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Welcome to Myspace Loser of the Week!
by Doom and Rammspieler
Hello all and welcome back to another edition of the Daily Raider's Myspace Loser of the Week. We've had a lot of fun over the past 2-3 months, featuring such diverse stupid idiots as 'depressed kid', 'Pat Lee', and 'autism bonanza'. This week, however, we wanted to do something a little different. So we decided to take a look back at the founding of the Daily Raider and its first few months of existence, to honor the conservative and idiotic archetype upon which our site's hatred is built upon. We bring you...
That's right! Cipriani! The man whom we all took great pleasure in ridiculing in our now famous Target Practice with Cipriani videos and who claims to have been Nixon's best friend and co-founder of the site. As with our good buddy autistic Josh from all the way back in Week 1, Cipriani here has a lot of annoying Family Guy related material on his Myspace page, specifically several animated GIFs from the eponymous show, some of which you can see in the above screenshot. I'm beginning to see a connection between idiotic people and the people who watch and quote vociferously Seth MacFarlane's turgid Simpsons ripoff. But yes, also like Autistic Josh, the clips are laid out poorly, stacked on top of each other in a haphazard fashion. Don't these people know what aesthetics is?!
Cipriani also shows his love of beer on this page, and in light of that new information, I am even more appalled with him than I was before. Beer is not for drinking. Beer is the drink of commoners, for people who are not good enough to get at the finer drinks like wine, tequila, Irish whiskey, and even good old fashioned drink from the Motherland, Russian Vodka. If you drink beer you are showing that you are unable to handle the finer drinks, and are not even deserving of a second thought. Anyone can drink beer; it takes a real man to drink vodka at 6 AM before going about their day. THAT's a fucking eye opener.
Here we get to see Cipriani in all of his suburban dipshit glory. If you look at the third picture on the second row, you will see that he is on the verge of starting a new teen trend. Wannabe Redneck. Cipriani has at times expressed interest in joining our country's armed forces, and I've always hoped that he follows up on that interest so that he can be blown up into several pieces when the CIA fucks up the intel in whatever 'evil country' we're invading this week, but from these pictures it appears he is more likely to join the Minutemen. Hopefully those crazed Mexican nationals those xenophobic racists are always crying about will gut him on his first day of membership. He also seems to be showing a fondness for the traditional headgarb of those whom one time he called "Sandniggers". But what else do we see here?
Is that who I think it is? I think the operation went well and Cobra is looking smokin' hot for being a formerly overweight and dumb as a rock and obvious closet case Cipriani lackey! That is the only explanation because in the last picture he lists "Amanda" as a friend, and we all know that Cipriani is way too psychologically damaged to be friends with people other than fat fellows with no self-esteem and Nazi skinhead punks who run the local chapter of the Young Republicans. That and Amanda doesn't really look realistic as a woman.
It should be noted that he has in the past few months, broken up with his girlfriend, because his girlfriend must've woken up to the fact that she was dating someone who once typed the sentence "I feel greatly insulted and feel like my family (all George W supporters) have been insulted by DOOM's childish acts when it comes to politics." and "I don't care what anyone says...Venom is God." It was told to us from our source W. Mark Felt that he lost his virginity to this girl, but we have a bit of a conspiracy theory that runs counter to the accepted 'magic urethra' theory. She broke up with him when she realized, while in the act of their first fucking, that not only was his penis size way below average [let's put it this way - Ray Palmer's dick is bigger...WHEN HE'S THE ATOM], that he was an insufferable prat with no good qualities, a kind of watershed moment you only see on TV. That's why Cipriani's life will end at age 25 with a bottle of pills in one hand, a Pearl Jam CD in the other, and phone sex line numbers strewn all over the room. Despite being in a room with over 12 people, no one will stop his suicide attempt as he has led an utterly unfulfilling life, contributing nothing to society, and so on. In fact, people will cheer him on and he'll only be remembered on that website where they post all the Myspace profiles of dead people.
What else is there to say? This Myspace page shows that Cipriani is a moronic mental and emotional cripple with the class and personality of a goldfish, and an undying love for shitty FOX programs that never should have existed. HE HASN'T CHANGED A BIT!11111 That's the lesson of the week, children. Don't be a fuckwit.
View previous Myspace Losers of the Week: