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The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.

 

Myspace Loser Week 100

 

Myspace Loser Week 100: The End

by: Doom, Rammspieler, Generalissimo Furioso, Jedi Guardian and Nerdlinger

2008-07-13

Nerdlinger (writer/co-writer, Weeks 66, 70, 76-84): It's done? Really? Oh thank God. While my record may not be as extensive as Doom's, all I can say is that my tenure of doing the Nerdlinger team-ups was the worst experience of my life. So many pages, with thousands of animated gifs on the comment wall. 3 to 4 songs set to autoplay in the background.

 

Myspace Loser Week 99

 

Myspace Loser Week 99: AmandA

by: Doom

2008-07-06

You'll see on the page she hypes up the fact that she was the first Canadian to perform at the Gathering of the Juggalos. I'm not exactly sure why it is significant. Do Juggalos have a specific hatred of Canadians? Is Canadian citizenship considered a handicap in the Juggalo scene that one has to overcome? Well, Canadian could be code for black, as it's often used as such by racists (Juggalos happen to have a high bigot rate despite co-opting black culture and perverting it into idiocy) who want to hide their racism so black people don't take offense and beat the shit out of them, but she certainly doesn't look black.

 

Myspace Loser Week 98

 

Myspace Loser Week 98: Lucky the Corcidin Fiend

by: Doom

2008-06-30

He loves music, which is unfortunate because for the most part his music tastes fucking blow. Upon going onto his page, the music player will assault your eardrums with the horrid cacophony of sound known better as Jaguar Love. I think the worst part of the song is hearing the very girly vocals and then finding out via the Internet that the owner of the voice is a guy. A guy who champions Vegan Pizza.

 

Myspace Loser Week 97

 

Myspace Loser Week 97: Hi-Caliber

by: Doom and Jurassic3000

2008-06-22

He went from presumably sane to insane fucking conservative of the Michael Savage stripe just based on listening to the radio. This being the basis of his conversion to conservatism explains several things. One thing that can be assumed is he wasn't all that politically bright to begin with if it took 10 goddamn minutes of rabid animal Michael Savage's paranoid rantings to form his current political ideology.

 

Myspace Loser Week 96

 

Myspace Loser Week 96: When A Stranger Calls

by: Doom

2008-06-15

In the blog section of the page, "Jill" writes up events which have been happening in her life...in reverse order, oddly. She talks about a party she went to and how her boyfriend left without her, and then the earlier entries recount her grounding and her being forced to babysit on the night of the bonfire party. One would think she would blog about her horrible near-death experience at the hands of a sociopath at some point.

 

Myspace Loser Week 95

 

Myspace Loser Week 95: The Eye

by: Doom and Jedi Guardian

2008-06-13

While on the surface the Eye looks at least like an attempt at being a superhero, further investigation (i.e., reading his blog entries) reveals his 'secret identity'. He's a fucking pussy, people, and not the good kind you want to stick your dick in. First of all, he's 49. A vigilante can't be 49, or rather a good vigilante can't be 49. Unless you're fictional character Frank Castle, no one has the physical abilities to hold their own against lowlifes when they're goddamn 49 years old.

 

Myspace Loser Week 94

 

Myspace Loser Week 94

by: Concerned Citizen

2008-06-01

Myspace is sexually immoral, allowing for pictures of semi-nude men and women to be available everywhere on the site. Now, I don't know about you, but that seems like pornography to me. If my children were to see such things, they might turn gay. My little girl might want to become a tennis player or a Democrat Party politician after seeing pictures of Megan Fox or the Tomb Raider. I suspect it's why Dick Cheney has a lesbian daughter. He was too busy saving us from the Soviet Union and the Muslims to ensure Mary Cheney didn't look at Playboy magazines while touching herself.

 

Myspace Loser Week 93

 

Myspace Loser Week 93: Anti-Goth Group

by: Misery Paingoth

2008-05-25

One time, a boy on Facebook called me an "ugly Goth bitch" who "deserves to be beaten to shit" because of my "gay ass Marilyn Manson shit". I cried for days and days because someone thought I should be beaten up. It took intensive intervention from my psychologist, my psychiatrist and my school counselor before I was even able to face the Internet again. I'm now on Lexapro, Valium, Trazondone and Lithium, with a few more on the way. So this proves that words can and do hurt.

 

Myspace Loser Week 92

 

Myspace Loser Week 92: Gothic Liberation Front US

by: Doom, Generalissimo Furioso, Jedi Guardian and Kennedy

2008-05-18

GLF goes all out with the war conception, but not in the most obvious way (beating the shit out of people). What you get, therefore, is nerdy shit people do on the Internet when there's nothing better in their lives. The YouTube videos are called 'war journals'. GLF tasks have 'Operation' names. They have a surprisingly complex power apparatus that would put the USSR's Communist Party to shame in terms of bureaucracy. Fuck. If you're gonna act as though your bullshit is a war, you need to go Frank Castle War on Crime on motherfuckers.

 

Myspace Loser Week 91

 

Myspace Loser Week 91: Gothic Liberation Front UK

by: Doom

2008-05-11

Yes. Something called Gothic Liberation Front exists. I was as surprised as you are now. I did not think such a thing had any chance of somehow existing until Rammspieler gave me the link to the Myspace. Really, just a link to their Myspace page would suffice for this article. We don't really need to elucidate the material with cunning insight because the idiocy speaks for itself much of time. But, you know, what the hell. Why not tear apart these idiots.

 

Myspace Loser Week 90

 

Myspace Loser Week 90: Al Jourgensen

by: Martin Atkins

2008-05-04

The rest of the page focuses on the C-U-LaTour, Ministry's farewell tour. Now, again, on the surface it looks like a great idea. But then Al and his Ministry buddies screw it up by not going the Martin Atkins way. See, if I was in their position, I'd do the farewell tour...but then book a comeback tour the following year. And the next and the next and the next. Or, better yet. Every other year is a farewell tour and the other years are comeback tours. So it'd be farewell, comeback, farewell, comeback and so on and so forth. Isn't that genius?

 

Myspace Loser Week 89

 

Myspace Loser Week 89: Artistic Josh

by: Shigeru Miyamoto

2008-04-27

IT IS GODZILLA GOBLIN WE MUST FLEE NOW...OR MUST WE? [explosion]

 

Myspace Loser Week 88

 

Myspace Loser Week 88: National Socialist Party

by: Die Nerdenhauffer

2008-04-20

Well, apart from the Jewish Media's working to mock mein beliefs in the Lord Adolf, from what I can tell, ist ein boy trying to be "different" and look cool in front of his friends. Now, I can understand the draw of the National Socialist Party as a way to look cool. Ridding the world of the Jewish menace ist die greatest thing in die world. However, I can not take this into consideration, lest mein tongue by cut off for speaking such dissolance. Die page ist a mockery of me and mein party members for many reasons.

