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YouTube Fuckhead of the Week
Week 267: The Best Stupid Fucking Videos Related To The Recall
It's recall time in Wisconsin and everyone's waiting with bated breath for the result of activists trying to oust mentally incompetent Tea Party puppet Scott Walker. I myself have been preparing my liver over the last several days for either the jubilant victory of Tom Barrett or the crushing survival of Scott Walker's political career. Either way I'm gonna get pretty fuckin' drunk, which is why I've created a mixed drink I refer to as the Oppenheimer. I won't tell you the ingredients, for if amateurs tried it they would likely not survive the experience. It's drinks from my Oppenheimer Gatorade bottle of classiness that has propelled me through this update writing experience and this article in particular. YouTube Fuckhead's the redheaded stepchild of the Daily Raider and for good reason: YouTube's an annoying timewaster for people with nothing more prominent in their miserable lives than looking at kittens doing things. Thankfully the recall election has resulted in a lot of hilarious, pathetic advertisements for Scott Walker/against Tom Barrett, as well as ridiculously lo fi Tea Party nonsense that it made things pretty damn easy to find shit to write about. Let's take a look at several reasons you can barely call us as a nation with representative democracy anymore.
Jesus Christ, these people. These people, man! I've never seen such concentrated human ugliness in my life. I wouldn't fuck anyone in this advertisement, not even if I was given money, a blindfold and some primo cocaine. Outside of a few Young Republicans kept around for their wonderful donor organs, the median age of each crowd of 20 or so deadenders has a median age of 300, the same median age of their shitty cameras. For those of you who don't know much about Wisconsin's political geography, all of the locations listed are Republican strongholds full of bitter septuagenarians who have no need for things like public services and a good education system. Appleton, Green Bay, Fond Du Lac, these are all places no one would want to go to if they had a choice. (I remember going to Appleton last year with my roommate and being saddened by the cute bartender whose doe eyes were filled with disappointment and desperation. I didn't want to commit a mercy killing, so I left her with a huge fuckin' tip.) I consider this as much a reason to vote against Walker as anything else; I mean, these are the people who think he's doing a good job. They're a bunch of walking corpses and creeps, man; clearly something must be wrong with Scotty if these people support him. But I'll admit there's kind of a charming quality to this video, kind of like how a retarded kid does a shitty job with something and you can't help but lie and said they did a good job. Awesome video, great job!
This, however, is perhaps the greatest political ad ever made by anyone for any election. That's not hyperbole, that's fact. For one thing, it looks like a parody of an actual ad, what with its reference to an anti-drug commercial from like a decade ago and all. It also doesn't really say anything; it starts out with the complaint that Democratic politicians have been screaming for two years. It suggests to you that the commercial's seeking the angle of "recall elections are unnecessary wastes of money called upon by sore losers". Then it takes a left field turn into wackadoo territory. What the fuck do gun rights have to do with the recall election? Yeah, exactly. The ad touts the fact that the NRA gave him an F on gun rights, because obviously the NRA is an unbiased determiner of politicians' quality. Leaving aside the fact that Walker's the one who wants to privatize deer hunting, of the many issues in this recall election, Barrett "TAKIN ARE GUNS" ranks behind "whose wife is hotter" and "Tom Barrett might be a Rigelian" as relevant issues. Yet I've seen this commercial almost every time I tune into Fox Sports Net for the Brewers telecast; it's uncanny. I always crack up when I see this shit. It's simply too ridiculous to get mad about, and I'll remember it long after the election.
Ah yes, the infamous crime spot that Barrett brought up in the last debate and used as a means to shame Scott Walker about his campaign's poisonous rhetoric. Like Barrett said, this shit is patently untrue and indeed Willie Horton-esque. (Hell, I'm surprised the Walker team didn't put out an ad that consisted of nothing but "ooga booga Tom Barrett is a nigger lover the blacks will invade Appleton". A marked show of restraint worthy of no applause.) I love the fact that the ad quotes the Journal-Sentinel multiple times when most of the Republican Party considers it the Wisconsin equivalent to Pravda. Oh well, I guess that since it endorsed Walker for governor a second time their journalism is beyond reproach. As Barrett explained, the case was the result of a coding error and the perpetrator was arrested and charged without any problems. They fixed the error. Yet the campaign nonetheless paints the Milwaukee Police Department as juking their crime statistics and Tom Barrett being in favor of babies being killed. Well, he's only in favor of killing babies via abortion, duh. These sleazy tactics are nothing new for Walker, who I'm sure would kill his own mother if it increased his poll numbers. I also want to point out another falsity in the advert. At the end it says the advert was paid for by "Friends of Scott Walker". That is a lie; Scott Walker has no friends.
Here's yet another whiny attack ad from the "Friends of Scott Walker" (or Creeps for Scott Walker or whatever) that bitch about how Barrett isn't creating enough jobs when he's campaigning against Walker. Well, it's hard to create jobs when your policies are 180 degrees away from the governor's. It's also difficult to create jobs when said governor keeps on cutting funding to your city and promising $100 million of economic development to the city for the sole purpose of pretending he gives a shit about the Milwaukee County electorate. This "u mad?" contention has been central to Walker's campaign from the jump, also evidenced by the retarded "Walker Forward" nonsense. The election happened, the public workers lost their collective bargaining rights, it's over, get over it, stop complaining you fucking leeches. Of course, Walker can't literally say that, so the solution is to cast Barrett as a Blame Walker Firster. Hence the context-free headlines presented in the ad; the fact that some of them, like the mining bill failure, have nothing to do with Mayor Barrett's purview is irrelevant. I'll say this: Governor Scott Devlin might be an incompetent, corrupt sack of shit, he succeeds at branding and by branding I mean making shit up and saying it so many times people begin to believe it. He better not win or else he might end up as a presidential candidate in 2020. [shudders]
Oy. You gotta love political adverts, because if you don't, you're shit out of luck for most of the year. If Walker succeeds in becoming King Idiot for another two years, surely the disingenuous adverts will have played a significant part. Welcome to the race to the bottom, folks! In a decade we'll be lucky to have political videos that don't consist of "COMMUNIST TRAITOR!" and "HOMOSEXUAL MONSTER!". How fucked are we that I look upon the Lee Atwater days with nostalgia?