|

























FAQ
Contact
E-Mail
Hate Mail!
Best viewed in 1280x1024
The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century
and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor,
cocaine and South American prostitutes.
|
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 100 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
100: The End
by: Doom, Rammspieler,
Generalissimo Furioso, Jedi Guardian and Nerdlinger
2008-07-13
Nerdlinger
(writer/co-writer, Weeks 66, 70, 76-84): It's done? Really? Oh thank
God. While my record may not be as extensive as Doom's, all I can say is
that my tenure of doing the Nerdlinger team-ups was the worst experience
of my life. So many pages, with thousands of animated gifs on the
comment wall. 3 to 4 songs set to autoplay in the background.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 99 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
99: AmandA
by: Doom
2008-07-06
You'll see on the page she
hypes up the fact that she was the first Canadian to perform at the
Gathering of the Juggalos. I'm not exactly sure why it is significant.
Do Juggalos have a specific hatred of Canadians? Is Canadian citizenship
considered a handicap in the Juggalo scene that one has to overcome?
Well, Canadian could be code for black, as it's often used as such by
racists (Juggalos happen to have a high bigot rate despite co-opting
black culture and perverting it into idiocy) who want to hide their
racism so black people don't take offense and beat the shit out of them,
but she certainly doesn't look black.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 98 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
98: Lucky the Corcidin Fiend
by: Doom
2008-06-30
He loves music, which is
unfortunate because for the most part his music tastes fucking blow.
Upon going onto his page, the music player will assault your eardrums
with the horrid cacophony of sound known better as Jaguar Love. I think
the worst part of the song is hearing the very girly vocals and then
finding out via the Internet that the owner of the voice is a guy. A guy
who champions Vegan Pizza.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 97 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
97: Hi-Caliber
by: Doom and Jurassic3000
2008-06-22
He went from presumably sane
to insane fucking conservative of the Michael Savage stripe just based
on listening to the radio. This being the basis of his conversion to
conservatism explains several things. One thing that can be assumed is
he wasn't all that politically bright to begin with if it took 10
goddamn minutes of rabid animal Michael Savage's paranoid rantings to
form his current political ideology.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 96 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
96: When A Stranger Calls
by: Doom
2008-06-15
In the blog section of the
page, "Jill" writes up events which have been happening in her life...in
reverse order, oddly. She talks about a party she went to and how her
boyfriend left without her, and then the earlier entries recount her
grounding and her being forced to babysit on the night of the bonfire
party. One would think she would blog about her horrible near-death
experience at the hands of a sociopath at some point.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 95 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
95: The Eye
by: Doom and Jedi Guardian
2008-06-13
While on the surface the Eye
looks at least like an attempt at being a superhero, further
investigation (i.e., reading his blog entries) reveals his 'secret
identity'. He's a fucking pussy, people, and not the good kind you want
to stick your dick in. First of all, he's 49. A vigilante can't be 49,
or rather a good vigilante can't be 49. Unless you're fictional
character Frank Castle, no one has the physical abilities to hold their
own against lowlifes when they're goddamn 49 years old.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 94 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
94
by: Concerned Citizen
2008-06-01
Myspace is sexually immoral,
allowing for pictures of semi-nude men and women to be available
everywhere on the site. Now, I don't know about you, but that seems like
pornography to me. If my children were to see such things, they might
turn gay. My little girl might want to become a tennis player or a
Democrat Party politician after seeing pictures of Megan Fox or the Tomb
Raider. I suspect it's why Dick Cheney has a lesbian daughter. He was
too busy saving us from the Soviet Union and the Muslims to ensure Mary
Cheney didn't look at Playboy magazines while touching herself.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 93 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
93: Anti-Goth Group
by: Misery Paingoth
2008-05-25
One time, a boy on Facebook
called me an "ugly Goth bitch" who "deserves to be beaten to shit"
because of my "gay ass Marilyn Manson shit". I cried for days and days
because someone thought I should be beaten up. It took intensive
intervention from my psychologist, my psychiatrist and my school
counselor before I was even able to face the Internet again. I'm now on
Lexapro, Valium, Trazondone and Lithium, with a few more on the way. So
this proves that words can and do hurt.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 92 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
92: Gothic Liberation Front US
by: Doom, Generalissimo
Furioso, Jedi Guardian and Kennedy
2008-05-18
GLF goes all out with
the war conception, but not in the most obvious way (beating the shit
out of people). What you get, therefore, is nerdy shit people do on the
Internet when there's nothing better in their lives. The YouTube videos
are called 'war journals'. GLF tasks have 'Operation' names. They have a
surprisingly complex power apparatus that would put the USSR's Communist
Party to shame in terms of bureaucracy. Fuck. If you're gonna act as
though your bullshit is a war, you need to go Frank Castle War on Crime
on motherfuckers.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 91 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
91: Gothic Liberation Front UK
by: Doom
2008-05-11
Yes. Something called Gothic
Liberation Front exists. I was as surprised as you are now. I did not
think such a thing had any chance of somehow existing until Rammspieler
gave me the link to the Myspace. Really, just a link to their Myspace
page would suffice for this article. We don't really need to
elucidate the material with cunning insight because the idiocy speaks
for itself much of time. But, you know, what the hell. Why not tear
apart these idiots.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 90 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
90: Al Jourgensen
by: Martin Atkins
2008-05-04
The rest of the page focuses
on the C-U-LaTour, Ministry's farewell tour. Now, again, on the surface
it looks like a great idea. But then Al and his Ministry buddies screw
it up by not going the Martin Atkins way. See, if I was in their
position, I'd do the farewell tour...but then book a comeback tour the
following year. And the next and the next and the next. Or, better yet.
Every other year is a farewell tour and the other years are comeback
tours. So it'd be farewell, comeback, farewell, comeback and so on and
so forth. Isn't that genius?
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 88 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
88: National Socialist Party
by: Die Nerdenhauffer
2008-04-20
Well, apart from the Jewish
Media's working to mock mein beliefs in the Lord Adolf, from what I can
tell, ist ein boy trying to be "different" and look cool in front of his
friends. Now, I can understand the draw of the National Socialist Party
as a way to look cool. Ridding the world of the Jewish menace ist die
greatest thing in die world. However, I can not take this into
consideration, lest mein tongue by cut off for speaking such dissolance.
