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Myspace Loser of the Week: Nerdlinger Team-Up
by Nerdlinger and Todd Howard
Week 78: Short Shorts
You read that right: Nerdlinger Team-Up. It seems that certain site veterans think they're too high up on the seniority ladder to do these anymore. And now those who are still qualified and willing to do these aren't able to man up. Not to name names (I'm looking at you, Lemansky), but you all need to step up, guys! And let's not forget that do-nothing-update-forgetting Doom. A Doom who is too far behind in the update schedule due to "Site Ruining Whore" being a site ruining whore. So now you all have to deal with me, week after week. What will I be teaming up for? My guess is MySpace and Facebook articles. Whatever the occasion, just be ready to see team-ups with this Nerd you never thought possible! Now then, on with this week's team-up guest, Todd Howard!
Todd Howard: Guys. Guys. Guys. This Myspace, guys. What is this Myspace Loser, guys, seriously, guys, guys. Short Shorts? They're also known as Todd Howard's first love, guys. Even more than Fallout or Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel, I love short shorts, guys. Seriously. There's just something about them, guys, that makes me, guys. I don't know what it is, seriously, but I know it's something. That's why this Myspace, guys, is so disappointing, guys. I see a name like "Short Shorts" on the Myspace and I expect, hey, guys, maybe it's seriously a girl who appreciates short shorts as much as I do. But. Guys. This is seriously, seriously this is trickery. I don't, guys, see any short short pictures on her Myspace. Seriously, should Short Shorts have short shorts in the pictures to qualify as an expert or appreciator of short shorts, guys? Guys. Seriously. Come on. We have to set some ground rules here.
In her photo album, there's, guys, there's, guys, guys, guys, NO pictures of short shorts. I know I'm not normally a "stickler" for "rules", guys. In fact, my favorite rule at Bethesda is there are no rules. Second favorite is casual Friday is really, seriously casual. Anyway. Guys. Guys. Look at her photo albums on Myspace. You'll notice none of them show her wearing short shorts, or even any shorts of any kind. Guys. That's false advertising. Seriously. Seriously, guys. When you name your Myspace name 'Short Shorts', you create an expectation, guys, of wearing short shorts or having some sort of affinity for short shorts. Guys. You're really disappointing me here with the Myspace. Seriously. Come on. Guys. Seriously. Come on.
Guys. I'm not going to be able to recommend Short Shorts as someone you'd want to contact on Myspace for a meeting or a friendship, I'm sorry to say. In addition to her false advertising vis-à-vis her choice in leg apparel, she rarely updates her Myspace blog or her status or her interests box. Guys, this reminds me of a certain someone, don't you think, guys? Seriously. Doom, if he didn't already have a girlfriend, I'd say he should date this girl Short Shorts. Come on. They're, seriously, perfectly alike. Both of them never update and both of them don't advertise correctly. Doom doesn't advertise at all (seriously, have you ever seen a Daily Raider ad in Game Informer, guys) and Short Shorts tried to trick me into thinking she wore short shorts. Seriously, Malice, she has a lot more in common with Doom than you do. Seriously, guys. Seriously.
I guess now, guys, it's Nerdlinger's turn. Seriously, listen to what he has to say, guys.
Nerdlinger: Couldn't have said it better myself, Todd. Indeed, it seems Ms. Short Shorts does not have any pictures of herself wearing short shorts, or pictures of short shorts in general. I mean, come on, people, I expect your advertisements to deliver! Instead we have a girl who deserves to be sued for such false advertisement and hypocrisy! Just let this be a lesson to all of you Myspace owners. If your name is "Phat Booty Mama", then your ass better be large and you better have child or be expecting. Just saying...
Now, I won't continue on with these ramblings, as I suspect Todd has done enough for you guys. It's time to focus on just why else Short Shorts qualifies as a Myspace Loser, and what better category to start with than music! So, let's have a looksee at this favorite music list: Sum 41, Taking Back Sunday, Gym Class Heroes and Linkin Park. Well, I need not say more than that to justify my case, do I? Well, I suppose I will have to expand upon it so Doom won't castrate me to keep me in line. What we have is a typical "punk girl" playlist. A little Sum 41 since their music appeals best to 14 year old rocker girls, Taking Back Sunday for the deeper lyrics, Gym Class Heroes because no one knows who the fuck Supertramp is and Linkin Park because SHE'S BECOME SO NUUUUUUUUUUUUMB! There's no way to seek redemption for this. Not even the "Queen's Redemption" can save her, as she's too idiotic to list Freddie's enchanting voice down as her personal hero (yeah, I called it enchanting, I'm Sweeney Todd for him).
THESE WOUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEAL!
What surprises me most about Short Shorts has to be that she is currently in college (if I can decipher this damn British correctly. Thanks for getting fucked over by the white man, Lemansky!) and is only 16. Surely, this must mean that she's a gifted student, or she's a damned dirty liar. I'm leaning a bit more to the latter because of what Todd Howard had to say of her. But, really now, if she's in college, you'd think her musical taste would have matured to fit in with her peers'. But I must digress from this matter of her musical choice because it's getting old. I'd like to now comment on her layout. While it's nice, you'd think she'd be able to make it herself rather than copy/pasting it off some site, since she's "studying" IT and all that, as her "About Me" section indicates.
Seriously, what the hell is a Shugotenshi? And what the hell is with that emoticon?
According to her "About Me", she has a boyfriend that is her "Shugotenshi". What the hell is a shotungenshi, you may ask? Damned if I know. Sounds too Japanese for me to want to figure out. I tried looking it up on Google and Wikipedia and got nothing. So I can only assume it's some anime term Short Shorts has picked up while masturbating to translated yaoi manga she gets from her friends at DeviantArt or whatnot. Corollary to that, I can only assume she has it in her mind of Japanese superiority over everything in the world; why else use such a Japanophile term to describe her boyfriend?
With all that said, it appears this team-up has run its course. I really can't compete with the genius of Todd Howard of how Short Shorts has deceived us all to warrant her a Myspace Loser of the Week. So, let's just end it with these last few words. 16 year old girls who have a fondness for Linkin Park (along with other "nu-metal/emo" music) and anime terms sicken me. They bring me to a point of rage that I can only be brought back from by very serious means. Given this look over Short Short's Myspace nearly brought me to this point, I had the "happy time" music ready at the push of a button if things were to escalate. My only hope is to not have to use the music for a long while until Doom hand selects another Myspace just to fuck with me and bring me to this point.
View previous Myspace Losers of the Week: