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Yellowcard- Lights and Sounds Review
By: Dizz
I'd rather be blinded and deafened than listen to this album another time.
Upon my first listen to this album, I didn't think it was all that bad. However, upon completion of it I realized that I had listened to the entire album on mute. So, steeling myself for the horrors I knew would ensue upon my pressing the play button again I listened to it again. No amount of preparation for this could truly have prepared me for how terrible this album would be. Indeed, after listening to this album I finally solved the mystery of why Emo kids want to die. It's the human body's response to poisons being introduced into it, however they're unaware of this and continue to pollute themselves until they finally listen to their bodies and kill themselves and do the whole world a fucking favour. Even I, a person who loves music and can listen to just about anything, was instantly beset with a headache from this shit. But don't take my general word for it, have a track-by-track analysis of what all to hate about this album.
"Three Flights Up": This is by far the best song on the entire album, and it's the classical-style intro. Normally, I enjoy classical, but this just makes me angry, it's ridiculously simple and is no where near good enough to make up for the shittyness of the rest of the album. Also, never EVER end a classical sounding piece with some shitty sounding guitar "feedback." I put it in quotes because true guitar feedback doesn't sound that shitty, and it still shouldn't be used as a transition from a classical track to a "hardcore" rock piece. -23 out of 5
"Lights and Sounds": One guitar rhythm repeated over and over does not equal an interesting rock piece. The guitars sound horrible, the singer sounds horrible, and the classical sounds sound horrible. The drums aren't that bad, but drums will never save a track much less an album, and somehow I get the feeling that this will be one of the better songs on the album. According to the lyrics the guy apparently has a way to work this out, and will not shut up about it. -13432434 out of 5
"Down On My Head": Starts out whiny and goes downhill. Even the drums are shitty on this track. While listening to this track I had to keep myself from vomiting at least ten times which continued on until I took a break for a day and started on the next track. -934856 out of 5
"Sure Thing Falling": Whiny McWhinemaster tries to be cool and fails miserably because he's a whiny little bitch and thinks too much of himself. This track started off with the most impressive guitar riff on the album...the worst part is that it's not impressive. -923427 out of 5
"City of Devils": I guess since almost all of these songs are nearly identical I should talk about their "deep" lyrics. With lyrics like "It's hard to find angels in hell" and "Flying along, and I/Feel like I don't belong and I/Can't tell right from the wrong, why/Have I been here so long/In a city of devils we live" who needs intelligence? All this does is appeal to those moronic Emo kids who feel like everyone hates them because they're Emo and therefore, they're right and everyone else is a conformist. -983453 out of 5
"Rough Landing Holly": Another whiny song about how the guy needs to let go of this one girl or some shit. I can almost feel an aneurism in my near future from extended contact with crap music. And I've started dry heaving again, wonderful. -983758 out of 5
"Two Weeks from Twenty": This music is bad enough already, and yet the guy still thinks that he needs to try and hit a falsetto note. If you can't make the note...don't sing it. Never ever EVER have an album out where you crack a note unless you just want me to make a petition for your euthanization. There are only two guy singers that can actually hit a falsetto note and not look like an idiot that I know of and this is not one of them. Oooo boy, and this song is attempting to talk about war, but it fails because this is Yellowcard. The dry heaving has gotten much worse now.-2340282323 out of 5
"Waiting Game": Violins and guitars don't mix well unless you actually have a good composition, and even then it takes some serious work. This is just another stupid, whiny song about how he "needs to feel" some chick. Just trying to be pathetic to get laid, this in itself is so retarded that I want to kill every girl who has fallen for it and every guy who has even tried to pull it off. -987987 out of 5
After this point I went into convulsions until the album ended, and strangely I felt that I probably extended my life by several years by ending the torment to my brain early. Naturally, upon waking up and realized it was over I immediately screamed a joyous scream and began finishing up (or rather trying to make enough words so it'll be put up on the site) this article. My main problem with Yellowcard's "music" is that it's horrible and does not deserve to be considered music. I personally have a formula for making a good song. It goes like this: Good instrumentation plus good vocals plus good lyrics plus fair production will equal a good song. This abomination follows the following formula: Terrible instrumentation plus shitty vocals plus idiotic lyrics plus good production equals shitty music, or in this case, Yellowcard.
This is one of those albums that every person with a grain of intelligence should avoid. Retarded angst and constant whining abound throughout this album and generally makes you want to kill the fuckers who are supporting this shit's release. Sadly, this album actually sold fairly well, so soon we'll be seeing I Still Love Her and Wish I Could Die for Her by Yellowcard.
Dizz's Final Rating: PIECE OF SHIT out of 5