 

Myspace Loser Week 87

 

Myspace Loser Week 87: So-Cal Douchebag Couple

by: Rammspieler

2008-04-13

Meet Kat and Oscar, people. Your typical southern Californian heterosexual (because in California we must always be politically correct and make sure that you and your life partner are either gay or straight. Extra diversity points if you're both bisexual and are living in a trio with a third partner, y'all!) couple composed of two art/humanities school grads who have managed to get connected to the entertainment industry in the six degrees of separation sense and most likely have something to do with Kevin Bacon.

 

Myspace Loser Week 86

 

Myspace Loser Week 86: Slick Idiot

by: Doom

2008-04-06

The first thing to notice upon visiting their Myspace page is the new song snippet offered by their automatic music player. I should probably put new in quotations because all Slick Idiot songs sound the same, all established in the same narrow definition of crap electronica. Or crap industrial if you're being charitable. Their 'new'est, "Burn with Me" does not vary from anything off DickNity or Screwtinized; same growly vocals, same shitty programming, same vague guitar usage, same spare female voices which are probably in actuality tranny vocals.

 

Myspace Loser Week 85

 

Myspace Loser Week 85: Lou Dobbs 4 President

by: Señor Fanboyo

2008-03-30

Accompanying Myspace group is pictures of telling you not to vote for certain candidates for President because they are associated with Global Elite or North American Union. What confuses me is in top middle it seems there is picture of Ron Paul on there, which is confusing since the main proponent of group is supporter of Ron Paul (unless his parents name him as advertisement for Ron Paul). I think it is Ron Paul at least. I am not entirely certain; all of you gringos look the same to me, I am sad to say.

 

Myspace Loser Week 84

 

Myspace Loser Week 84: Fuck Y'All Niggas!

by: Nerdlinger

2008-03-23

But Doom's going to have a fucking hard time finding my replacement since it's basically just him and myself nowadays. I've been to the site meetings, and it's usually only Doom, Furioso and myself. And then Furioso leaves unannounced, leaving just the two of us. I'm fucking loyal to this site, damn it. I haven't seen any other regular in our meetings and those that do come occasionally rarely write anything (for reference, look to Lemansky).

 

Myspace Loser Week 83

 

Myspace Loser Week 83: Super Smash Bros. Brawl

by: Nerdlinger and Donkey Kong

2008-03-16

I keep telling you, my name isn't Donkey Kong, it's Tavis Smiley! Oh, whatever. So what am I supposed to talk about? Well, since Cornel West is not here to discuss his latest album as well as his thoughts on the Reverend Wright controversy and the pattern of media bias in the primary coverage, I suppose I should speak about the topic of this article: Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Despite evidence to the contrary, I do not star in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, for I am not a necktied gorilla who guards a banana hoard in a jungle off the coast of Africa.

 

Myspace Loser Week 82

 

Myspace Loser Week 82: The Black Ranger

by: Nerdlinger and Josiah X

2008-03-09

Oh, I see how it is. White man - Arab man, whatever - too tired to finish the article. Want to get his video game on. So he asks THE BLACK MAN to finish it. What am I, some kinda servant? Motherfucker, I graduated magnum (yeah, magnum. I SAID IT.) cum laude from MATC and you're failin' your way through UW-Crackerson! Well, I tell you what. I am gonna help you out. Gonna help you out by pointing out how RACIST you is. Black Ranger's a motherfucking hero to true black people.

 

Myspace Loser Week 81

 

Myspace Loser Week 81: Lil Rail

by: Nerdlinger and Josiah X

2008-03-02

Okay, so I lied in Myspace 79. I did do the monumental Myspace 80, but Doom was still part of it to keep some prestige to the article and to keep me in line. I apologize to my faithful readers who sent in angry emails to the site in response to the false news I reported. In reality, though, I'm beginning to grow tired as the head of the Madison Division, being the go-to guy for Doom for these articles. They've made me weary, as each and every last one of these Myspace Losers are blurring into one same person for me.

 

Myspace Loser Week 80

 

Myspace Loser Week 80: The REAL Kel Mitchell

by: Doom and Nerdlinger

2008-02-25

"WHO LOVES ORANGE SODA?! KEL LOVES ORANGE SODA! Is it true? Mmm hmm... I do! I do! I do-ooo!" Well, there goes to height of Kel Mitchell's stardom. Truly, his "Orange Soda" line is perhaps his most well known through his many years of acting on the children's television network Nickelodeon. And I'll be damned if anything tries to take that away from my memories. These days, though, it seems Kel Mitchell is trying his damnedest, and failing, to keep a spot in the limelight.

 

Myspace Loser Week 79

 

Myspace Loser Week 79: Lemansky

by: Nerdlinger

2008-02-17

The Combichrist song is nice and gives the page a nice feel, it's just that WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE THAT SHIT ON AUTOPLAY?! FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I DON'T WANT TO HAVE YOUR SHIT BLASTING OVER MY PORN (THAT IS PURELY FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES FOR AN ARTICLE I'M DOING) AT ONE OF THE PIVOTAL SCENES! ALLAH DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!

 

Myspace Loser Week 78

 

Myspace Loser Week 78: Short Shorts

by: Nerdlinger and Todd Howard

2008-02-10

Todd Howard: Guys. Guys. Guys. This Myspace, guys. What is this Myspace Loser, guys, seriously, guys, guys. Short Shorts? They're also known as Todd Howard's first love, guys. Even more than Fallout or Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel, I love short shorts, guys. Seriously. There's just something about them, guys, that makes me, guys. I don't know what it is, seriously, but I know it's something. That's why this Myspace, guys, is so disappointing, guys.

 

Myspace Loser Week 77

 

Myspace Loser Week 77: Cloverfield

by: Nerdlinger and Ed Gein

2008-02-03

WHIMMY WHAM WHAM WOZZLE! What's up, party dudes?! This is the original Party Worm™, Slurms McKenzie™, here to introduce you all to this week's MySpace Loser! Now, when I'm not partying every night for Slurm™ ("It's Highly Addictive!"), I enjoy watching the awesome movie that today's youth loves! That's why I can't think of any movie better for my and Slurm's™ endorsement than the smash hit "Cloverfield"! Now, there are a few un-cool dudes in the bunch who don't like the movie, so they're here to harsh my groove as they jive on about the Cloverfield Movie Myspace page! Slurms™ out, and keep on partying, dudes!