Die page ist a mockery of me and mein party members for many reasons.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 87 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
87: So-Cal Douchebag Couple
by: Rammspieler
2008-04-13
Meet Kat and Oscar, people.
Your typical southern Californian heterosexual (because in California we
must always be politically correct and make sure that you and your life
partner are either gay or straight. Extra diversity points if you're
both bisexual and are living in a trio with a third partner, y'all!)
couple composed of two art/humanities school grads who have managed to
get connected to the entertainment industry in the six degrees of
separation sense and most likely have something to do with Kevin Bacon.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 86 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
86: Slick Idiot
by: Doom
2008-04-06
The first thing to notice
upon visiting their Myspace page is the new song snippet offered by
their automatic music player. I should probably put new in quotations
because all Slick Idiot songs sound the same, all established in the
same narrow definition of crap electronica. Or crap industrial if you're
being charitable. Their 'new'est, "Burn with Me" does not vary from
anything off DickNity or Screwtinized; same growly vocals,
same shitty programming, same vague guitar usage, same spare female
voices which are probably in actuality tranny vocals.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 85 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
85: Lou Dobbs 4 President
by: Señor Fanboyo
2008-03-30
Accompanying Myspace group is
pictures of telling you not to vote for certain candidates for President
because they are associated with Global Elite or North American Union.
What confuses me is in top middle it seems there is picture of Ron Paul
on there, which is confusing since the main proponent of group is
supporter of Ron Paul (unless his parents name him as advertisement for
Ron Paul). I think it is Ron Paul at least. I am not entirely certain;
all of you gringos look the same to me, I am sad to say.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 84 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
84: Fuck Y'All Niggas!
by: Nerdlinger
2008-03-23
But Doom's going to have a
fucking hard time finding my replacement since it's basically just him
and myself nowadays. I've been to the site meetings, and it's usually
only Doom, Furioso and myself. And then Furioso leaves unannounced,
leaving just the two of us. I'm fucking loyal to this site, damn it. I
haven't seen any other regular in our meetings and those that do come
occasionally rarely write anything (for reference, look to Lemansky).
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 83 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
83: Super Smash Bros. Brawl
by: Nerdlinger and Donkey Kong
2008-03-16
I keep telling you, my
name isn't Donkey Kong, it's Tavis Smiley! Oh, whatever. So what am I
supposed to talk about? Well, since Cornel West is not here to discuss
his latest album as well as his thoughts on the Reverend Wright
controversy and the pattern of media bias in the primary coverage, I
suppose I should speak about the topic of this article: Super Smash
Bros. Brawl. Despite evidence to the contrary, I do not star in Super
Smash Bros. Brawl, for I am not a necktied gorilla who guards a banana
hoard in a jungle off the coast of Africa.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 82 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
82: The Black Ranger
by: Nerdlinger and Josiah X
2008-03-09
Oh, I see how it is. White
man - Arab man, whatever - too tired to finish the article. Want to get
his video game on. So he asks THE BLACK MAN to finish it. What am I,
some kinda servant? Motherfucker, I graduated magnum (yeah, magnum. I
SAID IT.) cum laude from MATC and you're failin' your way through UW-Crackerson!
Well, I tell you what. I am gonna help you out. Gonna help you out by
pointing out how RACIST you is. Black Ranger's a motherfucking hero to
true black people.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 81 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
81: Lil Rail
by: Nerdlinger and Josiah X
2008-03-02
Okay, so I lied in Myspace
79. I did do the monumental Myspace 80, but Doom was still part
of it to keep some prestige to the article and to keep me in line. I
apologize to my faithful readers who sent in angry emails to the site in
response to the false news I reported. In reality, though, I'm beginning
to grow tired as the head of the Madison Division, being the go-to guy
for Doom for these articles. They've made me weary, as each and every
last one of these Myspace Losers are blurring into one same person for
me.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 80 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
80: The REAL Kel Mitchell
by: Doom and Nerdlinger
2008-02-25
"WHO LOVES ORANGE SODA?! KEL
LOVES ORANGE SODA! Is it true? Mmm hmm... I do! I do! I do-ooo!" Well,
there goes to height of Kel Mitchell's stardom. Truly, his "Orange Soda"
line is perhaps his most well known through his many years of acting on
the children's television network Nickelodeon. And I'll be damned if
anything tries to take that away from my memories. These days, though,
it seems Kel Mitchell is trying his damnedest, and failing, to keep a
spot in the limelight.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 79 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
79: Lemansky
by: Nerdlinger
2008-02-17
The Combichrist song is nice
and gives the page a nice feel, it's just that WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE
THAT SHIT ON AUTOPLAY?! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE YOUR SHIT
BLASTING OVER MY PORN (THAT IS PURELY FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES FOR AN
ARTICLE I'M DOING) AT ONE OF THE PIVOTAL SCENES! ALLAH DAMN IT ALL TO
HELL!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 78 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
78: Short Shorts
by: Nerdlinger and Todd
Howard
2008-02-10
Todd Howard:
Guys. Guys. Guys. This Myspace, guys. What is this Myspace Loser, guys,
seriously, guys, guys. Short Shorts? They're also known as Todd Howard's
first love, guys. Even more than Fallout or Fallout:
Brotherhood of Steel, I love short shorts, guys. Seriously. There's
just something about them, guys, that makes me, guys. I don't know what
it is, seriously, but I know it's something. That's why this Myspace,
guys, is so disappointing, guys.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 77 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
77: Cloverfield
by: Nerdlinger and Ed Gein
2008-02-03
WHIMMY WHAM WHAM WOZZLE!
What's up, party dudes?! This is the original Party Worm™, Slurms
McKenzie™, here to introduce you all to this week's MySpace Loser! Now,
when I'm not partying every night for Slurm™ ("It's Highly Addictive!"),
I enjoy watching the awesome movie that today's youth loves! That's why
I can't think of any movie better for my and Slurm's™ endorsement than
the smash hit "Cloverfield"! Now, there are a few un-cool dudes in the
bunch who don't like the movie, so they're here to harsh my groove as
they jive on about the Cloverfield Movie Myspace page! Slurms™ out, and
keep on partying, dudes!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 76 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
76: Graffux
by: Nerdlinger
2008-01-27
Now, let me first get one
thing off my chest about this man's page. IT. TAKES. FUCKING. FOREVER.
