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Zeitgeist Review
by Doom, Rammspieler and Nixon
guest appearances by Pseudo-Intellectual College Douchebag, Doctor Wankenstein, SDS Guy and Steve Forbes
HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
MANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
I couldn't find a poster for this documentary, but this is close enough, right?
Zeitgeist is the perfect title for the pseudo-documentary Zeitgeist because, like the documentary, the word 'zeitgeist' is vaguely defined and often used by all sorts of douchebags who search for a word signifying something important. Example: go to any indie fuck music review. You'll most likely find the word 'zeitgeist' in it, regardless of whether the word's relevant or makes any sense within any context. For Christ's sake, the Smashing Pumpkins' new 'album' is called Zeitgeist. That should tell you something about the douchebag prevalence of the word. And Zeitgeist? Zeitgeist strings together just about every shitty "we're all under control maaaaaaaaaaaan" conspiracy of the last twenty years along with some random 9/11 is lies and Christianity's part of the International Bankers Control Wizard plan into a bag and comes out with a movie that every stoner/Ron Paul voter recommends and everyone else tries to ignore. In fact, I would go so far as to say Zeitgeist is akin to the retarded uncle you have over for Thanksgiving because grandma would be mad if you left him at the home, and how all he does is yell about how cat urine is monitoring his every thought. No wait, that uncle's too sane. Zeitgeist is the other uncle. The one you left at the home. And told grandma to fuck off, cause his ass ain't coming in the house.
Part 1: This Just in: Fake Religion is Fake
So part one of the film, aka the first part, aka the part they want you to see first maaaaaaaaaaaan, centers on how Christianity is just a big ripoff of other previous religions, and presents it all in a very OH MAN THIS WILL OPEN THE GATEWAYS OF YOUR MIND TO THE PLANAR ZONE style...as if no one's ever heard the suggestion that Christianity borrowed a lot of ideas. Surprise...that's a pretty known idea. An idea outlined in many previous, better documentaries. Widely accepted? Well, not by Christians obviously, but most people know that God, while maybe a good editor (barring those boring genealogy books) was not that good of a creative writer. Apparently, the Jews picked that talent up from the Egyptians while they got beaten for not working hard enough. Thus, the first 30 minutes of the film subjects the audience to all these great facts about how such concepts such as "virgin birth of a savior" were in fact featured in other religions. Granted, they cover more "shocking" stuff like how it's all based off of astrological symbols (Ron Paul supporters take note: those are the real deal), but since they offer no sources other than...no sources, it's probably all smoked up. "Like hey man, what if there were 12 apostles like 12 months like 12 hijackers like 12 branches of the Federal Reserve like 12 points on the swastika..." Mind-blowing and also false after the third 'like'. BUT HOW WOULD YOU KNOW MAN, THE ZIONIST EDUCATION SYSTEM TRICKED YOU.
Yes, it's novel for a documentary aimed at Americans to broach the notion of Christ's illegitimacy and nonexistence. But, the thing is. Facts won't win over religious people. They already believe in an insane grouping of barely coherent stories. They go on faith and faith alone. Why bother, then? Any convincing arguments will be dismissed by them as Devil talk or 'tests of [their] faith'. This shit won't convince anyone to abandon their flimsy belief system. It takes a lot more than a free-to-download documentary made on a budget of $20 and a hookah to get people to lapse on their religious superstitions. So why would the people behind Zeitgeist devote a third to disproving religion? Strengthen their lack of faith. Give atheists and agnostics fruitless arguments to use against Christian fucks in college and Facebook debates. Wow...what a total fucking waste of time! One lone atheist telling a Christian about 'this documentary I saw when I was high that said Jesus didn't exist' will not lead to any conversions to atheism. It'll only strengthen their idiocy by making out atheism to be nothing more than a lot of 'heyyyyyyy, man' half-thoughts. Also, citing evidence created BY Christians to cast doubt on the Roman Catholic Church won't do you any favors in proving Jesus didn't really exist.
After seeing how everything you know about fake religion is fake, the segment transitions smoothly (well, not really) to 9/11.
OH MAN, THEY KNOCKED DOWN THE ARCHITECTURAL SPIRIT OF JFK
Part 2: CIA LBJ JFK RIAA FBI 9/11 DO YOU SEE?!
