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The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.

 

Hillary Clinton: Socialist or Communist?

an investigative report by Doom

I grew up mostly in the glorious years of the Clinton administration. I say 'glory' because those days were so great that the major political debate of the nation was whether or not oral sex was sex. Goddamn, I loved those times when the state of the nation was so good that the entire political discourse could be about a blowjob. But unfortunately that time has passed and now we must deal with issues like "Is Bush dumber than a post?", "Did Rummy and company commit war crimes?", "Why the fuck did we 'free' Iraq when they're going to hate us even more now?", "Can Bush be tried for treason?", and "Is Scott McClennan sucking someone's dick while writing the press briefings, and if so, whose dick is he sucking?" forming the basis of the political discourse. All important issues that will keep our minds off of domestic issues like social security and the economy. So many of us liberal minded people are hoping that for the 2008 elections, the people [or at least the election fixers] elect a better President, and it's speculated that the frontrunner for the Democratic nomination is Bill Clinton's first lady, Hillary, who is now a senator of New York. As First Lady she was certainly one of the most empowered First Ladies in our nation's history, and despite disagreeing with her on subjects such as violence and sex in relation to media, I figure she wouldn't be the worst choice for President. But Mr. Bill O'Reilly says different, saying that she's a communist or a socialist in regards to her policies. I initially laughed at that allegation, thinking O'Reilly a stooge. But after further research, I realized that Hillary's ties to the red spectre were more than meets the eye.

In my investigation, I first dug up this telling quote about tax cuts that shows where Ms. Clinton really stands on issues. "Many of you are well enough off that ... the tax cuts may have helped you," Sen. Clinton said. "We're saying that for America to get back on track, we're probably going to cut that short and not give it to you. We're going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good." The quote shocked me. I don't know what America Ms. Clinton is living in, but in MY America, we don't care about this so-called 'common good'. America is about rewarding the rich for having the can-do attitude that got them rich in the first place, while punishing the poor for their self-inflicted poverty! What next, is Clinton going to try to convince the American people that the poor are just as worthy as you and are indeed also human beings? Sounds pretty socialistic to me.

But the similarities between Clinton's stances and Marxist theory don't stop there. For example, Hillary Clinton is in favor of women's rights, policies including but not limited to: equal pay, equal rights, the right to do what they wish with their bodies and for all intents and purposes be seen as just as good as men. SO WAS MARX. She's also in favor of all children getting a good public education so that they can go on to become enlightened individuals that will lead our country into the future. Guess who else was in favor of that? Mr. Karl Marx. Some of her other 'genius' beliefs, like her support of the obviously socialistic progressive tax system, her love of representational democracy, the idea of a redistribution of wealth, and closing the gap between rich and poor, not hating the Jews...it all points to one person: Marx. Instead of modeling herself after Ronald Reagan like any good American, she's modeling herself after an unemployed German philosophical writer with the beard the size of a compost heap.

For this expose, I tried to gather more first-hand evidence through interviews with people who know her much better than I do. I was able to conduct a brief interview with former friend of the Clintons [he shook her hand in a mall once] Doug Guthrie, who said: "Hillary Clinton is an opportunist who will do nothing but follow the popular fads at the time, all in order to gain political ground. Right now she's spouting Marxism. Thirty years ago she hated the Jews and thought Hitler had a few good ideas. And when she was a teen, Clinton thought that McKinleynomics was a great way to run the economy. She follows fads like her husband follows skirts." David Horowitz, former Marxist and now neoconservative told me, "I used to be a Marxist. I knew it was wrong and against God, but I did it anyway. Until I was sent to a reorientation center and became the conservative man that God wanted me to be. Hillary Clinton will eventually see the light, that Marxism is against God and that blacks are worthless beasts that should be glad we enslaved them. Oh, uh, forget that last part." Independent thinker Michael Savage agreed with Horowitz, saying "Clinton, that bitch loves wetbacks. Wetbacks that are destroying our culture. I hope she dies sucking Stalin's steel dick." Experts across the United States agree: Hillary Clinton is bad news.

Hillary Rodham Clinton, an anagram for Comrad Hillary, was born to a Methodist family in Chicago, Illinois on October 26th, 1947. At first, things were grand. Hillary loved America and by 1965 was President of the local chapter of the College Republicans. She was on the right track to get an important government post - for a woman. But in 1968, everything changed when the highly overrated Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated [crusading for the poor and the needy? Come on! They don't need help!]. Hillary, having once met the late Reverend in person, was traumatized and seriously readjusted her political opinions. Hillary went red. And any chance of her becoming an American-loving success was thrown out the window.

Speaking of her history, she's been known for quite a few strange anti-American activities. In 1969, she was a law student who monitored a Black Panther trial to help the American Civil Liberties Union [The dreaded ACLU] in making sure there were no civil rights violated. She was defending the Black Panthers, the most evil revolutionary group ever, bloodthirsty monsters who wanted things like "equality for blacks" and "no police brutality upon blacks". Those rebels. Hillary Clinton monitoring their case, nay, helping them, says a lot about her personal principles and her desire or lack thereof to keep the white power base in power. We cannot have such a radical in power.

Then of course, there's the most controversial event of all - Whitewater. Basically, Whitewater was a real estate venture that the Clintons entered into, but it failed to make any money. Several years later, the man who also invested in Whitewater, James McDougal tried to buy up land using his own savings and loan for money. However, the law says $600,000 is the maximum that can be taken out and McDougal needed $1.15 million more, so that's where the illegality comes in. How does Hillary Clinton fit into this? She was the lawyer who helped draft the agreement that netted McDougal and co. the extra $1.15 million. Definitely the most memorable part in the scandal was one of Clinton attorneys killing himself. While it's no question that Hillary Clinton had him killed, but the reason why is not what was popularly believed. An unnamed informant sent this to me via e-mail:

"Vince Foster was not murdered because of Whitewater, not at all. Instead he died keeping the secret of a conspiracy that's lasted decades. Foster was milling about in the White House, needing to talk to Bill about something. But before Bill got back from a public appearance, Foster was left relatively alone in the East Wing. While walking around listlessly, he noticed a door ajar and heard people talking - one female, two male. He could hear some English, but the rest was foreign. He sidled up to the door so he could make out who it was and what they were saying. The female was definitely Hillary Clinton, Bill's wife. He also recognized one of the male voices, though he did not expect Hillary to be meeting with Cuban President Fidel Castro. Vince slowly moved towards the opening and was able to get a view of what was going on. It was a meeting, in the Office of the First Lady between the First Lady, Castro, and what appeared to be the ghost of Chairman Mao. Vince couldn't believe it; he had to rub his eyes to make sure he wasn't have a bad trip from the acid he dropped beforehand. He tried to slip away unnoticed, but it was too late. Vince Foster was caught. The three communists knew they couldn't allow anyone to know about their secret meetings especially "that little shit" as Hillary put it. Castro suggested raping him but Mao shot that down. Hillary decided there was only one thing to do: kill him. And that was the end of Vince Foster."

There you have it folks. Vince Foster was killed by Hillary Clinton, Chairman Mao is a ghost, and Castro is a fan of using male rape to punish people. If this doesn't say something about Hillary as both an ideologue and a person, I don't know what does.

Will Hillary Clinton be a good President if she's elected? I really doubt it, because she would enact policies like 'helping the poor' and 'giving rights to people who need rights'. I came in thinking Clinton was a decent politician but came out knowing the horrible truth. If we elect her to the Presidency, we may as well have resurrected Joseph Stalin and sworn him into the Oval Office.