TO. LOAD. There, that's all that needs to be said. It seems that "RoNnIE"
over here thinks it's cool that it takes 5 minutes for someone with a
cable modem to load his page.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 75 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
75: Dwayne the Dream Psychic
by: Doom and Rammspieler
2008-01-20
75 Myspace Loser of the Week
articles. Wow. That is a lot. It'd be even more if we stayed on schedule
more often and did one for every week the feature's been in practice
(which would amount to nearly 100). But nevertheless. It's something of
an accomplish. Thus, to mark the occasion there is the need to find a
special Loser to skewer. We decided against a retread of one of the more
memorable Losers because that'd be craven recycling of material we
already did 1-2 years ago. So I had to scour my ever dwindling list of
options.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 74 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
74: The Flying JimJim
by: Lemansky
2008-01-13
Still, the question of why I
would suddenly give up on him when this has been going on for quite a
while is a pertinent one, and the answer is....I got fucking sick of his
moronic shit talking.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 73 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
73: UR BOI KIKO
by: Doom
2008-01-06
What the FUCK is this
cracker bullshit. What...he ain't a cracka? He some sorta Latino
Hispanic? Well, he's just as bad! I don't like those motherfuckers
either. You know what he is. He's a motherfucking spigger - a spic who's
trying to steal our culture AND our jobs. You can steal either, you
fuckin' identityless pawn of Whitey, but not both. We black folk need
our jobs or our culture; we can't do without both of it. I suggest the
blacks keep everything and I KILL ALL Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS INSTEAD.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 72 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
72: Sascha Konietzko
by: En Esch
2007-12-30
The Daily Raider cruelly
mocked my Myspace last week and I felt I must take drastic action to
respond to it. Thus, I struck a deal with Doom of the Daily Raider: he
would be able to keep up that article of libel up on his website if I
was able to rebut it by doing a Myspace Loser of the Week of my own.
Since Guenter does not have a Myspace because his Myspace would not fit
within the resolution of the largest monitor, I have chosen Sascha
Konietzko. Yes, the very same Sascha Konietzko whose band I quit over 8
years ago.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 71 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
71: En Esch
by: Doom
2007-12-23
En Esch is one half of Slick
Idiot, or less than one half if you go by weight (Guenter Schulz is,
like, easily 3/4ths the band). Thus, as part of Slick Idiot, he must
prostitute himself everywhere for both work and recognition. Of course,
one of these prostitution venues is invariably Myspace. Myspace allows
for hack musicians the world over to increase the potential audience for
their work. It hasn't yet positively impacted Slick Idiot, yet I believe
En Esch thinks it will. He thinks if he pimps shit on Myspace enough all
of his couple hundred Myspace buddies will buy his shit and thus won't
force him and Schulz to do another ridiculous 'you must buy 8 CDs at $40
or else we can't print them up' display of poverty.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 70 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
70: Yeah Sports!
by: Nerdlinger
2007-12-16
GOD DAMN IT! WHY?! WHY?!
WHY?! He's just furthering my stereotypes of YEAH SPORTS! guys
even more so now with this crap. Now it seems JHWK is in the category
"Will Ferrell! Yelling! Funny! MAKE CRUNK LAUGH! AH HA HA HA!" He
further propagates the myth that Will Ferrel is funny, much like every
college student who furthers along Dane Cook's career. This is getting
to a point where I don't even feel like continuing on with this shit. I
mean, 13 year old boys find Will Ferrell's style of humor funny; grown
men shouldn't.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 69 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
69: Ron Paul Goth
by: Doom and Malice
2007-12-09
Yes, you read that right. Ron
Paul...Goth. Ron Paul Goth. Ron Paul Goth? Ron Paul Goth! Holy shit. The
universe must be collapsing in on itself. If you thought last week's
Hispanics for Ron Paul made no sense, then wait until you fucking try
handling the cognitive dissonance of a Goth going for a guy who probably
decries Goth culture as "faggots" or "faggot niggers". Possibly "nigger
faggots".
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 68 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
68: Hispanics for Ron Paul
by: Rammspieler
2007-12-02
There are times in one's life
when something totally unexpected and yet so fortunate occurs, such that
one would be stupid not to take advantage of the situation. However,
there are times when in order to take advantage of such a situation, one
must make a sacrifice. In the case of this week's Loser, the sacrifice
was a bit of my dignity.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 66 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
66: C-Mac
by: Bruce Banner/The Hulk and
Nerdlinger
2007-11-18
C-Mac. C-Mac is a confusing
fellow at first. He bears a striking resemblance to exiled staff writer
Captain Canuck, he states his age as 25 despite clearly being several
years younger, he wants to meet a child of Frank Zappa and yet not Zappa
himself (Myspace wants are not known to conform to the timeline of
linear events), and he speaks in the worst dialect known to man: white
trash ghetto speak.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 65 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
65: Crazy Ron Paul Fan
by: Dizz
2007-11-11
So yeah, we can obviously see
he's convinced Ron Paul will win the election and/or is something other
than a crazy old man completely unfit for any position except one in the
nursing home or the grave. Also, we can see he's a Libertarian judging
by the Rand in his books. I guess that can explain the insane love for a
Libertarian dipshit, since only another Libertarian could see one as
something other than batshit insane. You can notice he thinks he's a
filmmaker, although he's only made one 3 minute video on there and it
has since been deleted to make way for the abomination of Ron Paul
support.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 64 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
64: Ashton Flowers
by: Dizz
2007-11-04
[12:16] ashtonflowers_15@hotmail.com:
u know wat 69 is
[12:16] jessleninsmith@yahoo.com:
Yup.
[12:17] jessleninsmith@yahoo.com:
Done that, too.