The part of Zeitgeist I hated the most. Like the first part, nothing new is really covered here. In fact, I think Zeitgeist's mysterious director/producer (intentional dubious identity SO THAT IT WILL BE HARDER FOR THE MAN TO FIND ME, MAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!) took most of the "conspiracy" from another famous Internet "documentary" on 9/11. Sadly, the unfunny Maddox already took a shit all over that one. But yeah, it's basically plagiarizing what every other half baked conspiracy theorist out there has said about 9/11 being an inside job, that the government is protecting the Bin Laden family, that the collapse of one of the smaller buildings of the WTO is proof it was all an implosion, the Air Force was put on training exercises that day to prevent them from intercepting the hijacked planes, etc. It all seems pretty convincing...if 9/11 was a season arc of 24.
Look. While it's obvious that the government was up to something involving 9/11, I find it hard to believe that it is capable of pulling something of that scale off. Because despite its massive resources and size, if standing in line at the local DMV teaches us anything, it's that even for its most secret black ops projects the government loves bureaucracy. And if the secret Jew Shadow government is supposed to be the exact mirror image of the federal government, then I'm pretty sure that deep in the underground shadow Pentagon located miles beneath Area 51 there is some pencil pusher in the sub-level 31 budget allocation office whining about how the job could of have been done with a cheaper less-powerful explosive and that now they would have to use up the shadow surplus from last year's illegal federal income tax on paying for a massive mind block to help hide the evidence. But there will be no attempt to shut the Internet up on the matter because trying to censor the Internet would just mean going overbudget.
As with all 9/11 documentaries, Zeitgeist employs a lot of circumstantial evidence based on regular people observations and a lot of physics from people who didn't go to college for long enough. Two things. One, observations and anecdotes from regular joes aren't all that useful because memories fade after a while and people are fucking unreliable idiots. People who claim to have seen flying saucers prove that time and time again. Two, these people suck at physics. I can't take anyone who asks questions like the ones posed regarding physics in Zeitgeist. Any retelling of them would melt my brain, and other people have already refuted them far better than I have.
The reasoning given for why White World Order would orchestrate 9/11 makes little sense if taken out of the 'think about it, mannnnn' context. Why would this secret cabal want the amount of scrutiny a terrorist attack on US soil would bring with it? Why would they need to net cash from that when surely there are better ways to obtain green (drug trade, privatization, raping the economies of other countries, etc.)? The false flag explanation sounds nice...key word being 'sounds'. Occam's razor, folks. Give Al Qaeda the credit they deserve! Also, American politicians don't really need a false flag attack to get Americans to sign away their Constitutional rights. Americans are fucking stupid enough to do that regardless of impetus, thanks to the conservatism and Puritanism which pervades our country's fucked up system of values. All 9/11 did was speed up the passage of the PATRIOT Act a bit. The rationale given for Iraq alone shows we didn't need 9/11 to find a bullshit way to justify invasion.
All in all, segment 2 suffers from segment 1's problems - no new insights, rehashed information, and a total lack of academic research or information from actual experts. You know the bar for expert testimony is low when the film sought the aid of 9/11 exploiter David Ray Griffin, whose career is based on nothing but writing shitty book after shitty book gobbled up by tinfoil hounds. Of course he vouches for the film's claims! If he didn't, he'd be out of a moneymaker!
Part 3: How the Federal Jew-serve Rules the World
Of course, proving that the American government caused 9/11 means nothing unless you can bring in a conspiracy involving the 5 Jew Bankers, er, uh, International Bankers Conspiracy (remember, International Banking was just a more PC way of referring to the Jewish hegemony over the world's power structure). Almost every conspiracy film ever made involves the Jew Banking Syndicate at some point, and Zeitgeist is no different. Apparently, 9/11 happened not in a vacuum but as another in a long line of operations meant to raise financial and political capital for a few individuals. Again, not really new information. The doc brings up the Lusitania and the Gulf of Tonkin incidents as precedent setters. The thing is, those were proven as lie-filled fabrications at the fucking time of their occurrence. They appeared just as obvious then as they do now. Any fucking history book written in the last 30 years should tell you that. Same for Pearl Harbor, although some variance occurs. At the very least, historical books bring up the possibility that Roosevelt and/or Churchill had prior knowledge. A ha! The target demographic for the film is revealed at last: people too stupid or lazy to take 200 level history courses at any mediocre university! And people too stupid to read books lacking pictures!