 

Myspace Loser Week 76

 

Myspace Loser Week 76: Graffux

by: Nerdlinger

2008-01-27

Now, let me first get one thing off my chest about this man's page. IT. TAKES. FUCKING. FOREVER. TO. LOAD. There, that's all that needs to be said. It seems that "RoNnIE" over here thinks it's cool that it takes 5 minutes for someone with a cable modem to load his page.

 

Myspace Loser Week 75

 

Myspace Loser Week 75: Dwayne the Dream Psychic

by: Doom and Rammspieler

2008-01-20

75 Myspace Loser of the Week articles. Wow. That is a lot. It'd be even more if we stayed on schedule more often and did one for every week the feature's been in practice (which would amount to nearly 100). But nevertheless. It's something of an accomplish. Thus, to mark the occasion there is the need to find a special Loser to skewer. We decided against a retread of one of the more memorable Losers because that'd be craven recycling of material we already did 1-2 years ago. So I had to scour my ever dwindling list of options.

 

Myspace Loser Week 74

 

Myspace Loser Week 74: The Flying JimJim

by: Lemansky

2008-01-13

Still, the question of why I would suddenly give up on him when this has been going on for quite a while is a pertinent one, and the answer is....I got fucking sick of his moronic shit talking.

 

Myspace Loser Week 73

 

Myspace Loser Week 73: UR BOI KIKO

by: Doom

2008-01-06

What the FUCK is this cracker bullshit. What...he ain't a cracka? He some sorta Latino Hispanic? Well, he's just as bad! I don't like those motherfuckers either. You know what he is. He's a motherfucking spigger - a spic who's trying to steal our culture AND our jobs. You can steal either, you fuckin' identityless pawn of Whitey, but not both. We black folk need our jobs or our culture; we can't do without both of it. I suggest the blacks keep everything and I KILL ALL Y'ALL MOTHERFUCKERS INSTEAD.

 

Myspace Loser Week 72

 

Myspace Loser Week 72: Sascha Konietzko

by: En Esch

2007-12-30

The Daily Raider cruelly mocked my Myspace last week and I felt I must take drastic action to respond to it. Thus, I struck a deal with Doom of the Daily Raider: he would be able to keep up that article of libel up on his website if I was able to rebut it by doing a Myspace Loser of the Week of my own. Since Guenter does not have a Myspace because his Myspace would not fit within the resolution of the largest monitor, I have chosen Sascha Konietzko. Yes, the very same Sascha Konietzko whose band I quit over 8 years ago.

 

Myspace Loser Week 71

 

Myspace Loser Week 71: En Esch

by: Doom

2007-12-23

En Esch is one half of Slick Idiot, or less than one half if you go by weight (Guenter Schulz is, like, easily 3/4ths the band). Thus, as part of Slick Idiot, he must prostitute himself everywhere for both work and recognition. Of course, one of these prostitution venues is invariably Myspace. Myspace allows for hack musicians the world over to increase the potential audience for their work. It hasn't yet positively impacted Slick Idiot, yet I believe En Esch thinks it will. He thinks if he pimps shit on Myspace enough all of his couple hundred Myspace buddies will buy his shit and thus won't force him and Schulz to do another ridiculous 'you must buy 8 CDs at $40 or else we can't print them up' display of poverty.

 

Myspace Loser Week 70

 

Myspace Loser Week 70: Yeah Sports!

by: Nerdlinger

2007-12-16

GOD DAMN IT! WHY?! WHY?! WHY?! He's just furthering my stereotypes of YEAH SPORTS! guys even more so now with this crap. Now it seems JHWK is in the category "Will Ferrell! Yelling! Funny! MAKE CRUNK LAUGH! AH HA HA HA!" He further propagates the myth that Will Ferrel is funny, much like every college student who furthers along Dane Cook's career. This is getting to a point where I don't even feel like continuing on with this shit. I mean, 13 year old boys find Will Ferrell's style of humor funny; grown men shouldn't.

 

Myspace Loser Week 69

 

Myspace Loser Week 69: Ron Paul Goth

by: Doom and Malice

2007-12-09

Yes, you read that right. Ron Paul...Goth. Ron Paul Goth. Ron Paul Goth? Ron Paul Goth! Holy shit. The universe must be collapsing in on itself. If you thought last week's Hispanics for Ron Paul made no sense, then wait until you fucking try handling the cognitive dissonance of a Goth going for a guy who probably decries Goth culture as "faggots" or "faggot niggers". Possibly "nigger faggots".

 

Myspace Loser Week 68

 

Myspace Loser Week 68: Hispanics for Ron Paul

by: Rammspieler

2007-12-02

There are times in one's life when something totally unexpected and yet so fortunate occurs, such that one would be stupid not to take advantage of the situation. However, there are times when in order to take advantage of such a situation, one must make a sacrifice. In the case of this week's Loser, the sacrifice was a bit of my dignity.

 

Myspace Loser Week 67

 

Myspace Loser Week 67: Zombie Megan Meier

by: Doom

2007-11-25

Haynes Lee alternajoke: Legend of the Dogfaced Suicide

 

Myspace Loser Week 66

 

Myspace Loser Week 66: C-Mac

by: Bruce Banner/The Hulk and Nerdlinger

2007-11-18

C-Mac. C-Mac is a confusing fellow at first. He bears a striking resemblance to exiled staff writer Captain Canuck, he states his age as 25 despite clearly being several years younger, he wants to meet a child of Frank Zappa and yet not Zappa himself (Myspace wants are not known to conform to the timeline of linear events), and he speaks in the worst dialect known to man: white trash ghetto speak.

 

Myspace Loser Week 65

 

Myspace Loser Week 65: Crazy Ron Paul Fan

by: Dizz

2007-11-11

So yeah, we can obviously see he's convinced Ron Paul will win the election and/or is something other than a crazy old man completely unfit for any position except one in the nursing home or the grave. Also, we can see he's a Libertarian judging by the Rand in his books. I guess that can explain the insane love for a Libertarian dipshit, since only another Libertarian could see one as something other than batshit insane. You can notice he thinks he's a filmmaker, although he's only made one 3 minute video on there and it has since been deleted to make way for the abomination of Ron Paul support.

 

Myspace Loser Week 64

 

Myspace Loser Week 64: Ashton Flowers

by: Dizz

2007-11-04

[12:16] ashtonflowers_15@hotmail.com: u know wat 69 is

[12:16] jessleninsmith@yahoo.com: Yup.

[12:17] jessleninsmith@yahoo.com: Done that, too.