[12:17] ashtonflowers_15@hotmail.com:
wat is that
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 63 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
63: Lester
by: Dizz
2007-10-28
Texas is definitely one of
those topics of eternal discussion for us at the Raider. I mean, what
other state has high schools which exist for the sole purpose of
churning out football players? As such, we rarely, if ever, pass up an
opportunity to mock Texans and in this case we have a double whammy:
Texan and A PROBABLE CHILD MOLESTER!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 61 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
61: Jason
by: Rammspieler
2007-10-14
You know, when he posted this
little tidbit, I thought his hilariously outdated sense of honor would
prevent him from coming back. In fact, I almost kinda got worried
because if he wasn't around, then what would be the use of making this
write-up on the man who once deemed me to be 'without honor' because I
told him the truth once?
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 60 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
60: Scorparius
by: Fat Rights Activist
2007-10-07
I feel sorry for her because
of how unhealthy she looks. Her stomach doesn't jut out of her pants
like mine does, nor do her arms seem to have any emergency fat. What's
the deal with all these people consciously trying to look physically
attractive?
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 59 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
59: Steve Niles
by: Steve Niles
2007-09-30
Steve Niles, the TRUE Steve
Niles, also doesn't hype up 30 Days of Night. Why? Because
THERE'S NO NEED TO HYPE SOMETHING EVERYONE LOVES. STEVE NILES ALREADY
KNOWS YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THE MOVIE. If you're not going to see the
movie, Steve Niles has already gone back in time and raped your
girlfriend, mother and every other female bitch you know. AND given them
AIDS. That's just a fact you can't change because only I can go back in
time thanks to my penis HAVING A TIME MACHINE INSIDE OF IT. MY TESTICLES
CONTROL THE TIME PERIOD AND THE GEOGRAPHIC LOCATION!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 58 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
58: Rammspieler
by: Blitz Niggardly
2007-09-23
Now, why would the Germans
want a spic to do their dirty work? Hide in plain sight, my friends,
hide in plain sight. See, the Germans count on us thinking spics
associate with Al Qaeda and NOT Germany. A clever chess move, don't you
think? Taking us off the scent by using a subhuman class known for their
ties to Arabic terrorists and the Bizarro Illuminati. But I don't buy
it. No, I know the truth: Puerto Ricans are not Mexicans, and the Puerto
Ricans have no ties to the Bizarro Illuminati.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 57 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
57: 9/11 Truth
by: Doom
2007-09-15
The question of "Does
Al-Qaeda exist" is specious, even for a dissenter such as myself. "Is
Al-Qaeda an independent entity, or is it just a puppet group backed by
the United States to ferment radical Islam as well as force the United
States people into supporting increased militarism" makes more sense as
a question. It's based on historical fact (U.S. training Afghans in the
80s to fend off Soviet advances). Questioning whether the group exists
at all, well, it seems kinda similar to the people who say fossils don't
exist and were planted there by Satan.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 56 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
56: Candice
by: Stan Lee, Doom, Steve Ditko and Artie Simek
2007-09-09
Steve Ditko:
Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down new
roads armed with nothing but their own vision. Their goals differed, but
they all had this in common: that the step was first, the road new, the
vision unborrowed, and the response they received--hatred. The great
creators--the thinkers, the artists, the scientists, the
inventors--stood alone against the men of their time. Every great new
thought was opposed. Every great new invention was denounced. The first
motor was considered foolish. The first airplane was considered
impossible. The power loom was considered vicious. Anesthesia was
considered sinful. But the men of unborrowed vision went ahead. They
fought, they suffered and they paid. But they won.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 55 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
55: Polish Nazi
by: Doom
2007-08-28
Poland ruins everything as
usual. They ruined beer, they ruined communism, and now they're ruining
the burgeoning racism in Europe by turning it into a prolonged joke. Way
to go, assholes! Now the fine work of the people at Stormfront will
still go to waste and the world will never have a chance to see what
it'd be like without any of the racial groups that contributed
everything worthwhile to the world. United Nazi forces of the mother's
basement brigade, I advise you guys to invade Poland again. They need a
lesson taught to them.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 54 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
54: Gail Sommers
by: Doom
2007-08-21
Man, if Dizz can't play
Devil's Advocate for a former possession of the British Empire, you know
they suck. You especially know a person sucks when a majority of
the space allotted to insulting them is used to insult a shitty former
possession of the British Empire. She's bland, folks. So bland, in fact,
that I couldn't squeeze any comedy out of the inherent tragicomedy of
her self-deluded, pathetic friends.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 53 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
53: Jarhead #147
by: Rammspieler
2007-08-03
Whine, whine, whine, whine,
WHINER! From what I can tell, apparently Jowers was most likely one of
those recruits who were hoping to get an easy desk job assignment and
shuffle paperwork FOR UNCLE SAM! But the realities of a post-9/11 world
hit him and he ends up in Iraq not once, but twice thanks to President
Magilla. Because who else would boast about how they are going to free
the world of Sandniggers while at the same time expressing fear about
the chances they could find themselves on the receiving end of an RPG
launcher?
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 52 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
52: Doom
by: The Fanboy
2007-07-26
Look at that. Look at
that. I've never been sickened so much in all my life, except
whenever Marvel comes out with new comic book solicitations. First, his
display name. It is in no way clever, and it comes off as very rude. I
do not want to suck his Vic, or anyone's Vic for that matter (maybe if
Power Girl had a Vic...). This just underscores the contempt Doom has
for his fans and the human race in general. The Doom I REMEMBER used to
have a combative relationship with people, yes, but ultimately he wanted
to change the world for the better, not wallow in his own hatred.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 51 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
51: Bisexual Juggalette 4 Life
by: Doom
2007-07-15
Let's start with the name -
"Bisexual Juggalette 4 Life". Bisexual means she is one of those
apparently trendy teenagers who believes in bisexuality despite only
doing it to turn other guys on. Notice the profile says she's in love
with a guy, and they have been dating for a couple of years. Yep, fad
bisexuality at its finest! You know what Jugglalette signifies. Either
she'll become the trailer trash wife to some cracker idiot, or she'll
end up being the girlfriend of a Juggalo nutcase who assaults a bar of
gay people.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 50 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
50: Tyler the Cop Killah
by: Rammspieler
2007-07-04
However, that doesn't excuse
Tyler for being yet another dipshit teen. I mean seriously. Who in this
day and age listens to 60's rock besides hippies, middle aged yuppies
and indie douchebags? Jim Morrison was just another drugged out loser
until Oliver Stone transferred him to the silver screen.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 49 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
49: Gamers
by: Doom, Rammspieler and Generalissimo Furioso
2007-06-24
I think Dwayne here confuses
what kind of RPGs appeal to the segments of the population not already
drinking down the Xbox360 Kool-Aid. For example, even the sales of
Blue Dragon in Japan have led to Xbox360 earning a sales spot
anywhere close to respectable. Shit, they're still below the PS3 in
Japan, and Sony is massively underperforming. Additionally, listing
Too Human as a potential RPG is a misnomer when it's not near
completion yet (will it ever be? Who knows!).
