Best viewed in 1280x1024
The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.
Myspace Loser of the Week
Nerdlinger Team-Up #??
Week 81: Lil Rail
by Nerdlinger and Josiah X
Okay, so I lied in Myspace 79. I did do the monumental Myspace 80, but Doom was still part of it to keep some prestige to the article and to keep me in line. I apologize to my faithful readers who sent in angry emails to the site in response to the false news I reported. In reality, though, I'm beginning to grow tired as the head of the Madison Division, being the go-to guy for Doom for these articles. They've made me weary, as each and every last one of these Myspace Losers are blurring into one same person for me. It's all become disillusioning, really. My faith in humanity has become grimmer and dimmer, realizing that these people that I have to encounter incorporate more than half of America's population and youth who will soon run this country in a matter of a decade or two. This really can't be happening, can it? Have I really lost all my faith in humanity? Well, I could ponder about that, but fuck it, I'm just going to count down the days until Super Smash Bros. Brawl comes out for the Wii.
With that said, I suppose I need to get on with this week's Loser, who is known as Lil Rail. I first encountered Lil Rail by seeing one of his posters plastered over the Madison campus grounds as I walked between classes and onto the busy State Street to try and scrounge up some food and increase my pity for the homeless that walk its streets. The main attraction of these signs was that Lil Rail had over 10 thousand Myspace friends. I shit you not, this was the main selling point to promote this "rapper". I was contemplating on doing this for an earlier article, but at that time, Doom had more "competent" writers for Myspace Loser of the Week. Well, I guess you don't anymore, do you Doom?! DO YOU?! HA HA HA HA HA!!! (Well, at least they had better spelling than I do.)
Going onto Lil Rail's Myspace page brings me into a world of chaos and disarray. Upon entering, my ears are bombarded with a music styling I believe to be "rap". I can't really be bothered to tell what it truly was, so I'll just leave it at that. The main point of this all is that it started playing over one of my Simpsons songs. Now, I don't know about any of you guys reading at home, but I fucking hate it when these people decide to leave the autoplay value to true when they copy/paste the html code into their profiles. It's an auditory raping and for the most part it rapes the badnwidth of anyone who just wants to access the page in the first place, making it take forever to load. In short, the music is shit and it makes my computer lag like a bitch, which means it takes me even longer to write the article.
This brings me to my next gripe that I am plagued with for every Myspace Loser: how much they all make my computer lag like nothing else. Now, I know I don't have the greatest computer in the world, but I do know that my internet connection (at least while in the dorms) is top notch. I mean, my ping speed is 23 and my download and upload speeds rival those of many in North America. And yet, despite this awesome connection, people are still creating pages with copious amounts of images, videos and songs to load up on the first click. I can only imagine the stress I would be under if I were to work on this with my regular DSL connection at home. To wait an upwards of 5 minutes just so I can quickly press the pause button on that damn Myspace media player and to scroll through image after image after every fucking pointless image. Intolerable.
You see these pictures? Imagine them x25. This is what I've been visually raped with just to give you guys new content. I hope you're all proud of yourselves.
And let me tell you all something, Lil Rail has made it his duty to litter his Myspace page with nothing but images of either him standing next to some, what I can only assume to be, famous musician in the black entertainment field, and then advertisements for rap concerts within the tristate area. Yes, Lil Rail seems to do nothing but promote on his page, which got me wondering if this was actually the page of a promoter or a rapper. I decided to just stick with my gut feeling that he is a rapper, as it's funnier this way. Think about it, why the hell would a rapper promote other rappers' concerts? It becomes quite pathetic when you look at all the fucking shit on his page that promotes people other than himself. You want to become successful and famous, as all rappers strive for, and you try to do this by giving those who have already gotten to the top more support while promoting little to nothing for yourself on your page. The most I can see as a self promotion is about 3 images out of the dozens upon dozens scattered across the page.
