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THE ADULT SWIM COMMUNITY: GOODBYE BRAIN
BY DOOM
My relationship with livejournal is tenuous at best. The personal livejournal I use to record my thoughts is not particularly personal; it's usually relating to how much the Simpsons rock, or some variation thereof. But, see, my reasoning for creating a blog in which to write my pedantic whiny rants was to join the Adult Swim Community, a veritable Valhalla of stupidity. Since Adult Swim is a subversive block of high quality comedy, along with anime of varying quality, I figured there would be intelligent postings there, and perhaps even DISCUSSION. Boy, was I wrong! Apparently, the only discussion to be mined from Adult Swim is 'Here's a Family Guy quote' or 'Here's an Aqua Teen Hunger Force quote', or my favorite, 'Here's what an automated survey telling me what Family Guy character I am told me'. In retrospect, this is not really unexpected or out of the blue, as most of the members are either teenage boys [or worse, teenage girls].
So as to show you the true ignorance of this community, I will provide you graphical snippets of various entries and comments, commenting on them as I go along.
But before we begin with the pretty [read: bland] pictures, taking a cue from "Cheap Seats", here's what to look for:
1. The gullible nature of these posters. If you post anything, they will believe you're being serious. Even the time I said that Seth MacFarlane should've been killed in 9/11. Oh, wait, I WAS being serious that time. Heh.
2. People have terrible suggestions. Even worse than mine, which are completely fake to begin with.
3. People agreeing with insane overblown opinions. Like the first image below!
4. Everyone loves "Family Guy" and "Aqua Teen Hunger Force", but they don't discuss anything else. And when they DO discuss "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" and "Family Guy", it's usually such brilliant topic starters as 'I like Family Guy' or 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force rocks'. Though it's perfectly okay to like those shows, postings quickly get boring and monotonous.
Pretty standard stuff, compared to the other stuff I've done previously. But it'll do for the task at hand. The task, of course, is to get reactions. And boy howdy, reactions I got.
Horror upon horrors! Some people actually agreed with me.
Amazingly enough, one cannot actually see "Futurama" [and couldn't see "Family Guy" for a while] on basic cable, other than on, you know, Adult Swim.
ARGH! I HATE THE MAINSTREAM!!! KILLERS FOREVER
One of many who think I'm being serious.
The original Adult Swim lineup [I should know, since I watched it]:
"The Brak Show"
"Sealab 2021"
"Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law"
"Aqua Teen Hunger Force"
"Space Ghost: Coast to Coast"
"Cowboy Bebop"
Hm. I only see one anime, and no "Oblongs", "Mission Hill" OR "Home Movies". GUESS I MUST BE MISREMEMBERING!
You know, automanipulator's right. I'm just wasting space with my petty rants. I wouldn't want to push well reasoned debate pieces such as these off the first page:
Yeah, real conduits for rational discussion, aren't they?! "Futurama" will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be brought back. Ever. And second, if it were to be brought back, it wouldn't be because of a fucking online petition, which has about as much power as the Democratic Party these days.
"Invader Zim" was a children's show on Nickelodeon. It not go working on Adult Swim, cartoon block for late teenagers and adults. Does not compute. Also, copious usage of the word 'monkey' is always great. "Invader Zim"'s not a show anymore; it's a fad by Hot Topic and goths [thanks for ruining THAT, jerks!].
And tattoos...no. I don't want to see them. Even if it is a naked Carl on your ankle. In fact, I want to see that even less.
This is one of many 'idiotic' schedules that people post from time to time. This one in particular is terrible because it gets rid of all semblance of original programming and replaces it with heavily repeated anime and...Family Guy.
But when I suggest something, I only get criticism. Take this, for example:
A perfectly reasonable suggestion. And for it I get torn apart!
This guy's a bit too stupid to be sarcastic, so I'm gonna have to go with 'this guy is mentally deficient', or 'this guy is thinking that Smallville is a series about a Japanese male porn star'.
The realization that "Smallville" MIGHT JUST NOT FIT on Adult Swim finally dawns on these people:
The 'Don't ask me, I'm just a girl! *teehee*" award goes to..zengicrimson, in this post, questioning how "Smallville" would possibly fit. It's like a round block in a square peg!
Best post not by a drunken construction worker goes to pretty_hmachine, with this brilliant analogy. I almost feel bad for my original post being fake, because it'd make this look all that much better:
VOLTRON POWER!!!
Spock! What's happening?
Captain, I'm picking up a highly concentrated amount of pretension coming from this post.
Good Lord! We must stop it before it gets too big and devours us all!
Goddammit Jim, we can't do it! It's too powerful, and I'm a doctor, not a gladiator!
And now I am criticized directly. As words hurt more than dirt, I decide to take Wheelie Cyberman's words to heart, and 'spit back':
I think that "the O.C.", with its annoying hipness, would definitely fit in with my new Drama Swim. A perfect fit!
Oh, you sting me, my Soviet brother. Sting!
My dream Adult Swim schedule comes under criticism, too.
It's an airtight schedule, I thought. But people come in here with their little 'technicalities'.
Bah! Of course I knew it was a finished series! I wanted a second season because I want to see Spike as an undead bounty hunter who has to struggle with his want for profit conflicting with his want for brains! Duh! [OMG SPOILERS FOR SEASON 1]
Gah! More nitpicking! Always poking holes in my bullet tight ideas.
A spirited back and forth ensues:
The kid in the helmet award goes to...wait a minute...it's a tie!
None of these things are remotely adult at all. Teen angst and giant robots and heaven and hell do not an adult show make!
This would be known as Adult Swim: 'Good Ratings Stop At This Point'.
And, here, this one represents the full stupidity that is the community. I don't make much of an appearance, other than to play the role of the peanut gallery. And since I'm too tired to post more pictures from the community, here's a brief sypnopsis:
Someone posts about how it's her first time watching Adult Swim without drugs. Someone goes apeshit, saying that drugs are bad and that drugs will destroy you and a community about talking shakes should stay far far away from drugs. After a debate, it was found that this anti-drug person was a Limp Bizkit enthusiast. The conversation quickly fell off after that.
Oh, what the hell. Here's some pictures!!!!
It's like a meeting of Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin. Except about toking before Adult Swim.
For those wondering who's BEHIND the blade of the pretentious anti-drug preacher:
I've never seen anyone so in love with himself. Oh, and he likes punk music! But not drugs, thereby dramatically decreasing the possible number of punk bands he can enjoy. And God and Harry Potter? Whoa, slow down there! Can't have it both ways, guy. Since he likes Fark, I'm obliged to post the obligatory Admiral Ackbar 'It's a trap!' image, but I'm going to forego that...for now.
In conclusion, we've learned that always, always, the fans of a show or a program are always incredibly stupid, no matter what. A final parting adage, that you should take into consideration should you ever wish to go to this sacred place of stupidity:
Friends don't let friends go to the Adult Swim Community.