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 48 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
48: Joni Estrella Martinez
by: Dizz
2007-06-02
First thing you will notice
is that she is absolutely OBSESSED with her fucking kid, as opposed to
ashamed for being stupid enough to get knocked up in the first place and
not realizing that the kid would probably be better off not alive. As
opposed to the alternative: having a retarded mom attempting to take
care of him and ending up spoiling him. Her grandmother will probably
have to adopt him and all the other kids this fuck up manages to make.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 47 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
47: The Simpsons
by: Doom
2007-05-21
The Simpsons destroyed
comedy as we know it! And now the Simpsons has started sucking on
Myspace. I knew they'd stop being good and continuity-friendly once Mike
"The Destroyer" Scully started executive producing the page. The
Simpsons Myspace page used to be so much more...emotional, you know? Now
it's all a bunch of wacky video clips and mean jerkass Homer crap. I
remember when Myspace was a young website, and the only people who were
on there really cared about the quality of their pages. They had emotion
and substance. Now it's all just glitz and glamour to sate the dumb
public.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 46 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
46: Marlon
by: Rammspieler
2007-05-02
What deeper expression of
love can there be than a cheesy photoshop of a pic from my sister's
profile! Actually, I'm showing this pic to see if I can auction her off
for the night and make enough money so I can make it to Raidercon this
summer over at Daily Raider world HQ in Doom's basement. The bidding
starts at $100. Do I hear $150? $250? C'mon Marlon, I know I'm thrashing
you here, buddy, but I really need the money! Anybody want to put up
$1000?
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 45 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
45: Sorry Mutha Fucka Adios Part Deux
by: Dizz
2007-03-14
Recently two Hispanic
students decided they wanted to fuck, so they went into the bathroom and
did it. Some people walked in on them and they got in trouble. Of
course, given that we go to a small school, word spread like wildfire
and thus there was even a topic on the school's Myspace listing. Of
course, SORRY MUTHA FUCKA ADIOS had to get his two cents in and let
everyone know how gross it is when two spics fuck. TOTALLY NOT
RACIST!!!!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 44 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
44: Phantom Simba
by: Doom
2007-02-28
First things first: the name.
Phantom Simba. The second word implies a love of The Lion King,
which the profile confirms later. I can understand liking the
Hamlet-with-annoying-songs at age 6, but 19 is way too fucking old for
what amounts to a less violent, less exciting, less narratively strong
version of a Shakespeare play. You never see someone professing a love
for Kim Possible Presents MacBeth, do you? I don't fucking
think so.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 43 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
43: Youth Action Coalition
by: Doom
2007-02-17
Their ideology, predictably,
follows the standard center-left playbook. Bush lied, they died, we need
fair trade, stop imperialism (where were these fucks during Clinton's
90's, I wonder), hey isn't Obama great, the sort of
quasi-Marxist-in-a-hilariously-sanitized-way shit you predict before
even needing to see the fucks in action. Maybe if all these useless shit
organizations united under one banner they'd be a threat to capitalism
and government (as much as peaceful protesters can be, anyway), but as
it stands, they've got nothing in terms of clout. Watch out, WTO, the
YAC might throw a protest and...um...speak badly of you in
wishy-washy terms or something!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 42 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
42: Islamofascist
by: Rammspieler
2007-02-10
I see, I see what you're
doing here, spic. Spicspieler. You're trying to bash THE BLACK MAN for a
religion he originally created! That's right! No fucking Arabs had
anything to do with creating Islam! All created by the black man, I'm
proud to say. Mohammed? White man propaganda. The REAL prophet was
Tyrone of East Harlem in 1982. He heard the word of Allah and recorded
it on the mixtape "Best of Harlem Underground Vol. 5". I'll admit Islam
is the religion of war...against THE WHITE MAN, the true enemy of the
planet Earth, progress and rap music.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 41 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
41: JDPLVY
by: Rammspieler
2007-01-31
"Poor Dave! Always the one
who ends up with the short stick in life because those mean people won't
stop making fun of him with their constant plea's for him to leave them
alone!" This is basically the gist of about 99% of Dave's blog material.
He complains that people have it for him, yet he fails to realize that
either he's being paranoid or if he would stop acting like a stupid
asshole to people, then maybe he wouldn't be the perpetual flamebait
that he is (although he is a troll and pretty much deserves the flamings).
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 40 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
40: Marine Corps!
by: Doom
2007-01-25
Your eyes do not deceive you.
The military has indeed entered into the realm of Myspace as their
latest tool to tricking young men into sacrificing their lives to the
oilmen. In one respect, it's fucking hilarious. Myspace losers? Fighting
terra in the desert? Jesus Christ, these people complain when someone
takes them off their Top 8. The prospect of them trying to create
chaos/order/oil money in Iraq amuses me to no end. You ain't seen
nothing yet if you thought Vietnam's unprepared drafted troops would be
the most unmotivated, cowardly and stupid troops to serve in a United
States initiated conflict.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 39 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
39: Postie
by: Doom
2007-01-09
Leading the charge of pure
evil mascots is none other than the symbol for the shittiest paper on
UWM's campus, Postie, the UWM Post talking newspaper...thing. Don't ask
me what the fuck it is beyond a WALKING NIGHTMARE. Somehow, the monster
registered a Myspace page. DAMN YOU NEWS CORP, WHY DO YOU LET PAIN BE
DOLED OUT AT RANDOM INTERVALS BY FREAKISH ANTHROPOMORPHIC NEWSPRINT?!?!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 38 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
38: Gears of War
by: Doom, Rammspieler, Bruce
Banner and Generalissimo Furioso
2007-01-03
Explosions! Thrills!