[12:17] ashtonflowers_15@hotmail.com: wat is that

 

Myspace Loser Week 63

 

Myspace Loser Week 63: Lester

by: Dizz

2007-10-28

Texas is definitely one of those topics of eternal discussion for us at the Raider. I mean, what other state has high schools which exist for the sole purpose of churning out football players? As such, we rarely, if ever, pass up an opportunity to mock Texans and in this case we have a double whammy: Texan and A PROBABLE CHILD MOLESTER!

 

Myspace Loser Week 62

 

Myspace Loser Week 62: Chicano de Atzlan

by: Doom and Rammspieler

2007-10-21

HOLY SHIT THEY WANT TO SET THE BORDER ON FIRE I THINK

 

Myspace Loser Week 61

 

Myspace Loser Week 61: Jason

by: Rammspieler

2007-10-14

You know, when he posted this little tidbit, I thought his hilariously outdated sense of honor would prevent him from coming back. In fact, I almost kinda got worried because if he wasn't around, then what would be the use of making this write-up on the man who once deemed me to be 'without honor' because I told him the truth once?

 

Myspace Loser Week 60

 

Myspace Loser Week 60: Scorparius

by: Fat Rights Activist

2007-10-07

I feel sorry for her because of how unhealthy she looks. Her stomach doesn't jut out of her pants like mine does, nor do her arms seem to have any emergency fat. What's the deal with all these people consciously trying to look physically attractive?

 

Myspace Loser Week 59

 

Myspace Loser Week 59: Steve Niles

by: Steve Niles

2007-09-30

Steve Niles, the TRUE Steve Niles, also doesn't hype up 30 Days of Night. Why? Because THERE'S NO NEED TO HYPE SOMETHING EVERYONE LOVES. STEVE NILES ALREADY KNOWS YOU'RE GOING TO SEE THE MOVIE. If you're not going to see the movie, Steve Niles has already gone back in time and raped your girlfriend, mother and every other female bitch you know. AND given them AIDS. That's just a fact you can't change because only I can go back in time thanks to my penis HAVING A TIME MACHINE INSIDE OF IT. MY TESTICLES CONTROL THE TIME PERIOD AND THE GEOGRAPHIC LOCATION!

 

Myspace Loser Week 58

 

Myspace Loser Week 58: Rammspieler

by: Blitz Niggardly

2007-09-23

Now, why would the Germans want a spic to do their dirty work? Hide in plain sight, my friends, hide in plain sight. See, the Germans count on us thinking spics associate with Al Qaeda and NOT Germany. A clever chess move, don't you think? Taking us off the scent by using a subhuman class known for their ties to Arabic terrorists and the Bizarro Illuminati. But I don't buy it. No, I know the truth: Puerto Ricans are not Mexicans, and the Puerto Ricans have no ties to the Bizarro Illuminati.

 

Myspace Loser Week 57

 

Myspace Loser Week 57: 9/11 Truth

by: Doom

2007-09-15

The question of "Does Al-Qaeda exist" is specious, even for a dissenter such as myself. "Is Al-Qaeda an independent entity, or is it just a puppet group backed by the United States to ferment radical Islam as well as force the United States people into supporting increased militarism" makes more sense as a question. It's based on historical fact (U.S. training Afghans in the 80s to fend off Soviet advances). Questioning whether the group exists at all, well, it seems kinda similar to the people who say fossils don't exist and were planted there by Satan.

 

Myspace Loser Week 56

 

Myspace Loser Week 56: Candice

by: Stan Lee, Doom, Steve Ditko and Artie Simek

2007-09-09

Steve Ditko: Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down new roads armed with nothing but their own vision. Their goals differed, but they all had this in common: that the step was first, the road new, the vision unborrowed, and the response they received--hatred. The great creators--the thinkers, the artists, the scientists, the inventors--stood alone against the men of their time. Every great new thought was opposed. Every great new invention was denounced. The first motor was considered foolish. The first airplane was considered impossible. The power loom was considered vicious. Anesthesia was considered sinful. But the men of unborrowed vision went ahead. They fought, they suffered and they paid. But they won.

 

Myspace Loser Week 55

 

Myspace Loser Week 55: Polish Nazi

by: Doom

2007-08-28

Poland ruins everything as usual. They ruined beer, they ruined communism, and now they're ruining the burgeoning racism in Europe by turning it into a prolonged joke. Way to go, assholes! Now the fine work of the people at Stormfront will still go to waste and the world will never have a chance to see what it'd be like without any of the racial groups that contributed everything worthwhile to the world. United Nazi forces of the mother's basement brigade, I advise you guys to invade Poland again. They need a lesson taught to them.

 

Myspace Loser Week 54

 

Myspace Loser Week 54: Gail Sommers

by: Doom

2007-08-21

Man, if Dizz can't play Devil's Advocate for a former possession of the British Empire, you know they suck. You especially know a person sucks when a majority of the space allotted to insulting them is used to insult a shitty former possession of the British Empire. She's bland, folks. So bland, in fact, that I couldn't squeeze any comedy out of the inherent tragicomedy of her self-deluded, pathetic friends.

 

Myspace Loser Week 53

 

Myspace Loser Week 53: Jarhead #147

by: Rammspieler

2007-08-03

Whine, whine, whine, whine, WHINER! From what I can tell, apparently Jowers was most likely one of those recruits who were hoping to get an easy desk job assignment and shuffle paperwork FOR UNCLE SAM! But the realities of a post-9/11 world hit him and he ends up in Iraq not once, but twice thanks to President Magilla. Because who else would boast about how they are going to free the world of Sandniggers while at the same time expressing fear about the chances they could find themselves on the receiving end of an RPG launcher?

 

Myspace Loser Week 52

 

Myspace Loser Week 52: Doom

by: The Fanboy

2007-07-26

Look at that. Look at that. I've never been sickened so much in all my life, except whenever Marvel comes out with new comic book solicitations. First, his display name. It is in no way clever, and it comes off as very rude. I do not want to suck his Vic, or anyone's Vic for that matter (maybe if Power Girl had a Vic...). This just underscores the contempt Doom has for his fans and the human race in general. The Doom I REMEMBER used to have a combative relationship with people, yes, but ultimately he wanted to change the world for the better, not wallow in his own hatred.

 

Myspace Loser Week 51

 

Myspace Loser Week 51: Bisexual Juggalette 4 Life

by: Doom

2007-07-15

Let's start with the name - "Bisexual Juggalette 4 Life". Bisexual means she is one of those apparently trendy teenagers who believes in bisexuality despite only doing it to turn other guys on. Notice the profile says she's in love with a guy, and they have been dating for a couple of years. Yep, fad bisexuality at its finest! You know what Jugglalette signifies. Either she'll become the trailer trash wife to some cracker idiot, or she'll end up being the girlfriend of a Juggalo nutcase who assaults a bar of gay people.