The Federal Reserve figures prominently in part 3. Every conspiracy flick must at least mention the Federal Reserve or it's not a proper one. I always glaze over that shit because no one can really say the Federal Reserve controls our lives, unless you subscribe to the "WE'RE GETTIN' JEWED OUTTA ARE MONEY" line of thought. What seems more likely: the economic woes of this country are due to the inherent nature of capitalism and the government's shitty economic plans and unsuccessful wars...or a central banking system forcing us to one day give up all our money so the five Jews behind the Federal Reserve can build a time machine to conquer the planet? Me, I gotta go with the former rather than the latter, since it has a basis in REALITY and not survivalist propaganda.
Zeitgeist also caps it off with a brief discussion on the Amero and how it will promote hegemonic control over the world. Obviously it takes things from the US perspective and not the Canadian or Mexican perspective. In the NAFTA extension deal, clearly it's the US that gets screwed! Our sovereignty's often been constrained by the unilateral, accountability-less dark designs of Mexico, Canada and the United Nations (United Nations...OR UNITED ABOMINATIONS?!?!). The United Nations alone should disprove most theories regarding world government; that crackerjack organization's shown a OWG Earth would...get nothing fucking done ever. It says something when the people worried about the Amero consist of: these idiots, Ron Paul idiots (often 'these idiots' and 'Ron Paul idiots' are in fact the same group of idiots) and noted racist Lou "Let Me Murder Those Mexis" Dobbs, namely that the concept of the Amero wreaking havoc on the world or the Amero having the chance to wreak havoc on the world is a null one. Once you get to the ID chip shit and the obligatory 'we still have hope' uplifting ending, no one fucking cares. These idiots just took a lot of discussed to death theories and wrapped them up in some cheesy visuals and bad editing skills.
I admit the article has been quite negative so far, and it's only going to become more negative as the word count spirals out of control. Thus, we feel some alternative viewpoints are in order. The Raider dragged 3 potheads, and Steve Forbes, off the streets and forced them to watch this garbage. Here's what they had to say:
Hey, man, this is, like, the best documentary on making a pizza I've ever seen, man. Wait, it's not about makin' pizza? Whoa, oh man, I shouldn't have put miniature airplane into my microwave then, man. Oh man, now my house is slowly burning down. Anyway, Zeitgeist is, like, one of those big words smart people use, so now I sound smart if I use it around people and stuff. That way people think I'm smart and, man. Like, you know, the government is really concerned with controlling me and using their influence over me for something, bad, man. I mean, like, they could do anything to negatively affect my life, like, I dunno. But something, man. They could legalize weed and then criminalize it again or something! Zeitgeist lays it all out, man. We gotta, like, do something. But first, lemme roll a sandwich joint and smoke it. Then I'll totally start changing the world.
Hey, man, I don't think it's acceptable to bash this documentary, man. What, do you think you have all the facts, man? Zeitgeist is just trying to educate, man, and you're all BLAME GAME on it and stuff. We already showed it at the latest SDS coalition meeting sit-down/hookah soiree and it went over really well. Like, when the intro started, we got all educated and stuff, man. And Bill Hicks and George Carlin taught us a lot of things, and I love that movie Network too. If people saw this, man, they'd switch to progressive ideals instantaneously AND renounce organized religion. All it takes is one documentary lasting 90 minutes, man, for the world to change. We need to broadcast this on all channels, man. That's easier than doing something, so I like that.
Hey, man. Whoa, looks like somebody's being closed minded and arrogant. Sure, you 'knew' of some of these 'facts' before. So what? What makes you think you're so big, going to school and learning things? I for one didn't know of these 'facts' before I saw Zeitgeist. Really, is any of it not plausible beyond the non-plausible things? Didn't think so! You're just some Nazi who thinks facts have to be 'verified' and 'truthful' to be facts. Wrong, man! This is the Internet! The new Millennium! We don't need your constraining ideas keeping us down anymore! We've got unlimited potential even though Zeitgeist posits we're unwilling slaves incapable of improvement because of the International Hasidic Bankers controlling the world! You're just a cynical...nogoodnik, man. Stop bringing down the mood!
Marty! Marty! I had a genius idea, Marty! Even more genius than my attempt to secure the 1996 Presidential election or my book Flat Tax Revolution, Marty! This movie Zeitgeist shows the Federal Reserve as controlling the world! All we gotta do is tell them we need to use the flat tax and unintentionally they'll save the world by doing so, Marty! Marty! Marty! It's a genius plan, Marty, and it's not bound to fail like my myriad other attempts at implementing the flat tax! As Zeitgeist showed, the United States government of today illegally refuses to enact the flat tax due to their central banking and income taxing! The IRS runs the show! That's why I can't run for President, even though I'd easily win this time! I need to change history so I can grow up in a situation where I can bring the flat tax to the United States! Oh shit, black helicopters!