Explosions! A "deep storyline"! Explosions! Blood! Explosions!
Multiplayer support for up to 8 players on Xbox Live! Explosions! Thinly
veiled substitute for terrorists in the form of aliens from beneath the
Earth! Explosions! All that and more was thoroughly mocked in our no
less than two reviews for the game and while we feel that our reviews
have done the gaming world justice, they did not however fully expose
the other aspect of what makes Gears of War the "overhyped and
rushed piece of garbage because Bungie did not finish the original piece
of overhyped garbage (Halo 3) in time" that it is. The fucking
fanboys.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 37 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
37: Playboy
by: Doom
2006-12-25
I should probably the address
the Italian gangster angle, so here goes: Italian gangsters, in current
form, are not cool in any way. The days of the mafia regulating
everything, the days of J. Edgar Hoover denying the mafia existed while
they held onto pictures of Hoover wearing a dress, the days of The
Godfather and Goodfellas? Yes. Yes, the mafia was cool then.
Now? Not so much. The mafia isn't in the spotlight anymore, so Italian
kids' claims of their family being instrumental in the mafia does not
inspire fear anymore. The Russians and the Armenians and the blacks are
far more intimidating than a bunch of pizza eating meatballs.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 36 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
36: Sadie
by: Doom
2006-12-10
Sadie hits all the targets
for 'impending white trash'. She has vapid, idiot female friends and
douchebaggy skater idiot asshole male friends. She pretends these
'people' are in some way contributing to existence as opposed to being
black holes of mental thought (as we all know they are). The arrogant
kinda sad-kinda hilarious irony of white trash, too. You know, the "I'm
a star" or "I'm a success" or "I won't end up with 5 kids by age 22 and
I won't have my dreams shattered in favor of living with a dime store
Kevin Federline". Things of sufficient irony that have a slightly better
chance of happening than Hell freezing over or Rush Limbaugh becoming a
world class bodybuilder.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 35 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
35: Lindy
by: Doom and Rammspieler
2006-12-04
Boys and girls, meet Lindy.
The vaguely Hispanic looking, super impatient and voyeuristic
pretentious fuck and possible extra from The OC. I wish I could
comment more about this particular section of her profile, but one thing
we do know about Lindy, like all women, is that she has a big as fuck
ego, as can be ascertained by the lack of any real details on her
profile and her filling it up with pictures of herself. Attention whore
alert!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 34 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
34: Machacek
by: Dizz and Keno
2006-11-22
As for TV...well, let's see:
Family Guy = Gay
Drive = Gay
Robot Chicken = Gay
Andy Milonakis = Fat and Gay
X Games = Extremely Gay
MTV = Gay Whoredom
Jackass = Gay
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 33 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
33: Cobra1237
by: Doom and Rammspieler
2006-11-13
Cobra has all the required
markings and attributes of a true suburban redneck cracker. Redneck
crackers who have the luxury of living miles away from black people
indulge in tricked out expensive-for-no-Goddamn-reason cars (his
favorite is the Volkswagen...I bet his ashtray is made of Jewish bones),
white whine rock, testosterone fueled homoerotic action pictures of the
80's and 90's (anything involving Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester
Stallone), love of contributing to the country's obesity problem, and
fearful reactionary social conservative views.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 32 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
32: Model4Christ
by: Doom and Chuck Austen
2006-10-28
My standards typically fall
under the 'low' category. Not because I don't have good taste, but
because I don't really care to wait for a chick who's almost on the same
intellectual level as myself. Why bother when it's so much easier to
find an attractive, dumb chick? There's no real downside except for
maybe listening to them prattle on about God knows what before and after
sex. Earplugs solve that problem, though, so in fact there is no
downside.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 31 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
31: Brian Michael Bendis
by: The Fanboy
2006-10-21
As expected Bendis
decompresses his Myspace to a huge extent. If Stan Lee wrote this (not
that he ever would since Stan isn't a continuity hating rapist of
characters), he could have the Myspace page take place in 3 panels
rather than an entire page. I can't see why fans willingly let Bendis
scoop this garbage into their mouths month in and month out for little
to no returns. Back when true pioneers made Myspace pages, action AND
characterization happened, not just a lot of talking heads and dialogue
and so on. I remember Roy Thomas' Myspace, back when they called them
Timely Rotoscopes, every update, a new fight with his erstwhile foe Bill
Everett.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 30 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
30: I Are Coop
by: Doom and Rammspieler
2006-10-14
A good way to determine
someone's personality and overall feel is by looking at the company he
or she keeps. Well, going by the company, I Are Coop notches himself
down from "Downs Syndrome Patient" to "McMurphy at the End of One
Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Only Even Less Brain Activity Occurs".
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 29 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
29: Fagnime
by: Doom and Rammspieler
2006-10-07
Besides his declaration of
voluntary mental instability, we see that like most otaku, his tastes
are pretty much hit and miss. I'll give him credit for being a Clerks,
Akira and Spaceballs fan. But when he mentions a liking
for such cinematic classics like Napoleon Dynamite, X3 and
a Will Ferrell comedy, we know that there is no turning back, people.
