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Myspace Loser of the Week
by Dizz
guest starring Mark Foley
Week 63: FUCKING TEXAS AGAIN!
Texas is definitely one of those topics of eternal discussion for us at the Raider. I mean, what other state has high schools which exist for the sole purpose of churning out football players? As such, we rarely, if ever, pass up an opportunity to mock Texans and in this case we have a double whammy: Texan and A PROBABLE CHILD MOLESTER!
http://www.myspace.com/thisothertimeatbandcamp (his Myspace URL alone should inspire hatred for him)
Even more unnecessary proof that Texas is for retards.
One of the first things everyone should notice is the Family Guy clip on the profile, which is instant proof of retardation, or the more specific retardation known as "being a college student". Further examination reveals even more stupidity, such as the love of Lynyrd Skynyrd (a mainstay of Southern stupidity, made even more hilarious with the misspelling), the physical impossibility of being a full time student and full time worker, and especially the reference to American Pie. It's the perfect, standardized candidate of stupid Texan student in this respect. What other kind of fuck up is there that has to make reference to "poop" and have a "farting song" on their profile?
Now, it should be noted that I found Matt on a Texas Pride group, which I originally was planning to eviscerate for Myspace Loser, but his sexual comment, claiming his genitals were about the size of Alaska thus proving Texas is superior (I am eternally regretting not getting a screen cap of this post) stood out too much for me to leave his existence unspoken. His comment alone should prove he is incredibly uneducated. Of course, his associate's degree should also be a sign of that, but the fact remains that he's a backwater fuck who should be exterminated as soon as possible. This brings up the question of "why the fuck is he even trying to get his Masters Degree from a fucking Associates Degree?". Well, uh, wouldn't it be a lot faster for him to just put all his savings in a blender and then blow his brains out for his inevitable failure? Come on, Matt, you were born in Texas, therefore you are destined to be there for the rest of your life and never be able to fucking leave. So why even try and succeed by Texan standards (i.e. 'failing')?
Now, I tantalized everyone with the possibility of a pedophile, so I better start producing evidence of that claim or he might pull a Steve Niles and try and sue us for defamation.
Exhibit A
What other 27 year old male has THAT many pictures of incredibly young girls on his Myspace? Only a pedophile who molests his own kids as "parent-child bonding time" would do something like this. Why the fuck else would any parent think to themselves "You know what the internet needs more of? Pictures of my fucking kids. LOTS OF THEM! Especially ones with vaguely suggestive poses" unless they were fucking the kids on a regular basis and wanted to show their college age buddies the "totally hot underage bitch I'm fucking"? This piece of evidence alone is enough to warrant the name change to Lester (in memory of Raines), but I haven't even gotten to the real evidence. The picture I wish to unsee more than "Two Girls, One Cup" is...
Exhibit....(Pukes in a trashcan)
I....I can't type enough to convey my sense of disgust upon stumbling across this picture. I mean, this is coming from the guy who was once called The Texan Toucher (FOR REASONS I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE) in many Daily Raider chats. There...there's just no valid reason for any parent to put their WAY too young daughter in a fucking bikini. Fucking hell man, I don't like to even see girls under 17 in those. Bikinis are for adult women, with adult sized breasts and adult sized asses. I don't know why parents allow their kids to even put on a bikini before age 14 (when they usually cease to have control over their kid's personal choices), but when you think about it, Lester takes an already sick action and makes it even sicker by taking a fucking picture of his little girl in a bikini. Not to mention the terrible, sexually suggestive caption! What the fuck is wrong with him? NO PARENT would photograph their kid in a fucking bikini by choice unless there was some secret and disturbing attraction from parent to child, and considering it's the fucking dad that took this picture I have no doubt that he's molesting that fucking kid.