 

Myspace Loser Week 50

 

Myspace Loser Week 50: Tyler the Cop Killah

by: Rammspieler

2007-07-04

However, that doesn't excuse Tyler for being yet another dipshit teen. I mean seriously. Who in this day and age listens to 60's rock besides hippies, middle aged yuppies and indie douchebags? Jim Morrison was just another drugged out loser until Oliver Stone transferred him to the silver screen.

 

Myspace Loser Week 49

 

Myspace Loser Week 49: Gamers

by: Doom, Rammspieler and Generalissimo Furioso

2007-06-24

I think Dwayne here confuses what kind of RPGs appeal to the segments of the population not already drinking down the Xbox360 Kool-Aid. For example, even the sales of Blue Dragon in Japan have led to Xbox360 earning a sales spot anywhere close to respectable. Shit, they're still below the PS3 in Japan, and Sony is massively underperforming. Additionally, listing Too Human as a potential RPG is a misnomer when it's not near completion yet (will it ever be? Who knows!).

 

Myspace Loser Week 48

 

Myspace Loser Week 48: Joni Estrella Martinez

by: Dizz

2007-06-02

First thing you will notice is that she is absolutely OBSESSED with her fucking kid, as opposed to ashamed for being stupid enough to get knocked up in the first place and not realizing that the kid would probably be better off not alive. As opposed to the alternative: having a retarded mom attempting to take care of him and ending up spoiling him. Her grandmother will probably have to adopt him and all the other kids this fuck up manages to make.

 

Myspace Loser Week 47

 

Myspace Loser Week 47: The Simpsons

by: Doom

2007-05-21

The Simpsons destroyed comedy as we know it! And now the Simpsons has started sucking on Myspace. I knew they'd stop being good and continuity-friendly once Mike "The Destroyer" Scully started executive producing the page. The Simpsons Myspace page used to be so much more...emotional, you know? Now it's all a bunch of wacky video clips and mean jerkass Homer crap. I remember when Myspace was a young website, and the only people who were on there really cared about the quality of their pages. They had emotion and substance. Now it's all just glitz and glamour to sate the dumb public.

 

Myspace Loser Week 46

 

Myspace Loser Week 46: Marlon

by: Rammspieler

2007-05-02

What deeper expression of love can there be than a cheesy photoshop of a pic from my sister's profile! Actually, I'm showing this pic to see if I can auction her off for the night and make enough money so I can make it to Raidercon this summer over at Daily Raider world HQ in Doom's basement. The bidding starts at $100. Do I hear $150? $250? C'mon Marlon, I know I'm thrashing you here, buddy, but I really need the money! Anybody want to put up $1000?

 

Myspace Loser Week 45

 

Myspace Loser Week 45: Sorry Mutha Fucka Adios Part Deux

by: Dizz

2007-03-14

Recently two Hispanic students decided they wanted to fuck, so they went into the bathroom and did it. Some people walked in on them and they got in trouble. Of course, given that we go to a small school, word spread like wildfire and thus there was even a topic on the school's Myspace listing. Of course, SORRY MUTHA FUCKA ADIOS had to get his two cents in and let everyone know how gross it is when two spics fuck. TOTALLY NOT RACIST!!!!

 

Myspace Loser Week 44

 

Myspace Loser Week 44: Phantom Simba

by: Doom

2007-02-28

First things first: the name. Phantom Simba. The second word implies a love of The Lion King, which the profile confirms later. I can understand liking the Hamlet-with-annoying-songs at age 6, but 19 is way too fucking old for what amounts to a less violent, less exciting, less narratively strong version of a Shakespeare play. You never see someone professing a love for Kim Possible Presents MacBeth, do you? I don't fucking think so.

 

Myspace Loser Week 43

 

Myspace Loser Week 43: Youth Action Coalition

by: Doom

2007-02-17

Their ideology, predictably, follows the standard center-left playbook. Bush lied, they died, we need fair trade, stop imperialism (where were these fucks during Clinton's 90's, I wonder), hey isn't Obama great, the sort of quasi-Marxist-in-a-hilariously-sanitized-way shit you predict before even needing to see the fucks in action. Maybe if all these useless shit organizations united under one banner they'd be a threat to capitalism and government (as much as peaceful protesters can be, anyway), but as it stands, they've got nothing in terms of clout. Watch out, WTO, the YAC might throw a protest and...um...speak badly of you in wishy-washy terms or something!

 

Myspace Loser Week 42

 

Myspace Loser Week 42: Islamofascist

by: Rammspieler

2007-02-10

I see, I see what you're doing here, spic. Spicspieler. You're trying to bash THE BLACK MAN for a religion he originally created! That's right! No fucking Arabs had anything to do with creating Islam! All created by the black man, I'm proud to say. Mohammed? White man propaganda. The REAL prophet was Tyrone of East Harlem in 1982. He heard the word of Allah and recorded it on the mixtape "Best of Harlem Underground Vol. 5". I'll admit Islam is the religion of war...against THE WHITE MAN, the true enemy of the planet Earth, progress and rap music.

 

Myspace Loser Week 41

 

Myspace Loser Week 41: JDPLVY

by: Rammspieler

2007-01-31

"Poor Dave! Always the one who ends up with the short stick in life because those mean people won't stop making fun of him with their constant plea's for him to leave them alone!" This is basically the gist of about 99% of Dave's blog material. He complains that people have it for him, yet he fails to realize that either he's being paranoid or if he would stop acting like a stupid asshole to people, then maybe he wouldn't be the perpetual flamebait that he is (although he is a troll and pretty much deserves the flamings).

 

Myspace Loser Week 40

 

Myspace Loser Week 40: Marine Corps!

by: Doom

2007-01-25

Your eyes do not deceive you. The military has indeed entered into the realm of Myspace as their latest tool to tricking young men into sacrificing their lives to the oilmen. In one respect, it's fucking hilarious. Myspace losers? Fighting terra in the desert? Jesus Christ, these people complain when someone takes them off their Top 8. The prospect of them trying to create chaos/order/oil money in Iraq amuses me to no end. You ain't seen nothing yet if you thought Vietnam's unprepared drafted troops would be the most unmotivated, cowardly and stupid troops to serve in a United States initiated conflict.

 

Myspace Loser Week 39

 

Myspace Loser Week 39: Postie

by: Doom

2007-01-09

Leading the charge of pure evil mascots is none other than the symbol for the shittiest paper on UWM's campus, Postie, the UWM Post talking newspaper...thing. Don't ask me what the fuck it is beyond a WALKING NIGHTMARE. Somehow, the monster registered a Myspace page. DAMN YOU NEWS CORP, WHY DO YOU LET PAIN BE DOLED OUT AT RANDOM INTERVALS BY FREAKISH ANTHROPOMORPHIC NEWSPRINT?!?!

