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Myspace Loser of the Week
by Doom, Generalissimo Furioso, Jedi Guardian and Kennedy
Week 92: Gothic Liberation Front Again
Remember last week's megaton bomb of an article, Myspace 91: Gothic Liberation Front? Well, per what the end of that article stated, the "fun" isn't over yet. Yes, this is the second week of uncovering the humor and inanity of the Gothic Liberation Front (it's not all that hard). In this one, I will cover the US branch as well as talk about Black August, the, brace yourself, 'extreme' wing of the Gothic Liberation Front. I know. Fucking hilarious, right? Well, I know I was laughing when Rammspieler told me about it. In interest of keeping myself from reiterating much of what I said last week, this article is a Raider collaborative work, with Generalissimo Furioso, Jedi Guardian and (introducing) Kennedy sharing their thoughts on the matter. Get ready for some good ol' fashioned Goth bashing, kids!
I will admit I want to fuck the background in the mouth.
The first thing I noticed about "The Gothic Liberation Front" was that its location was that of Flint, Michigan. I found the whole thing amusing at first. Then I realized that it wasn't an April Fools joke. It's real, people. The Goth Liberation is on constant alert about Goth-related issues, such as stopping Goth hate, starting Goth love and maybe stopping the Westboro Baptists. Seriously, I don't know whether to feel pity or scorn. I've heard Doom talk about it in the past few months, but I thought it was one of his drunken rants. The page feels very Goth, I'll give them that. With music by Android Lust. As I read through the page, I can only hope that this site is, indeed, a joke. Male in his 30s? Trying to prevent more violence against subcultures? Come on! Like Goths are as persecuted as the homosexuals and pagans! These people are almost as effective as a resistance movement as the Bloc Quebecois party. Fucking laughable.
The layout on this Myspace gives me such a headache. I know Goths love black and occasionally white, but can you use some primary colors for once? Please? The blue or whatever the fuck shade it is doesn't count because it reminds of bad Geocities poetry. The ads are even worse, with sponsors to add preventive action against Goth violence and an anti-Westboro group (not that I find it laughable in and of itself. I do hate Westboro, but I don't consider them a threat to the Goth liberation.). The promise of liberating only Goths from persecution is not only laughable, it's fucking stupid. What about other subcultures like Emos, Indies, Potheads, Fuckheads, Dicks, Ralph Nader Supporters, etc. They need liberating, too! If this group was focused to stop crime or prejudice against every subculture, I'd be up for it. But to only help the Marilyn Manson wannabes? Isn't that prejudice, especially when the purview could be expanded? In order for these fucks to unite against violence, they have to unite with ANYONE who's stomped, pushed and beaten by the odious pricks. The group (or the dude) needs to expand more from this Goth business and branch out to others, because if you want to beat your enemies passively (and I hope it is a peaceful revolution), you need to show tolerance. Because from tolerance comes respect and ultimately love. The tone of this organization is too mealymouthed and vague to instill much confidence in their abilities to combat prejudice, and sticking to Gothic iconography is stupidly narrow. It's more prejudice and a smug elitism towards others, and that will win over hearts and minds as much as Bush resolutions for the War on Terror.
Oh, God. Here we go, again. Another fucking subculture who wants the government to protect them from persecution. Look, I'm all for human beings getting along with each other with minimum violence, but this going too far. It's people like these, that the rest of society looks down on anybody who wears black and has piercings all over their body. First, the Emos, now this "Goth" fucks? Like Kennedy stated before, I'm all for Suicide Girls, but this shit is too fucking much. I love the surprise coming the blogger who posted this piece of news. One thing to notice, is that the country that this legistation was supposed to pass was the UK. The UK was a notorious record of protecting the rights of minorities and criminals far more so than the United States. But to expect the British government to protect you faggot ass from persecution delivered by preppies? Smeg off! Once you go that road, it leads to increasingly dumber legislation until it's a hate crime to beat the shit out of someone for wearing an opposing sports team shirt in unfriendly territory.
There's another good blog arguing that crimes, especially violent ones, targeted towards Goths oughta be categorized as hate crimes. Now, I am certainly open to challenging the law, but this is really going too far. What's next, raping dead babies is categorized as necrophilia and pedophilia? God. So anyway, I really just don't understand where these fucks get the balls to say this shit. Look, the fags, they got it rough, ok? Women, they got it rough. Where is this rampant persecution of Goths taking place? Why aren't we hearing about it? Are there laws about facial piercings and shitty tattoos now? Stray comments might occur every once in a while, but it's not as though there's a fucking KKK for Goth people. Besides which, fuck your lifestyle. I don't mind the Goths, in fact I'm a pretty big fan of the Suicide Girls, but fuck you if you think your dumbass style is worth anything. If it's a part of who you are as a person, you're fucking sad. I like wearing cargo shorts and listening to Pat Benatar. I would never in a million years claim that I was being persecuted for this (though, ironically, I am; Doom is such a lovely person), nor that I found it intrinsic to my self identity. You can take your Goth togs off, whereas a black guy can't stop being black and a gay guy can't not be a homosexual.
