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Even Though My Opinion Isn't Worth A Fuck: Call For Help 2.0 On G4
by Scarecrow
A few years back, there was a little digital cable channel by the name of "TechTV". It was entertaining and actually informative (Hell, I wouldn't be typing this article if it were not for TechTV, I practically learned how to build a computer from it) something which is very rare in this day and age. It had many great programs, such as: The Screensavers, Call For Help (OG!), X-Play (when it was good), Fresh Gear, Tech Live, the list goes on and on. Well, that all changed one fateful summer when a "gaming" channel that absolutely no one had heard of bought out TechTV. The channel, "G4", whose name I can conjure no semblance of sense out of no matter how hard I try (Gamers 4, was Ben Grimm an original member of the channel? Game For? But for who?), raped TTV. What they birthed was an inbred, red-haired little fuck with a lame-ass name that nobody liked and beat up all the time: G4TechTV. Their ill-advised Child Conceived Out Of Lust, only lasted until January 2005, where at that point the channel decided to cut its losses and revert back to just G4.
G4 hates this man and his wicked agenda: entertaining television
Now, yes, I'm aware that this site has traversed the topic of this controversy enough that there's not even a horse left to beat. However, one of the most shocking developments yet has just come to light. For those of you who are suffering from an irrational fear of expletives: Call For Help 2.0 is going to air on G4. Now, a little exposition is needed to fully understand the gravity of the situation ( When you're living my life, this is what matters, the fate of a 3rd tier dead channel and everything involving it). After the first wave of lay-offs by G4 management of TechTV staff, Leo Laporte (The almost "father-figure" of TTV) was of course let go. Why, do you ask? Well, because he's over the age of 22 so it's completely impossible for him to connect with the "edgy, hipster" age group G4 is moronically trying to grab the attention of, obviously. As soon as he was fired, he was offered to do Call For Help (which for all intents and purposes, was his show) up in Toronto for G4TechTV Canada, which is a completely separate entity owned by Rogers (all you need to know is that they are a cable company that is not Comcast). Like most things in Canada, G4TechTV was vastly superior to it's American counter-part and has an even balance of video game and tech programming. Although it's no longer a live show, it's still better than anything G4 offers by far. Thus... Call For Help 2.0 was born.
Yoshi: Sadly, not an anthropomorphic green dinosaur
Laporte also went on to start a podcast titled "This Week in Tech", co-hosting alongside old TechTV alumni such as Patrick Norton, Kevin Rose, Yoshi, David Prager, and Roger Chang. Here, the "community" feel of the old TTV days was restored. One of the reasons I enjoyed TechTV outside of it's quality programming was the fact that all the hosts genuinely liked each other and were all good friends. Hell, Kevin, Sarah and Dan all lived together (Kevin and Dan now have moved back to SF and are living with 3 other TTV veterans) at some point and Leo and Pat have been best friends for years. It's quite unique, actually. I've never come across something like it, certainly not on another TV channel. I've never seen Connie Chung garner such a fanbase, that's for sure. People will freak out when they see an ex-host on another's moblog (which happens often). It's nice to hear their plans for the future as they involve all of them now meeting up for a live show on a weekly schedule.
Anyway, TWiT has had some great sessions of G4 bashing, as Leo is far from shy about his feelings for the company. So, all is right in the community of TTV, right? TWiT's the #1 podcast in the country and deservedly so, Diggnation with Kevin Rose and Alex Albrecht is informative one minute and hysterical the next and Systm also featuring Krose and his comic foil Dan Huard is a little slow-coming and heavily-scripted but it's getting downloaded like gangbusters (Because there's nothing hotter at the moment, online...than gangbusters that is). Sure, we would all love to have CFH 2.0 airing in the states... what's that, is that an internet rumor I see there? Why, yes it is! After a couple of weeks of endless speculation after Laporte posted a cryptic update on the TWiT website concerning CFH 2.0, he finally relented (he was waiting out the "other end" to come out with a press release but of course they didn't feel like it) and announced that Call For Help was to be aired in the states starting August 29! My initial reaction consisted of this: "I can't believe this, this is awesome! Hoora...(reads on)...THE FUCK?! That didn't say G4 did it? Nah, it'd be way too cruelly ironic to air on, FUCK THAT DOES SAY G4!!". Many expletives followed but the Raider doesn't have the bandwidth to handle a file large enough to take note of them all.
"Did somebody say Nintendo? WELL THEY FUCKING BETTER NOT HAVE!!"
Needless to say, I was a tad skeptical before passing any actual judgment on this whole situation. After hours upon hours of research, close studying of details, and deliberation with other like-minded experts on the subject I came to this earth-shattering conclusion: "Man, this really fucking sucks!". The worst part, I'd say are those "little details". BULLETED LIST AWAY!
- It is to air at 11am Eastern time on weekdays and 7 am weekends.
- G4 will be starting their run with 4 months of back logged episodes
- It's airing on G4
- There's no way in hell it'll last any longer than three weeks
One might ask (quite rightfully so) "Why in God's name is G4 doing this?". Well, honestly, from where I'm standing it seems like it's out of pure hatred. The uproar was deafening when the original was canceled, maybe G4 wants so little to do with
TechTV and everything involving it that they will actually buy the show just to cancel it (Which is a little played out for them at this point, they did it with every other TTV show). That or Leo Laporte is somehow the ancestor of a witch who G4 execs need the blood of to summon their next show out of Hell.
There's not much left to be said. This is one of the strangest announces I've heard yet concerning G4 (that's saying quite a lot, anyone else ever watch Street Fury or that press release when AOTS came out saying how it was more "Firefox" than "Explorer"? Ah... what a bunch of jackasses). The only positive of this entire debacle is that Call For Help 2.0 (since it's just being bought for distribution in America, G4 has no control over content) won't have the hosts replaced and the show renamed to "The Super, Edgy, Hip, Ironic But In A Totally Cool Way Insert Star Wars Reference Here Show!". If not for anything else, it will most likely go down in geek history as the catalyst of the fire bombing of G4 offices. Viva la Resistance!
Kevin Rose is also reportedly going to become a regular on CFH 2.0.... One day vyralsurfer and I will fight to the death for the much vaunted and semi-homoerotic position of "Top Krose Fanboy"