead idiot Chester Bennington (adding credence to my theory the name Chester never leads to anything good) bears a disturbing resemblance to KMFDM frontman and overall genius Sascha Konietzko. Take a look below if you don't take my word for it or strenuously refuse to watch the video. When the video doesn't show clips from events of historical merit, the band performs in the desert on a stage. Frequently "What I've Done" intercuts clips with these idiots playing their instruments, sometimes in slow motion. If you needed more proof Linkin Park = fucking idiotic, well, there you go.
Thematically the imagery is all over the place. Quite emotionally manipulative too in a way which establishes how intellectually shallow Linkin Park and whoever directed this mess is. Everyone will react to Hitler, or the explosion of the atomic bomb, or race riots/police brutality. Creating a greatest hits package of humanity's inhumanity is a perfect way to provoke a viewer into paying attention and considering something or other. Yet it's not earned. Things exploding! Violence! No more artistic than the videos shown to Alex in A Clockwork Orange. Then about halfway or two thirds through the video doesn't even remember what it's going for, as the images fly towards us. Babies! Heroin! Cell division! Penguins! Penguins covered in oil! Atomic bomb test! What does it all mean? Does any of it mean anything? No. Great music often provokes you to have an emotional response, to feel something, but it means nothing if artifice massages you into it. "What I've Done" is pure artifice. They might as well have shown photos of dead puppies, a slightly more naked plea for moving. Fuckers.
No full mohawk, but those fucking glasses seal the deal.
Of course, the best part of the video was not the video itself, but the hilarity that ensued after I posted a comment.
I think it was a fairly respectable approach to such shit, but unfortunately, as you can see, some jackass decided to try and comment. Then to compound it he decided to delete the thing before I could read it. It made me sad, but at the same time filled me with rage, so I posted my even better reply. I was convinced that my first reply would be off within an hour at the rate I was getting thumbs down, but surprisingly it didn't happen. However, some dickbag decided to comment on my post and leave it up.
Because I recognize that America is not in fact great, I'm apparently a "13ich ass terrorist". Fucking hilarious. Also, I think my response put him in his cupboard where he belongs, so his parents can once again pretend that their lives have not become an empty hole revolving around keeping some small human happy, despite the fact that he appreciates nothing and constantly fucks stuff up.
Then some guy had to post some unrelated comment while I was paying attention, and I couldn't let it go. Also, kudos to anyone that can spot who I referenced with my final sentence.
This may seem a bit of a helter skelter article lacking substantive points about the technical merits or lack thereof of "What I've Done". But the thing is, it's fucking Linkin fucking Park. It's unbelievably shitty, and it's almost completely indescribable. Fuck you for springing this shit on me, DOOM. It's like listening to something with My Chemical Romance's whiny vocals, with Christian music's lyrics, and a middle school rock band's talent. It's something so unbelievably shitty that it should create a black hole and suck itself into non-existence. But it doesn't. Not only do they continue to exist despite their complete lack of redeeming characteristics, they're still considered a big band and somehow make tons of money, while talented individuals and bands languish in obscurity. It's a perfect example of how America is completely worthless and backwards. Christ, I need a drink.