Still, maybe I'm being too hard on the guy, so let's consult our resident pedophile Mark Foley and his Pedo-dar:
Why, I've never seen such pedophilia since I stopped paying my NAMBLA dues and they didn't let me attend the yearly picnic/abduction expedition! I may not be into girls - at all - but I still respect pedophiles regardless of their sexual orientation. And boy (I could go for a boy right about now!), is this fellow ever a breeder pedophile. All the telltale signs are there - publicly available pictures of small children on his Myspace, interest in 'family' and 'school' (two great places to find children), and he himself is in the prime age for developing pedophilia: the late 20s. I know I went to the young side of man sex once I was near to hitting the big 3-0. I expect I'll be seeing him at the yearly inter-pedophilia conference. This year's keynote speech is by Roman Polanski on the subject of 'excuses and alibis'!
Great, now I want to puke even more. If I didn't have to fucking finish this by tonight I would just stop and have this linger in development hell for as long as possible, but alas, I must move on.
Now, as if the pedophile thing wasn't bad enough, his interests are also fucking stupid in general. I mean, who the fuck listens to Texas Country that isn't a fucking waste of flesh? Absolutely no one, that's who. I'll give him the fact that Johnny Cash is a good musician. However, he's one of the exceptions, not the rule. His lack of mention of Willie Nelson also proves his Southern idiocy since “THAT DAGGUM FAGGOT WILLIE DONE SMOKE POT INSTEAD OF DRINKING BEER” is probably his entire reasoning for not mentioning him. He surprised me, though, in that he didn't have “READING'S FOR FAGGOTS WHO DON'T HAVE AS ATTRACTIVE CHILDREN AS I DO!” in the book section. Still, it's more than a bit difficult to figure out what his favorite movies are since he fucking abbreviated them for some reason. No one fucking calls any Monty Python movie “Monty” or Forrest Gump “Forrest G.”. What the fuck is wrong with this guy? Did he just want to type faster so he could be done with it and go back to uploading disturbing pictures of his daughters? More importantly, he probably has no fucking clue that Monty Python made more than The Holy Grail and had a fucking TV show. Fucking worthless American can't even recognize one of my country's greatest gifts to the world in all of its formats.
I hope Lester fucking rots in a fucking jail cell for fucking molesting his kids or is caught by one of us (in our attempt to revive the Hunting For Pedophiles section of the website). This is the only way justice shall be served.
View previous Myspace Losers of the Week:
Week 1: Autistic Josh
Week 19: The Death
of Myspace Week 37:
Playboy Week 55: Polish
Nazi
Week 2: Lor the Whore
Week 20: Jeremy the
Gay Week 38: Gears
of War Week 56: Candice
Week 3: Juggalo Brandon
Week 21: World of
Warcraft Week 39: Postie
Week 57: 9/11
Truth
Week 4: Usagi Kou
Week 22: :
Freak12 Week 40:
Marine Corps! Week 58:
Rammspieler
Week 5: Stupid Wuss Man
Week 23: Girl Pants
Week 41: JDPLVY
Week 59: Steve Niles
Week 6: Jordan Powell
Week 24: Chrissy
Week 42:
Islamofascist Week 60:
Scorparius
Week 7: Pat Lee
Week 25:
Fagberto Week 43:
Youth Action Coalition Week
61: Jason
Week 8: Flora Bush
Week 26: Dan
Brown aka Anal Scurvy Week 44:
Phantom Simba Week 62: Chicano De Atzlan
Week 9: FBI Sting Operation
#524 Week 27: Clown Boy
Week 45: SORRY MUTHA FUCKA
ADIOS Part Deux
Week 10: Cipriani
Week 28:
Psycohol Week 46: Marlon
Week 11: Carlos Mangual
Week 29: Fagnime Week
47: The Simpsons
Week 12: The Crimson
Week 30: I Are Coop
Week 48: Joni Estrella
Martinez
Week 13: Billy Boy
Week 31: Brian
Michael Bendis Week 49:
Gamerss
Week 14: Ashleigh
Week 32:
Model4Christ Week 50: COP
KILLAH
Week 15: Lucky Charms
McHomosexual Week 33:
Cobra1237 Week 51: Bisexual
Juggalette 4 Life
Week 16: Abby the Age Liar
Week 34: Machacek
Week 52: Doom
Week 17: Insane Clown Nazi
Week 35: Lindy
Week 53: Jarhead
#147
Week 18: Harlem Prophet
& Week 36: Sadie
Week 54: Gail Sommers