Enlightening, enlightening stuff. Broad caricatures of those who enjoyed Zeitgeist? Yes. Inaccurate caricatures? No. In fact, the documentary requires a big audience of idiots who don't care enough to research themselves to lap the shit up and tell their friends, who will in turn tell their friends and so on and so forth. Academic inquiry? Fuck it. Zeitgeist flew off the rails after about five minutes of the same pseudo-philosophical/spiritual mindfuck visual pretentious bullshit all other style over substance documentaries use. Its purpose is not to enlighten or educate; it simply compels the viewer to affix to themselves a certain feeling, like dread or paranoia, to the events and documentation they see before them. Emotionally manipulative to the hilt, as shown by its employment of 'evil' sounding music and visuals. So what does the film tell you to do with these feelings of dread? Of course! The vaguely or never defined 'do something' inspirational claptrap which always occurs at the ends of these types of docs. How could I miss that? In this case, the do something refers to, apparently, voting for Ron Paul. A HA! A Ron Paulite propaganda flick! Makes sense; the survivalist NWO shitheads who love this shit would also love the 'politics' of Ron Paul.
So yes, it appears then that opinion on Zeitgeist oscillates based on your personality and susceptibility to dazzlin' rubbish. If you're what would be defined as a 'normal, thinking person', you won't care for it, as for you it will contain already known information and a lot of circumstantial bullshit. If you're someone who takes all of Paranoia's articles seriously and checks Alex Jones' 27 websites every day, Zeitgeist will not so much be up your alley as much as it'll be a great tool for you to use to convert your non-idiot friends into loyal members of the Ron Paul conspiracy brigade. If you're an impressionable idiot, expect to love Zeitgeist for months until you see a documentary which utterly disproves most of it. Since the site falls into the first category (normal, thinking people), our enmity becomes understandable, just as the love the Internet has (the Internet being stupid and fad-driven) becomes understandable.
But we don't have to like that fact. My biggest bone to pick with Zeitgeist is its total unoriginality. Ironically, the filmmaker seems to have tapped the zeitgeist of American culture's love of conspiracy, which stems from the 90s' questionable incidents (Oklahoma City, the 'Clinton bodycount', all the cults) and media such as The X-Files and JFK and has only grown in the last decade, for the exploitative purposes of fame and notoriety, if not a future financial nest egg. Since the film tells us to question what we're being told, why not question this as well and speculate on its agenda? My theory is this anonymous director fuck saw the money to be made in conspiracy flicks and cut together a lot of rehashed material conducive to converting idiots into the Alex Jones club. Frankly, even if this shit was all true, the editing and the lack of sourcing and the dodgy attribution make it a bad documentary from a production point of view. Sources are listed during the credits and on a website, yet these do not go into specifics of what occurred when (page numbers, timeframe for facts taken from another documentary) or what voiceover went with which onscreen event. By composing it that way, it makes effects to factcheck more difficult and thus encourages people to give up and take the facts as actual fact. Plus, Zeitgeist couches its conclusion in code words. International Banking? 'Elites'? 'Rockefeller Family'? Come on, be more specific. The lack of specificity further invalidates the content and makes it appear as another one of those right-wing weirdo documentaries, which of course this does resemble to a great extent.
The conclusion barely ties in all three parts together; it seems Zeitgeist was originally three separate pieces and then got compiled into one 2 hour monstrosity. The links ultimately confuse rather than illuminate; for example: what the fuck does Jesus Christ have to do with the income tax? Nothing. Why bother to watch this clipshow when ones on each individual subject present information and discuss it and put it into a context far better? The douchebag behind this might as well have called it Conspiracy For Dummies. Which is, again, perfect for Americans, but not tolerable for non-ninnies. Beh. I'm reminded of why I don't like weed: too much bullshit speculation masquerading as 'deep thoughts'.
How many drinks do I need for this to be good?: A lot of
weed, actually
Mastur-factor: N/A
The Stinger: Zeitgeist cites stand-up routines as evidence. Yeah.
Lesson Learned: The Internet sucks.