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Affirmative Blacktion
by the Libertarian
All this talk about poor people is making it hard for me to masturbate to Ayn Rynd!
I've hated Affirmative Action since day one of its inception for its interference with the free-market. Affirmative Action is a multi-headed demon of market inhibiting power, one that obscures the true comparative advantages of the black race while openly inhibiting other races from freely excelling in their chosen fields. Not only that, but Affirmative Action, or as it clearly works, Affirmative Blacktion, provides yet another burden on the government that should not be, preventing use from the ideal 18 million dollar a year federal budget. Instead, to support Affirmative Blacktion's market crushing initiatives like "student loans for minority students" our nation is forced to maintain taxes on the richest 5%, a travesty that has Ayn Rynd's hot body spinning in her sexy, sexy, grave. So to detail Affirmative Blacktion's open destruction of the free market, I have analyzed many of its evils in just the college field alone and explained how they prevent society from ever achieving the freedom of markets this nation needs.
Leveling College Playing Field = Squashing Whites
Now I've had a long discussion on Slashdot about all the ways letting blacks from inner city schools with poorer primary educations into college on basis of "merit" or "improving society" destroys the capitalist market and puts us into a tail spin to communism, but let me lay it out again. First off, the white students who would have gotten in instead of these black students are having their fiscal opportunities destroyed. If we think about what kind of borderline low high school grade students are getting bumped, we are looking at America's future managers and CEOs. We are literally destroying the future upper-class as we speak. I don't know what stinks of communism more than making would be managers and CEO's go work at menial gas station attendee positions just because "their grades were low" or "they ran out of slots for past alumni's children". Besides greatly damaging the CEO market by blocking these "lazy" and "over-privileged" white students for "motivated blacks", we are also killing the market for frats. Now I personally never got into a frat because of what 10 years of eating nothing but Pop-tarts has done to my physique, but nonetheless they are a needed industry to maintain the quality of our capitalist society. Without former frat members forming a critical aspect of the indignant upper-middle class that hates taxes, how we ever free ourselves of the evil that is the welfare state? We aren't, and that is why blacks can not be allowed to displace them.
Trying to Push Integration = Crushing Black's Comparative Advantage
I regard Affirmative Blacktion's biggest offense to the free market to be its attack on black's true comparative advantage. See, by letting blacks get into college on such reasons as grades and work ethic, we kill the only real market based reasons blacks even need to be in college: to start their professional sports careers. Athletic scholarships are the only true market friendly way to get blacks into college, as they encourage those blacks with better physical strength and high twitch muscle fiber to attend. Plus, the degrees they get don't actually affect the market, since they immediately go off to start careers in professional sports, where blacks do what they do best (look mean and sell products). Speaking of selling products, if blacks are allowed to attend college, they won't be able to perform in the one fiscal market they do excel in the most: the drug trade. And without blacks in the drug trade, how will I get my hands on high grade cocaine that I can smoke with my rich friends when we complain about how hard society is for a white male who earns more than 100k a year? The Mexicans, that's who. And don't even get me started on them for trying to leave their poor country for America just to get "paid more"!
Student Loans = Communism
Another one of the key tenets of "Affirmative Blacktion" happens to be giving students of race money to attend college. GIVING AWAY MONEY?! WHAT NEXT, WE JUST SHOOT THE CAPITALISTS AND LET THE FACTORY WORKERS RULE THE WORLD?! I mean seriously, next thing you know, they're going to put a special tax on million dollar yachts. The problem with letting students in college for free or on loan ever is that it lets the non-hardworkers (I call them "poor") into college, when only those with wealthy parents have truly worked hard enough to earn a college education. It means I can't go to college without seeing students driving cars worth less than 20k, or see people at 8 am class wearing anything less than designer sweatpants! Giving money away to better society is the first step towards communism, proven fact. Just look at Canada. One more dollar to their secondary education system and they will all be wearing grey smocks and dancing around May Poles. The idea of giving money to a race breeds even worse problems, though. For starters, they will feel empowered by knowing they are worth giving money to. Nothing is worse than empowering people with money if doesn't come from their parents. The only thing you should be proud of till you make tons of money with your parents money is that your parents have money. No one cares about the state's money; it is all ill gotten by taxing the rich, but people going to college on loans seem to think elsewise! Stop taking pride in your education, blacks, you might begin to look like the hard workers I am obligated to worship!
Giving Blacks College Educations Might Un-Balance the Market
My real long term fear with Affirmative Blacktion is that it could successfully remove blacks as the needed permanent underclass and give them as much money as middle class whites, an action that could greatly shift markets. I mean, if I had a ton of stock in say, grape soda and spinners, I might not be complaining. But come on, I only invest in real industry. And just imagine what a shift like rich non-whites entering the market would do to my portfolio of American Eagle cloth retailers and Ikea. Actually, I'm not really sure what it would do to those investments, but I do know that asshole objectivist Brad I fight with on Slashdot would be much richer afterwards, what with his amassed amount of Fubu stock. I keep telling him, he's profiting off negative market trends like short selling! But if he gets more rich than me, he's right by default, and I don't want to have to agree that he was right all along. Therefore, we must block blacks from getting money through a college education. There, defeat that argument, Brad who is still poorer than me. Asshole.
If all my debate forum winning arguments haven't gotten you to understand how dangerous Affirmative Blacktion's mere push into the college environment is to lassie faire capitalism, let me leave you with this, what I personally consider the best point to be made in any argument about politics, economics, or race ever. The poor aren't people.