I mean, hell, Lil Rail has images just about everywhere on his page for everything. Who I'd like to meet? Images of him with "celebrities" (which is cheating, really). About me? Promotional images for concerts. Instead of making his page about himself at all or about his career, he just plasters images everywhere. I guess what his goal with all of this is to reach out to his core audience: those who like them picture books. Words? Who needs that shit? It's all about photos, man. Show off how awesome you are by showing yourself with a quick shot with someone famous. Yeah, that's the way to do it, man. Fuck "writing complete and/or meaningful sentences" about yourself and creating a bio for your fans to read. They don't need to know "about" you, they just need to know who you know. That's truly the way to get anywhere in the rap business.
And the odds of Lil Rail being on JAY-Z's Top Friend's list?
Finally, I'd like to make a quick reference to Lil Rail's Top Friends list. If you notice, not a single one of them is an actual person. Some promotional Myspaces, then the pages of "rappers" and "BET" are on there too. And for some reason, Avril Lavigne's Myspace is listed amongst the Top Friends as well. It's clear that Lil Rail is going for the perception that he knows people in the business, which will surely get him a recording contract with some top name label. But then you have to think about this: Lil Rail added these people to his Top Friends, but did they? I don't want to destroy my bandwidth to check, but I believe the answer is an obvious "yes" across the board. With that said, I really have nothing more on Lil Rail. My only hope to make this article any more credible to my mocking of the black community and one of their patrons is to have it justified by the addition of another of the black community's finest. Everyone, please give a warm welcome to Josiah X!
Ah, I see how it is. Crackerlinger don't want to have to realize the TRUTH of the streets. Motherfucker prefers to keep his head in the white sand. Lil Rail is a fucking visionary and you need to understand that. He's from the streets, just like I am and just like all revolutionaries of the Black Revolution are. He ain't no pussy like Lupe Fiasco or Common or Immortal Technique. He literally keeps it real, the 'it' being the struggle to KILL. MOTHERFUCKING. CRACKERS. Lil Rail doesn't look like a follower of The Movement. That's true. He hides, cloaks himself in cracker appeasin' bullshit to keep himself safe for the upcoming race war. He don't wanna get capped before the time is black to murder all white folk. Gotta bide time, you know? Like me. That's why I'm a mild mannered gang leader when I'm not murdering crackas in secret.
Yeah, so what if he promotes and he don't rap? What your problem with that? You don't like how he promotes REAL street voices like T-Pain and Kayne? Nerdlinger prolly prefer some bullshit from MC Frontalot or Optimus Rhyme or any of that other nerdcore shit. Too afraid to listen to the TRUE music by the black man. It's much safer to listen to some white cracker stealing from a brother's style and calling it his own. We might as well start callin' your Elvis Nerdlinger, right? You into that blackface routine. Since Madison got a total of zero niggas, I wouldn't be surprised if Nerdlinger put on blackface for a UW minstrel show. My MATC crew oughta put a cap in your ass for even suggestin' Lil Rail ain't hardcore.
You know what, though, I do agree Lil Rail is not hardcore ENOUGH. He does not have enough cracka kills under his belt to be considered anything less than an aid to the opressors. All those pictures on his Newscorpspace and I don't see ONE motherfucking picture of him rapin' a white woman (to show her husband who boss) or slicing up a Christian baby and using its blue blood to heal his wounds. He needs to go further than simply promoting black revolutionaries. He gotta do some revolutionarying himself, you know? Lil Rail, if you readin' this, I got an assignment for you: KILL NERDLINGER. We'll see if you got what it takes to be in the 5% then.
Thank you, Josiah, for your insight on these matters, whatever it was that you meant with that. And now I can justify this as part of the Nerdlinger Team-Up series. So fuck all of you who said this wasn't going to last a month. I showed you all and then some. My only regret is that now it has become a site staple, which means only one thing" I have to continue writing it for the site. Oh well, at least I'm beginning to get a higher article count than Dizz ever had, so I got that going for me.
View previous Myspace Losers of the Week: