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How to Make Excuses About the Jena 6
by Jurassic3000
Are you tired of hearing about black people complain about injustice? Do you feel as a white person you are victimized because you know that if you call someone a nigger, a kike, or a chink, an ass whoopin' will be coming right afterwards? Are you a self-righteous member of DailyKos or Free Republic who feels Mychal Bell should serve 22 years in jail because he beat up a white kid? Well, then this guide is definitely for you!
Since this is supposedly a 'black issue', the media has ignored it for several months despite the fact that the Jena 6 story first broke out in June. Of course, if it doesn't involve black males robbing, killing, and raping, you're not going to care. To you, blacks are out of sight and out of mind unless you have one of those unfortunate moments where you have to work with one. So, if you say "Those protesters are trying to justify their bad behavior", it's a-okay even if you ignore the nooses and the threats and the fist fights.
Speaking of nooses, just remember nooses are merely a joke in 'colorblind' America. Since you've never had to deal with any real racism apart from the hypothetical situation of being called a cracker by "Generic Black Teenager 2A03", you can therefore dismiss any concerns about Jena 6 as overreactions by Race Pimps Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. Hey, they're easy scapegoats to blame whenever people mention racism because then you can continue to whine about how your ancestors never owned slaves as if the bloody Emancipation Proclamation eliminated racism and discrimination against blacks in America forever. They have nothing to complain about; it's white males who are discriminated against the most now!
What about black-on-black crime? What about Justin Barker, the innocent white boy who only laughed when he heard that a nigger got beat up? He didn't deserve to be stomped on with sneakers! He's just an innocent victim of those filthy, barbarian blacks! Those thousands of protesters disturbed the peace with their signs and slogans. No wonder Murphy R. McMillin, the Mayor of Jena, Louisiana, decided they would need some help from those selfless public defenders, those knights of White Rights, and the dregs of society, the Nationalist Movement. Why, Ol' Murphy even congratulated them for their moral support in the War Against Colored Folks. Naturally, the town of Jena knows a threat when they see one.
Never be afraid to make bad comparisons to other popular cases involving race and the flawed laws in America. Did you know that Mychal Bell and O.J Simpson's cases are similar? See, it involved black people assuming that both were innocent. Now, whether that addresses the real point at hand, nobody knows. Hey, does anyone know the difference between tampering with evidence and ignoring evidence? Or being rich enough to hire one of the best lawyers in the United States while being unable to get a decent public defender? Well, you can at least get steamed over the fact that a negro got away from the Long Arm of the Law. All of White America knows O.J was guilty! Fuck Mark Fuhrman for messing up his job and ruining the valid case the prosecution had. Damn Orenthal J. Simpson and his new money. Only rich whites are allowed to get away with ridiculous crimes.
In the event that anyone says “What the hell are you talking about?”, use the Token Conservative Minority card. Hit anyone with common sense with the one-two punch of your favorite minorities who think independently by telling you exactly what they want to hear. Quote guys like Larry Elder, who claims that blacks get off easier for crimes than whites, and Thomas Sowell, who states that “No Justice, No Peace!” justifies publishing the personal information of the Jena 6 by Neo-Nazi groups. Just as you criticize Jesse and Al, praise these brave men for standing up to the tyranny of progress and rationality. Well, at least you can claim you aren't racist because hey, there are darkies who support you too. But what if you're a liberal? You can say you are being hurt by being called racist because you think those nasty, ugly thugs should go to jail. Mychal Bell is a career criminal, so why should he get a fair trial and decent defense? Those only matter if the person is a model citizen or if they have the 'right' lifestyle. Play up the Sympathy Card and if it doesn't work, storm off in a huff and say you've given up on civil rights since black people don't want real equality, they want to have control over everyone. Act surprised when people tell you racism doesn't care about whom you vote for or what causes you claim to support. Throw out that you're an anti-racist progressive leftist socialist activist, so you know more then everyone else about what's ignorant and what isn't.
As everyone knows, except for Libruls and Uppity Negroes, Jena is just yet another salt-of-the-earth town in the bestest country in the world, the United States of America. They are unfairly painting Jena as a racist town; they don't lynch and beat niggers, they just make sure they know their place. They make sure coloreds know that they don't deserve any respect and that they'll always be on the bottom, no matter what. Jena still practices what the rest of America has forgotten: the ugly art of segregation. Make sure those blacks know to stay to their side of the town, right Jena?
Of course, those weirdo Marxists from Hollyweird, the epicenter of the Left Coast, will do their usual pandering to race demographics, therefore making them racist, by making songs singing about "injustice" in Jena. Is it injustice if the DA, Reed Walters, says nooses aren't a form of hate speech? Note that this is coming from a black man, so his views must be common among Black America. There's just one gigantic mass after all! Unfortunately, as you might be thinking, John Mellencamp has decided to become a race traitor and speak out against racism with his song "Jena". It's one thing for a professional victim (who can't speak proper English) like Mos Def to sing about The Man and Whitey, but Mellencamp?! When you watch this video, bitch and whine and cry about reverse racism for maximum effect. Make sure you bang your keyboard and insert as many racial slurs and misspelling so everyone sees an example of how backwards the United States is. Hey, if Mayor Murphy can do it, so can you!
Before this guide ends, I must remind you to talk about your own experiences with discrimination. Like the time Alfie gave you a swirlie in fifth grade for being a nerd. Or the time in eleventh grade when Damon told you off in front of the whole class for saying black kids have it easy. Don't forget to say "At least blacks in America are better off than the ones in Africa! They don't have to worry about AIDS or starving or any of the shit I saw on Fox News and CNN." Of course, conveniently forget about racial discrimination and its role in America's history. And if anyone points this out, simply say that everybody suffers from discrimination and that he or she should just 'get over it'.
Remember, you're entitled to ignore any racial problems because hey, they don't affect you. Fighting the war against George Bush or worrying about tax increases is way more important than the fragile relations between the races falling apart anyway. People who aren't white don't count as Americans (unless they throw away their identities), so why should you give a fuck about their problems? You've been victimized by 'reverse racism' and 'political correctness' and now it's time to take a stand before those blacks take even more power!