Rob Liefeld's Captain America #1 Review

by Doom

Captain America. Teeth clenched. Ready for that kidney stone to pass at any moment. Legs disappearing with each second.

A world wherein things make no narrative sense. A world wherein legs or details suddenly disappear moment to moment. A world wherein classic characters are reimagined in strange or confusing ways that prompt one to wonder "why?". You have entered Heroes Reborn. You have entered the house that Rob Liefeld and Jim Lee built. The same pair of artists that left Marvel in the early 90's to form Image along with Erik Larsen, Marc Silvestri, Whilce Portacio (who Marvel apparently had compromising photos of - that's the only explanation for his art on Heroes Reborn Iron Man), Jim Valentino and, Satan himself, Todd McFarlane. It should be mentioned that Liefeld got kicked out of Image and Lee left to sell his imprint to DC. Not entirely class acts, as one could tell. Marvel must've figured that, "Hey, our sales blow now thanks to the market crash, let's get our speculation creating artists back, that'll help us out a lot!" Sadly, it didn't, because the books they were on, Fantastic Four and Captain America were critical and commercial failures. Though there were often scripters, like Jeph Loeb, Lee and Liefeld were able to plot their own stories in the Heroes Reborn universe (evil villain of the week - Onslaught was defeated by the Avengers and the FF killing themselves. Unbeknownst to them, Mr. Fantastic and Invisible Woman's son, Franklin, created a universe using his mutant abilities for the dead heroes to live in. Hence, a rebirth!). This was a very, very, very, very bad idea. When Jim and Rob are allowed to decide for themselves - we get the derivative WILDC.A.T.S. and the much-maligned Teen Titans ripoff, Youngblood. It must be said, though, that, by far, Captain America was the worst thing to ever grace the HR experiment. To call it a comic book is pretentious. Oh, sure, there are pages, and staples, and generally what one would call drawings, but they don't really make sense in and of themselves. Reading it is more like getting hit in the face. It's quick, usually unexpected, and you feel the hurt linger for a long while afterward. I hope to convey the overall badness that permeates from this book; included, of course, will be some of Mr. Liefeld's finest artwork.

Captain America was a sickly boy named Steve Rogers who wanted more than anything to join the army in WW2. So he signed up to test the experimental supersoldier serum and became Captain America. Late in the war, Captain America fell into the water and was frozen in a block of ice. Decades later he was found by Namor, his old ally/enemy and his soon to be teammates, Iron Man, Thor, Giant-Man and Wasp. That's his origin. Pretty simple, huh? Not even an idiot could screw that up, right? Rob gets rid of all that frozen in ice stuff. He gives the explanation that Cap just stayed around all that time, not aging thanks to the serum.

The Pledge of Allegiance begins the comic, a flashback to Cap during the war. It's sorta stupid, because he just stands there instead of helping out the soldiers that are beating up the Nazis. In the present, Steve wakes up, stating that's it's another nightmare. I guess this'll be explained later why it's a nightmare instead of a, you know, war 'memory'. But hey, it's a Liefeld comic; things don't need to be explained, but if they are explained inadvertently between the lack of legs and the out of proportion art, all the better! Steve has a nice breakfast with his family - another change to the conventions. Cap was a steady bachelor in the original series. Making Steve happier isn't a bad thing, I suppose. Sadly, it appears disproportionate legs run in the family:

I find it inspirational. I just think to myself "Man, if the people in the Captain America comic can accomplish so much with one leg.. what can I do with two?"

Steve leaves for work and Rogers Jr. leaves for..um...School for Amputees, or something. Here we're thrown our first slew of exposition. In Philadelphia, where this is set, The World Party is having a rally. Hmm...I WONDER IF THAT WILL POP UP LATER IN THE ISSUE. Steve and his buddy, who might remind him of someone from "The War". Apparently, Steve Rogers doesn't even know that he was/is Captain America. Government conspiracies. Great. Those haven't been in every comic since Asterix! Cap's buddy Nathan phones the government after Steve tells him and other co-workers about his 'wacky' dream. Later that night, Steve has another dream wherein he dreams about being Captain America set to a patriotic song or pledge or other such garbage. Steve again contemplates telling his wife about his supposed fetish is dressing up in a costume and positioning himself in disturbing poses. If that's not a one-way ticket to divorce, I don't know what is.