But I do really like the awesome guitar equipment in the video on the page. I don't know if you guys are guitar aficionados or know anything about speakers and musical equipment, but that shit is expensive. Y'know? Like, pretty fucking expensive, easily in excess of a grand. And that dude's band name is "Vlad in Tears", which is really just a whole heaping of a mixed message. What the fuck is a dude named Vlad doing crying? Vlad should be impaling niggas, ya heard? Stupid name. And the dude is a total douche. When you first see him, you think he's an asshole; when he starts talking you know it. Not only does this douche have some faggy foreign accent, but he's a complete asshole. Then all of a sudden this drummer shows up outta nowhere wearing a bandana. Fuck you and fuck your bandana, brosef.
I love how they dismiss Black August as an affiliate of the GLF. Black August is a Goth group from the UK, who apparently have the same beliefs as the Goth Liberation Front in the United States. Obscuring matters is the context of Black August: the GLF Central Committee or whatever the fuck only showed an excerpt. I can't judge anybody with just a fucking excerpt. They should've showed the whole e-mail if they claim that Black August should be rejected from the GLF, because the entirety would give context, and context is necessary for making an informed decision about fucking anything. This absurd overreaction reminds me of when Principal Skinner was introducing the school uniforms and told the students not to think of Bart's "Down with Homework" shirt or even what it said. Thinking about it might give you ideas! This is more or less Black August's entire existence, as I've never really found anything that purports to speak for Black August as an entity. Hell, it might not even exist, like the opposition in 1984 or the Democrats in 2002. Either way, shit's hilarious.
There's something incredibly lame about the Gothic Liberation Front and I think it stems from the fashion in which they conduct themselves. GLF goes all out with the war conception, but not in the most obvious way (beating the shit out of people). What you get, therefore, is nerdy shit people do on the Internet when there's nothing better in their lives. The YouTube videos are called 'war journals'. GLF tasks have 'Operation' names. They have a surprisingly complex power apparatus that would put the USSR's Communist Party to shame in terms of bureaucracy. Fuck. If you're gonna act as though your bullshit is a war, you need to go Frank Castle War on Crime on motherfuckers. A guy in black clothing shooting up the place? That's so logical it's already a goddamn part of Goth culture, as Goth as Skinny Puppy and cutting yourself just to feel. Not that goddamn difficult. But since GLF opposes violence, their war imagery comes off hilariously cheesy and akin to the shit 10 year olds talked when we used to play Cowboys and Drunk, Despondent, Indigent Native Americans.
One of the things I've noticed about Myspace pages dedicated to stopping things are often quite short on good methods to stop what they're trying to fight against. Myspace seems to have the dual effect of making your argument both impersonal (and less likely to attract sympathetic bypassers) and stupid (more likely to incite rage in people like me). Gothic Liberation Front is the same type of deal as Gay Anarchy or Stop Darfur MAAAAAAAN!. A bunch of do-nothing "activism" lovers with a vague, unfocused agenda that has no real means of succeeding supported by head-nodders and toadies. There's a reason why no one takes petitions from the Internet seriously (besides the fact that over half of them are to bring back Joss Whedon shit), and that's because it takes no effort to find 500 people who will check a fucking box on the Internet. Not to mention how easy it is for 1 guy to be 500 people on the Internet. You're not enacting social change with your half-assed idealism and listless attitude, you're just painting yourselves as even more viable targets (Even the Gays took notice and developed a scary faction to protect themselves. THE GAYS! When you're less butch than homosexuality, you're fucking hopeless.)
In summary, much of what was said about the inefficacy of the Gothic Liberation Front last week applies this week, and a second week of examination shows that the American version of the GLF isn't any better. What I took out from the pains of Week 92 is I side with Black August. Yeah, their concept is pretty fucking hilarious, but man, at least they purport to want to do something more useful than printing out flyers telling people to respect Goths or else, like, uh, you're mean and they'll e-petition your persecution away. Violence of the school shooting sort vastly decreased bullying of nonconformist types, as I can attest. Columbine made my high school life go from a possible Hell to a wasteland of isolation, the latter definitely preferred. Goths and the subcultural people entwined with it need to strike fear in the hearts of jock assholes again. Come on, Black August! Take up arms and direct your Wicca spells!
If you're still not convinced of how fucking stupid the GLF is, chew on this: they are offended by Landover Baptist. Even though it's satire of bigoted opinions. Hahahahaha. Here's hoping weepy blog posts and YouTube videos are created in retaliation to this article! Fun fact: if the Daily Raider had a war journal, it would contain ACTUAL MOTHERFUCKIN' VIOLENCE. And a battlevan.