 

Myspace Loser Week 38

 

Myspace Loser Week 38: Gears of War

by: Doom, Rammspieler, Bruce Banner and Generalissimo Furioso

2007-01-03

Explosions! Thrills! Explosions! A "deep storyline"! Explosions! Blood! Explosions! Multiplayer support for up to 8 players on Xbox Live! Explosions! Thinly veiled substitute for terrorists in the form of aliens from beneath the Earth! Explosions! All that and more was thoroughly mocked in our no less than two reviews for the game and while we feel that our reviews have done the gaming world justice, they did not however fully expose the other aspect of what makes Gears of War the "overhyped and rushed piece of garbage because Bungie did not finish the original piece of overhyped garbage (Halo 3) in time" that it is. The fucking fanboys.

 

Myspace Loser Week 37

 

Myspace Loser Week 37: Playboy

by: Doom

2006-12-25

I should probably the address the Italian gangster angle, so here goes: Italian gangsters, in current form, are not cool in any way. The days of the mafia regulating everything, the days of J. Edgar Hoover denying the mafia existed while they held onto pictures of Hoover wearing a dress, the days of The Godfather and Goodfellas? Yes. Yes, the mafia was cool then. Now? Not so much. The mafia isn't in the spotlight anymore, so Italian kids' claims of their family being instrumental in the mafia does not inspire fear anymore. The Russians and the Armenians and the blacks are far more intimidating than a bunch of pizza eating meatballs.

 

Myspace Loser Week 36

 

Myspace Loser Week 36: Sadie

by: Doom

2006-12-10

Sadie hits all the targets for 'impending white trash'. She has vapid, idiot female friends and douchebaggy skater idiot asshole male friends. She pretends these 'people' are in some way contributing to existence as opposed to being black holes of mental thought (as we all know they are). The arrogant kinda sad-kinda hilarious irony of white trash, too. You know, the "I'm a star" or "I'm a success" or "I won't end up with 5 kids by age 22 and I won't have my dreams shattered in favor of living with a dime store Kevin Federline". Things of sufficient irony that have a slightly better chance of happening than Hell freezing over or Rush Limbaugh becoming a world class bodybuilder.

 

Myspace Loser Week 35

 

Myspace Loser Week 35: Lindy

by: Doom and Rammspieler

2006-12-04

Boys and girls, meet Lindy. The vaguely Hispanic looking, super impatient and voyeuristic pretentious fuck and possible extra from The OC. I wish I could comment more about this particular section of her profile, but one thing we do know about Lindy, like all women, is that she has a big as fuck ego, as can be ascertained by the lack of any real details on her profile and her filling it up with pictures of herself. Attention whore alert!

 

Myspace Loser Week 34

 

Myspace Loser Week 34: Machacek

by: Dizz and Keno

2006-11-22

As for TV...well, let's see:

  • Family Guy = Gay
  • Drive = Gay
  • Robot Chicken = Gay
  • Andy Milonakis = Fat and Gay
  • X Games = Extremely Gay
  • MTV = Gay Whoredom
  • Jackass = Gay
  •  

    Myspace Loser Week 33

     

    Myspace Loser Week 33: Cobra1237

    by: Doom and Rammspieler

    2006-11-13

    Cobra has all the required markings and attributes of a true suburban redneck cracker. Redneck crackers who have the luxury of living miles away from black people indulge in tricked out expensive-for-no-Goddamn-reason cars (his favorite is the Volkswagen...I bet his ashtray is made of Jewish bones), white whine rock, testosterone fueled homoerotic action pictures of the 80's and 90's (anything involving Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone), love of contributing to the country's obesity problem, and fearful reactionary social conservative views.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 32

     

    Myspace Loser Week 32: Model4Christ

    by: Doom and Chuck Austen

    2006-10-28

    My standards typically fall under the 'low' category. Not because I don't have good taste, but because I don't really care to wait for a chick who's almost on the same intellectual level as myself. Why bother when it's so much easier to find an attractive, dumb chick? There's no real downside except for maybe listening to them prattle on about God knows what before and after sex. Earplugs solve that problem, though, so in fact there is no downside.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 31

     

    Myspace Loser Week 31: Brian Michael Bendis

    by: The Fanboy

    2006-10-21

    As expected Bendis decompresses his Myspace to a huge extent. If Stan Lee wrote this (not that he ever would since Stan isn't a continuity hating rapist of characters), he could have the Myspace page take place in 3 panels rather than an entire page. I can't see why fans willingly let Bendis scoop this garbage into their mouths month in and month out for little to no returns. Back when true pioneers made Myspace pages, action AND characterization happened, not just a lot of talking heads and dialogue and so on. I remember Roy Thomas' Myspace, back when they called them Timely Rotoscopes, every update, a new fight with his erstwhile foe Bill Everett.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 30

     

    Myspace Loser Week 30: I Are Coop

    by: Doom and Rammspieler

    2006-10-14

    A good way to determine someone's personality and overall feel is by looking at the company he or she keeps. Well, going by the company, I Are Coop notches himself down from "Downs Syndrome Patient" to "McMurphy at the End of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Only Even Less Brain Activity Occurs".

     

    Myspace Loser Week 29

     

    Myspace Loser Week 29: Fagnime

    by: Doom and Rammspieler

    2006-10-07

    Besides his declaration of voluntary mental instability, we see that like most otaku, his tastes are pretty much hit and miss. I'll give him credit for being a Clerks, Akira and Spaceballs fan. But when he mentions a liking for such cinematic classics like Napoleon Dynamite, X3 and a Will Ferrell comedy, we know that there is no turning back, people. Fun fact: The only time you will see a purportedly straight American male admit to liking pop music is when he says that he likes J-Pop, "Because it's like, totally in Japanese and therefore it is cool!" Never mind listing J-Rock.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 28

     

    Myspace Loser Week 28: Psycohol

    by: Bruce Banner/The Hulk

    2006-09-30

    HULK HATE STRAIGHT EDGE PEOPLE! STRAIGHT EDGE PEOPLE ARE WUSSES AND YOU KNOW WHO ELSE HULK HATES! WUSSES! "OH LOOK AT ME I AM STRAIGHT EDGE LOSER WATCH ME NOT DO ANYTHING FUN AND THEN WHINE ABOUT NEVER DOING ANYTHING FUN IN MY LIVEJOURNAL! HERE'S A TIP, LOSERHOL, GIRLS LIKE DRUGS AND SEX AND ALCOHOL! WHEN THEY ASK FOR IT, NOT WHEN IT'S GIVEN TO THEM BY FORCE OR TRICKS BUT STILL! HULK GET LOTS OF LADIES AS JOE FIXIT, GREATEST DRINK MIXER IN ALL OF LAS VEGAS! HOW MANY GIRLS DOES PSYCOHOL SNAG? NONE!