Fun fact: The only time you will see a purportedly straight American
male admit to liking pop music is when he says that he likes J-Pop,
"Because it's like, totally in Japanese and therefore it is cool!" Never
mind listing J-Rock.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 28 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
28: Psycohol
by: Bruce Banner/The Hulk
2006-09-30
HULK HATE STRAIGHT EDGE
PEOPLE! STRAIGHT EDGE PEOPLE ARE WUSSES AND YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HULK
HATES! WUSSES! "OH LOOK AT ME I AM STRAIGHT EDGE LOSER WATCH ME NOT DO
ANYTHING FUN AND THEN WHINE ABOUT NEVER DOING ANYTHING FUN IN MY
LIVEJOURNAL! HERE'S A TIP, LOSERHOL, GIRLS LIKE DRUGS AND SEX AND
ALCOHOL! WHEN THEY ASK FOR IT, NOT WHEN IT'S GIVEN TO THEM BY FORCE OR
TRICKS BUT STILL! HULK GET LOTS OF LADIES AS JOE FIXIT, GREATEST DRINK
MIXER IN ALL OF LAS VEGAS! HOW MANY GIRLS DOES PSYCOHOL SNAG? NONE!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 27 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
27: Clown Boy
by: Doom
2006-09-24
Uh oh, Dad's Minutemen brigade is shipping out to Qatar to kick
the asses of some foreigners on their own foreign soil. First of all, who the
Hell serves in Qatar. The place is smaller than New York City, less Jewish, and
is notable only in how it plays both sides - aids in Hurricane Katrina disaster
relief AND supports Hamas. I could be the entire peacekeeping force in Qatar.
Second of all, the irony he cites isn't very ironic at all! STOP MISINTERPRETING
NON-IRONIC THINGS AS IRONIC THINGS, YOU FUCKING REDNECK JACKASS.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 26 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
26: Dan Brown AKA Anal Scurvy
by: Steve Niles
2006-09-17
In terms of other interests,
ANAL SCURVY CONTINUES TO BE THE WHITEST LEAST HARDCORE SON OF A BITCH ON
THE PLANET! Cars? What, can't Anal Scurvy fly using his JET-FEET LIKE
STEVE NILES?! Friends? LIKE THIS FAG HAS ANY OTHER THAN HIS MOM AND HIS
NONEXISTENT DICK! Chillin'? STEVE NILES IS ICE COLD IN A WAY YOU'LL
NEVER BE! STEVE NILES CAN FREEZE SHIT WITH HIS MIND, CAN YOU? I DON'T
THINK SO, FAG!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 25 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
25: Fagberto
by: Steve Niles
2006-09-09
If anything, the interests
DOMO ARIGOTO MR. CUMGOTO entered on his page only prove STEVE BADASS
NILES' point MORE. Favorite movie: BLOW, which TOUGH AS NILES
BELIEVES IS A MOVIE ABOUT BLOWING GUYS! Jesus Fucking Niles, why not put
BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN OR THE PIRATES OF THE COCKIBBEAN ON THE
LIST TOO?!?!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 24 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
24: Chrissy
by: Steve Niles
2006-09-03
STEVE NILES RECOMMENDED
DEATH FOR CHRISSY: LET HIM GO BOBBING FOR COCKS ONLY FILL THE
BARREL WITH EXPLOSIVES SO WHEN HE LATCHES ON TO A COCK HE FUCKING
EXPLODES!!!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 23 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
23: Girl Pants
by: Steve Niles
2006-08-26
If Steve Niles was right
there while Dickless was taking his (?) picture, he'd kick Gayboy's ass,
using a baseball bat, and then jam a fork up his ass, teaching him WHY
YOU DON'T FUCKING PUT DICKS IN YOUR ASS UNLESS YOU'RE STEVE NILES' 3RD
WIVE. AND STEVE NILES ONLY FUCKED HER IN THE ASS CAUSE HER PUSSY
EXPLODED A WHILE BACK WHEN STEVE NILES NEEDED TO USE A MOTHERFUCKING
CONDOM MADE OUT OF FUCKING DYNAMITE!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 22 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
22: Freak12
by: Doom and Dizz
2006-08-20
As a fellow who divulges in
the wonders of drugs on an infrequent basis, I still know the general
effects given by drugs, be it garden variety marijuana to the more
psyche damaging LSD, Salvia and DXM. Looking over this fellow's Myspace
page reminds me of a particularly discouraging trip I once had, a
cacophony of sounds and rushing images, completely nonsensical in their
format, tone and chronology, each second a nail to my head.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 21 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
21: World of Warcraft
by: Doom and Rammspieler
2006-08-14
As you can see here, World
of Warcraft has crossed over to the dark side in using Myspace to
gain even more popularity. Frequent perpetrators of evil such as My
Chemical Romance and Dane Cook are also known for perverting social
networking sites for their own devious aims. Why would Blizzard, makers
of Starcraft and the only real reason to live anymore, stoop so
low to promote their MMORPG? I suggest a conspiracy involving the douche
founder of Myspace, Dane Cook, Dave Chappelle, and...the Patron Saint of
Fanboys. Because really, what purpose does a World of Warcraft
Myspace bring to the table? Nothing.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 20 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
20: Jeremy the Gay
by: Expendable Sony Executive
#636
2006-08-06
Similar to Nintendo and their
complete lack of sales, Jeremy only has 25 friends. Compared to a
certain Sony supporting Myspace user, earning support of 2549 friends,
it's incredibly pathetic and a tinge sad. Speaking of sad, his overall
conversational skills appall, quickly explaining why he has no friends.