Next scene! We cut to Rikki Barnes...wait...no...LIEFELD MADE BUCKY A TEENAGE GIRL! GODDAMNIT, LIEFELD! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?! After going into cardiac arrest for a few days, let's pick up where we left off. Bucky with a vagina is a smart girl who got turned down for a scholarship. On the other part of the family tree, her brother, who better not be named 'Barnell', is a Nazi. And he's going to the World Party rally! See, I told you it would pop up later. John Nazi suggests that Bucky didn't get a scholarship cause she's white. That doesn't make sense, but neither does this comic, so it's all good.

Cut to the leader of the World Party, an angry teeth clenched guy by the name of "Alexander the Great", who was, of course, known for his bigotry and his desire to invade Poland. Maybe Liefeld didn't know that Alexander the Great was already taken by someone more famous. In Liefeld world, instead of yelling "White Power" or "Heil" like regular supremacists, Alexander and his neo thugs yell the uber-lame "RIGHT ON!". It would work well if this were, say, "Wayne's World", but a Nazi rally? Sorta stupid. Special Agent Hunt, who looks like Steve with a black wig on, investigates the situation. It turns out that the World Party is in possession of nukes. I don't know. It just seems a bit...extraneous to lug nukes around at every rally there is for the Party. This looks like a job for Captain Am-oh, he's not in this comic. Instead, Special Agent Hunt is killed a mysterious voice of EVIL. I doubt it's Nick Fury or the Falcon so I'm going out on a limb and guessing a real outsider, dark horse candidate for being the bad guy...The Red Skull. Nah, it'll probably turn out to be MODOK.

The guy from "The War" that Steve remembers confronts him, and turns out to be 'Abraham Wilson'. So Liefeld has made Bucky a girl and Falcon an old guy. You're 0-2 in the 'reimagineering' department, Rob! Abe takes him to some abandoned building to show him the shield. Captain America's shield. Eeeeevil SWAT guys blow up the building right after that, leading to a lengthy fight scene that has not much to discuss but plenty of artistic problems. Abe Wilson dies, showing that even in comics the black sidekick can and will die. The issue ends with Cap spewing more jingoistic garbage and Nick Fury acting like a dick. Thankfully, Fury is a man instead of a hermaphrodite cactus like I expected given the questionable revamps found earlier in the issue.

On paper, the story sort of makes sense if you squint hard enough. However, designed to destroy any semblance of 'sense' in the comic is Rob Liefeld's pencil work. Rob gets a bad rap in comic book fan circles...and it's completely deserved. There are many reasons why, and here's a few examples of his so-called 'art':

His body is like the surface of the moon!

I'm impressed. The kid was able to change shirts from one panel to the next. He must be the next Flash!

This is not the face of a human being. This is the face of a hamster.

No offense, Rob, but those crowd members sort of look like one spread eagle guy over and over again...

Showing a character walk is tough, as Rob Liefeld attests with this panel.

Does this issue work well on the writing side of the equation? Not at all. The scripting is bad, with suffocating caption boxes [omniscient narrator caption boxes suck. STOP USING THEM, COMICS INDUSTRY] and clunky, forced dialogue. Jeph Loeb has turned out a few gems like Batman: Long Halloween and Superman For All Seasons, but this is clearly one of his turkeys. Though let's not forget that Rob himself plotted this issue, so Jeph shouldn't get exclusive blame for the crappy writing. The script tries to make the art something more than utterly incomprehensible and fails. None of the changes made to the Captain America canon make any sense; why is Bucky a girl? Why is Red Skull behind a Party that says "RIGHT ON" instead of "HEIL"? Why does Steve have a family that would've easily out-aged himself considering that he's from WW2? I'm sure all of this will be resolved shoddily in future issues. Thankfully the series only lasted 13 issues, and Liefeld got kicked after #6. Where's Rob Liefeld right now? Guest artist on Teen Titans. God hates us all.