     

    Myspace Loser Week 27

     

    Myspace Loser Week 27: Clown Boy

    by: Doom

    2006-09-24

    Uh oh, Dad's Minutemen brigade is shipping out to Qatar to kick the asses of some foreigners on their own foreign soil. First of all, who the Hell serves in Qatar. The place is smaller than New York City, less Jewish, and is notable only in how it plays both sides - aids in Hurricane Katrina disaster relief AND supports Hamas. I could be the entire peacekeeping force in Qatar. Second of all, the irony he cites isn't very ironic at all! STOP MISINTERPRETING NON-IRONIC THINGS AS IRONIC THINGS, YOU FUCKING REDNECK JACKASS.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 26

     

    Myspace Loser Week 26: Dan Brown AKA Anal Scurvy

    by: Steve Niles

    2006-09-17

    In terms of other interests, ANAL SCURVY CONTINUES TO BE THE WHITEST LEAST HARDCORE SON OF A BITCH ON THE PLANET! Cars? What, can't Anal Scurvy fly using his JET-FEET LIKE STEVE NILES?! Friends? LIKE THIS FAG HAS ANY OTHER THAN HIS MOM AND HIS NONEXISTENT DICK! Chillin'? STEVE NILES IS ICE COLD IN A WAY YOU'LL NEVER BE! STEVE NILES CAN FREEZE SHIT WITH HIS MIND, CAN YOU? I DON'T THINK SO, FAG!

     

    Myspace Loser Week 25

     

    Myspace Loser Week 25: Fagberto

    by: Steve Niles

    2006-09-09

    If anything, the interests DOMO ARIGOTO MR. CUMGOTO entered on his page only prove STEVE BADASS NILES' point MORE. Favorite movie: BLOW, which TOUGH AS NILES BELIEVES IS A MOVIE ABOUT BLOWING GUYS! Jesus Fucking Niles, why not put BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN OR THE PIRATES OF THE COCKIBBEAN ON THE LIST TOO?!?!

     

    Myspace Loser Week 24

     

    Myspace Loser Week 24: Chrissy

    by: Steve Niles

    2006-09-03

    STEVE NILES RECOMMENDED DEATH FOR CHRISSY: LET HIM GO BOBBING FOR COCKS ONLY FILL THE BARREL WITH EXPLOSIVES SO WHEN HE LATCHES ON TO A COCK HE FUCKING EXPLODES!!!

     

    Myspace Loser Week 23

     

    Myspace Loser Week 23: Girl Pants

    by: Steve Niles

    2006-08-26

    If Steve Niles was right there while Dickless was taking his (?) picture, he'd kick Gayboy's ass, using a baseball bat, and then jam a fork up his ass, teaching him WHY YOU DON'T FUCKING PUT DICKS IN YOUR ASS UNLESS YOU'RE STEVE NILES' 3RD WIVE. AND STEVE NILES ONLY FUCKED HER IN THE ASS CAUSE HER PUSSY EXPLODED A WHILE BACK WHEN STEVE NILES NEEDED TO USE A MOTHERFUCKING CONDOM MADE OUT OF FUCKING DYNAMITE!

     

    Myspace Loser Week 22

     

    Myspace Loser Week 22: Freak12

    by: Doom and Dizz

    2006-08-20

    As a fellow who divulges in the wonders of drugs on an infrequent basis, I still know the general effects given by drugs, be it garden variety marijuana to the more psyche damaging LSD, Salvia and DXM. Looking over this fellow's Myspace page reminds me of a particularly discouraging trip I once had, a cacophony of sounds and rushing images, completely nonsensical in their format, tone and chronology, each second a nail to my head.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 21

     

    Myspace Loser Week 21: World of Warcraft

    by: Doom and Rammspieler

    2006-08-14

    As you can see here, World of Warcraft has crossed over to the dark side in using Myspace to gain even more popularity. Frequent perpetrators of evil such as My Chemical Romance and Dane Cook are also known for perverting social networking sites for their own devious aims. Why would Blizzard, makers of Starcraft and the only real reason to live anymore, stoop so low to promote their MMORPG? I suggest a conspiracy involving the douche founder of Myspace, Dane Cook, Dave Chappelle, and...the Patron Saint of Fanboys. Because really, what purpose does a World of Warcraft Myspace bring to the table? Nothing.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 20

     

    Myspace Loser Week 20: Jeremy the Gay

    by: Expendable Sony Executive #636

    2006-08-06

    Similar to Nintendo and their complete lack of sales, Jeremy only has 25 friends. Compared to a certain Sony supporting Myspace user, earning support of 2549 friends, it's incredibly pathetic and a tinge sad. Speaking of sad, his overall conversational skills appall, quickly explaining why he has no friends. Using "XD" and "X3" do not count as facial expressions; rather, they represent the mind of a fragile freak of nature scratching at the door, yearning to exit.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 19

     

    Myspace Loser Week 19: The Death of Myspace

    by: Doom

    2006-07-29

    2 million results for Myspace on the blog search engine Technorati! Hundreds of losers whining about their Myspace pages not showing up anymore! "Oh no, how shall I bait teenage girls now?!" "How shall I whore myself out on the world wide web now?!" "How shall I write a weekly column on idiotic Myspace pages now?!", it just goes on and on and on.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 18

     

    Myspace Loser Week 18: Harlem Prophet

    by: Rammspieler

    2006-07-21

    You know, in our shower there is this area up on the ceiling where the plaster becomes wet from all the water droplets condensing upon it and forms this image of Jesus Christ and Lenin having anal sex. Is it also a miracle of God? I live in a Hispanic country, so I guess it is.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 17

     

    Myspace Loser Week 17: Insane Clown Nazi

    by: Doom

    2006-07-14

    Best of all, Jekyll had friends. Friends who supported him even after he went crazy, tried to kill some gay people, then killed two people and then himself. I consider myself to be a good friend, but if, say, Banner went on a shooting spree I wouldn't accuse the media of 'distorting' the facts.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 16

     

    Myspace Loser Week 16: Abby the Age Liar

    by: Doom and Rammspieler

    2006-07-05

    Then we ask ourselves why kidnapped white girls is a national obsession. The answer is clearly because parents like Abby's daddy encourage it so that they can become overnight media personalities and gain their 15 minutes of fame, crying the shit out of themselves and begging for the kidnappers to 'put themselves in their shoes' or something.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 15