Using "XD" and "X3" do not count as facial expressions; rather, they
represent the mind of a fragile freak of nature scratching at the door,
yearning to exit.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 19 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
19: The Death of Myspace
by: Doom
2006-07-29
2 million results for Myspace on the blog
search engine Technorati! Hundreds of losers whining about their Myspace pages not showing up
anymore! "Oh no, how shall I bait teenage girls now?!" "How shall I whore myself
out on the world wide web now?!" "How shall I write a weekly column on idiotic
Myspace pages now?!", it just goes on and on and on.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 18 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
18: Harlem Prophet
by: Rammspieler
2006-07-21
You know, in our shower there
is this area up on the ceiling where the plaster becomes wet from all
the water droplets condensing upon it and forms this image of Jesus
Christ and Lenin having anal sex. Is it also a miracle of God? I live in
a Hispanic country, so I guess it is.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 17 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
17: Insane Clown Nazi
by: Doom
2006-07-14
Best of all, Jekyll had
friends. Friends who supported him even after he went crazy, tried to
kill some gay people, then killed two people and then himself. I
consider myself to be a good friend, but if, say, Banner went on a
shooting spree I wouldn't accuse the media of 'distorting' the facts.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 16 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
16: Abby the Age Liar
by: Doom and Rammspieler
2006-07-05
Then we ask ourselves why
kidnapped white girls is a national obsession. The answer is clearly
because parents like Abby's daddy encourage it so that they can become
overnight media personalities and gain their 15 minutes of fame, crying
the shit out of themselves and begging for the kidnappers to 'put
themselves in their shoes' or something.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 14 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
14: Ashleigh
by: Dizz
2006-06-14
Recently she put up a picture of herself, and I was remarkably unsurprised by
her severe case of acne and her bulbous facial structure, but sadly there were no
large warts or whiskers, or I would have been able to mock her further or
possibly compare her to a toad. Still, I would not be surprised if desert
conditions in her vagina ended up causing major droughts throughout Hawaii as
well as possibly increasing the landmass in that area.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 13 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
13: Billy Boy
by: Doom
2006-05-29
The ultimate reason why the
world and this country is fucked is that the youth movement isn't
anything. There is no youth movement to do anything. A bunch of
shiftless layabouts is what they are, more concerned with ringtones than
pressing political, environmental, social and foreign concerns. But who
really does care about all that rubbish when there's Desperate
Housewives to TiVo?!?!?!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 12 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
12: The Crimson
by: Nixon
2006-05-17
Speaking of taste, THE
CRIMSON has all the greats when it comes to horrid tastes. Yes,
American Dad makes his TV list, along with Zach Braff's holocaust
Scrubs, and Stripperella, a show proving Stan Lee was
suffering from the early stages of Alzheimer's. While I've grown
accustomed to people liking American Dad on Myspace, despite no one in
real life admitting to touching that show with a 15-foot pole, I thought
most people weren't even aware of Stripperella, for that matter
liking it.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 11 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
11: Carlos Mangual
by: Rammspieler
2006-05-10
So right from the start, from
the dubious profile title to the fact that in his 'about me' section, we
are told that he's a fan of 'Real Life' comics, we can ascertain that
Carlos is the kind of loser that thinks highly of himself because if he
decided to write a 'romantic comedy' comic book (that is the first time
and I hope the last time where I hear the two terms being used
together!), then surely his life must have been noteworthy enough to put
into sequential art!
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 10 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
10: Cipriani
by: Doom and Rammspieler
2006-05-04
Cipriani also shows his love
of beer on this page, and in light of that new information, I am even
more appalled with him than I was before. Beer is not for drinking. Beer
is the drink of commoners, for people who are not good enough to get at
the finer drinks like wine, tequila, Irish whiskey, and even good old
fashioned drink from the Motherland, Russian Vodka. If you drink beer
you are showing that you are unable to handle the finer drinks, and are
not even deserving of a second thought.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 9 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
9: FBI Sting Operation #524
by: Doom and Nixon
2006-04-26
Today we award Myspace Loser
of the Week to the FBI for its attempts to catch pedophiles/weirdos/sexual
predators through the fake profile goddess of skulls!x. While, albeit,
fairly generic in execution, the size of the friends list clearly proves
the FBI is hard at work cleaning out one of the internet's cesspools.
This thing has all the markings of a fake profile.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 7 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
7: Pat Lee
by: Doom
2006-04-05
2. Always put a little money
aside in case of a rainy day. WHAT IT REALLY MEANS: By rainy day
he means 'when your company's bankrupt, your employees are unpaid, and
you want to keep your fancy car'.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 6 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
6: Jordan Powell
by: Doom and Nixon
2006-03-29
There are a few things you
should know about Powell: he's a rich white cracker who knows nothing
about the struggles of the middle and lower classes, and he's a God
freak. God freaks are just that, freaks. Being a practicing Christian is
okay, but to bring it up all the time is akin to Tom Cruise bringing up
his crazy space alien beliefs all the time: it's uncouth and people will
look at you funny, though probably more so in the latter's case.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 5 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
5: Stupid Wuss Man
by: Doom, Rammspieler and
Scarecrow
2006-03-22
I'll give him credit for one
thing though. At least he likes Orgy and that's coming from an
industrial metal fan who can only bring himself to like one or two songs
out of each album they make because the rest isn't even worth the album
price. The rest is surprisingly not indie because half of the bands are
played on MTV, like Incubus and Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal
Service. The rest of them just sound fake, like VHS or Beta (no DVD
love, indie guys?) and Mirwais.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 4 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
4: Usagi Kou
by: Rammspieler
2006-03-12
By the way, she has some
pussy of a man for a boyfriend known around the circles as 'mamo-chan'
because as I understand it, he resembles Sailor Moon's boyfriend on the
show, and Lori will absolutly refuse to have sex with anybody who does
not look like that guy! They're an on-again,off-again sort of
relationship because he can't stand her and her drama, yet misses the
sex, so they get back together again.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 3 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
3: Juggalo Brandon
by: Doom and Nixon
2006-03-05
Let's start with the screen
name. It has the year he graduated high school, or more likely received
his GED, and has the number 69 in it. Oh, and goody, he lists his
favorite car. I would have been lost without knowing he loves an Asian
automobile that appeals to a very large portion of the youth
demographic. As noted he is a Juggalo, which makes him the lowest tier
of music fan, sub Phish, even. We didn't find him because of his love of
ICP, as it is generally assumed that they are too stupid to even use
Myspace.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 2 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week
2: Lor the Whore
by: Doom and Rammspieler
2006-02-27
We have no idea what underage
Jewish girls are doing in Rammspieler's neck of the woods, but that's
not the case. The case is that we have found yet another fine example of
what happens when you let your kids go online unsupervised. One would
think that parents would have learned the lesson by now, but as
demonstrated by a recent case in the news of a 13 year old girl who put
up her home address on her Myspace account, parents these days are
fucking dumb.
|
 |
|
|
Myspace Loser Week 1 |
|
| |
Myspace Loser Week 1: Autistic Josh
by: Doom and Rammspieler
2006-02-14
Even if you discount the fact
that the layout contains and incorporates the worst animated show since
sliced bread, Family Guy, that is a legitimately shoddy design
and a genuine eyesore to people who have eyes. Why would you have
several Family Guy images overlap into the apocalypse? The only
person who could think that "Hey, this is an awesome layout and will
certainly lead to me getting friends and some tail" is a colorblind
Goddamn idiot.
|
 |
|