     

    Myspace Loser Week 15: Lucky Charms McHomosexual

    by: Doom and Rammspieler

    2006-06-26

    Funny, after reading the guy's profile, I wish he was dead too.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 14

     

    Myspace Loser Week 14: Ashleigh

    by: Dizz

    2006-06-14

    Recently she put up a picture of herself, and I was remarkably unsurprised by her severe case of acne and her bulbous facial structure, but sadly there were no large warts or whiskers, or I would have been able to mock her further or possibly compare her to a toad. Still, I would not be surprised if desert conditions in her vagina ended up causing major droughts throughout Hawaii as well as possibly increasing the landmass in that area.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 13

     

    Myspace Loser Week 13: Billy Boy

    by: Doom

    2006-05-29

    The ultimate reason why the world and this country is fucked is that the youth movement isn't anything. There is no youth movement to do anything. A bunch of shiftless layabouts is what they are, more concerned with ringtones than pressing political, environmental, social and foreign concerns. But who really does care about all that rubbish when there's Desperate Housewives to TiVo?!?!?!

     

    Myspace Loser Week 12

     

    Myspace Loser Week 12: The Crimson

    by: Nixon

    2006-05-17

    Speaking of taste, THE CRIMSON has all the greats when it comes to horrid tastes. Yes, American Dad makes his TV list, along with Zach Braff's holocaust Scrubs, and Stripperella, a show proving Stan Lee was suffering from the early stages of Alzheimer's. While I've grown accustomed to people liking American Dad on Myspace, despite no one in real life admitting to touching that show with a 15-foot pole, I thought most people weren't even aware of Stripperella, for that matter liking it.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 11

     

    Myspace Loser Week 11: Carlos Mangual

    by: Rammspieler

    2006-05-10

    So right from the start, from the dubious profile title to the fact that in his 'about me' section, we are told that he's a fan of 'Real Life' comics, we can ascertain that Carlos is the kind of loser that thinks highly of himself because if he decided to write a 'romantic comedy' comic book (that is the first time and I hope the last time where I hear the two terms being used together!), then surely his life must have been noteworthy enough to put into sequential art!

     

    Myspace Loser Week 10

     

    Myspace Loser Week 10: Cipriani

    by: Doom and Rammspieler

    2006-05-04

    Cipriani also shows his love of beer on this page, and in light of that new information, I am even more appalled with him than I was before. Beer is not for drinking. Beer is the drink of commoners, for people who are not good enough to get at the finer drinks like wine, tequila, Irish whiskey, and even good old fashioned drink from the Motherland, Russian Vodka. If you drink beer you are showing that you are unable to handle the finer drinks, and are not even deserving of a second thought.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 9

     

    Myspace Loser Week 9: FBI Sting Operation #524

    by: Doom and Nixon

    2006-04-26

    Today we award Myspace Loser of the Week to the FBI for its attempts to catch pedophiles/weirdos/sexual predators through the fake profile goddess of skulls!x. While, albeit, fairly generic in execution, the size of the friends list clearly proves the FBI is hard at work cleaning out one of the internet's cesspools. This thing has all the markings of a fake profile.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 8

     

    Myspace Loser Week 8: Flora Bush

    by: Doom

    2006-04-14

    Man. Protest rock has never been this grating!

     

    Myspace Loser Week 7

     

    Myspace Loser Week 7: Pat Lee

    by: Doom

    2006-04-05

    2. Always put a little money aside in case of a rainy day. WHAT IT REALLY MEANS: By rainy day he means 'when your company's bankrupt, your employees are unpaid, and you want to keep your fancy car'.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 6

     

    Myspace Loser Week 6: Jordan Powell

    by: Doom and Nixon

    2006-03-29

    There are a few things you should know about Powell: he's a rich white cracker who knows nothing about the struggles of the middle and lower classes, and he's a God freak. God freaks are just that, freaks. Being a practicing Christian is okay, but to bring it up all the time is akin to Tom Cruise bringing up his crazy space alien beliefs all the time: it's uncouth and people will look at you funny, though probably more so in the latter's case.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 5

     

    Myspace Loser Week 5: Stupid Wuss Man

    by: Doom, Rammspieler and Scarecrow

    2006-03-22

    I'll give him credit for one thing though. At least he likes Orgy and that's coming from an industrial metal fan who can only bring himself to like one or two songs out of each album they make because the rest isn't even worth the album price. The rest is surprisingly not indie because half of the bands are played on MTV, like Incubus and Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service. The rest of them just sound fake, like VHS or Beta (no DVD love, indie guys?) and Mirwais.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 4

     

    Myspace Loser Week 4: Usagi Kou

    by: Rammspieler

    2006-03-12

    By the way, she has some pussy of a man for a boyfriend known around the circles as 'mamo-chan' because as I understand it, he resembles Sailor Moon's boyfriend on the show, and Lori will absolutly refuse to have sex with anybody who does not look like that guy! They're an on-again,off-again sort of relationship because he can't stand her and her drama, yet misses the sex, so they get back together again.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 3

     

    Myspace Loser Week 3: Juggalo Brandon

    by: Doom and Nixon

    2006-03-05

    Let's start with the screen name. It has the year he graduated high school, or more likely received his GED, and has the number 69 in it. Oh, and goody, he lists his favorite car. I would have been lost without knowing he loves an Asian automobile that appeals to a very large portion of the youth demographic. As noted he is a Juggalo, which makes him the lowest tier of music fan, sub Phish, even. We didn't find him because of his love of ICP, as it is generally assumed that they are too stupid to even use Myspace.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 2

     

    Myspace Loser Week 2: Lor the Whore

    by: Doom and Rammspieler

    2006-02-27

    We have no idea what underage Jewish girls are doing in Rammspieler's neck of the woods, but that's not the case. The case is that we have found yet another fine example of what happens when you let your kids go online unsupervised. One would think that parents would have learned the lesson by now, but as demonstrated by a recent case in the news of a 13 year old girl who put up her home address on her Myspace account, parents these days are fucking dumb.

     

    Myspace Loser Week 1

     

    Myspace Loser Week 1: Autistic Josh

    by: Doom and Rammspieler

    2006-02-14

    Even if you discount the fact that the layout contains and incorporates the worst animated show since sliced bread, Family Guy, that is a legitimately shoddy design and a genuine eyesore to people who have eyes. Why would you have several Family Guy images overlap into the apocalypse? The only person who could think that "Hey, this is an awesome layout and will certainly lead to me getting friends and some tail" is a colorblind Goddamn idiot.