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Welcome to Livejournal Moron of the Week!
by Doom, Nixon and the Red Fox
The reason this exists is because, much like Myspace, while perhaps a certain community or two is easy to take to task and analyze, the whole masturbatory societal circle that is Livejournal is hard to qualify and quantify, so instead of an overview article, we here at the Daily Raider have again decided to profile certain Livejournal users who go above and beyond the call of idiocy - ones that are so aggravatingly inane and doltish that they deserve special mention in a weekly format.
Our first moron: http://exnine.livejournal.com
Of the many emo types of people out there, this guy is not only the generic "I want to die", but he also is involved in a "band". After writing what I think was an aborted attempt at poetry, of course about cutting things and darkness, this guy goes on to talk about how he got a great new bassist and guitar player. Amazingly, he uses words like "wonderful" and "excellent" to describe these new people, even though in the same post he makes a crappy poem about cutting his heart out. Analysis: this guy is gay and wants to cut out his heart and give it to his new gay emo lover in hopes that he will be accepted and they can pick out matching outfits for their band. What exactly would this band sing anyway, beside emo songs obviously? If the world were just, these guys would just be a Christian rock group talking about how Jesus died for your sins, while being very angsty and describing how he got cut up. Mel Gibson would LOVE IT.
There's something to be said for trying to style your LiveJournal as a book of poems. it's a stupid idea. Most poetry printed is shit, for that matter the ramblings of a guy who thinks Dashboard Confessional is cool. In fact, his list of interests reads like a diagram for the most lame ass emo person ever. Books? Chuck Palahniuk. Bands? Thrice, The Birthday Massacre, Sisters of Mercy. Films? Tim Burton films like Edward Scissorhands and The Nightmare Before Christmas. Plus, he's a straight-edge. I'd go into that more but I don't want to have to kill someone today. This guy's more than just "from a mold"; he is the mold. His existence makes more emo fucks by proxy.
You want examples of his poetry and his quasi-lyricisms? Really? Do you? Okay...don't say I didn't warn ya, though!
Really. That's one of the entries he's made. I have no idea what the purpose of posting entries like these for people to see are, other than to maybe get your friends to say "God, you're a worthless emo fuck" and provide an intervention in the near future.
See, that last line in this entry is what made me think he was gay. Because no one ever goes "GOD, YOUR CARDIGAN DOESN'T MATCH AT ALL, YOU DRUNKEN BASTARD!" Well, crazy people might, but they don't count.
It's at this point that I begin to think the whole journal is one big wind-up. Hot Topic? Bitching ABOUT working at Hot Topic? Choosing to work at Hot Topic in the first place? This is tooooo good to be true.
In conclusion, gothic emo people who write bad poetry, bad lyrics and are generally annoying and wimpy people are everywhere on livejournal. This exnine guy in particular may in fact be the most stereotypical person of livejournal ever. Gothic, emo, has a band, works at Hot Topic, straight-edge. He has all the makings of a Livejournal Moron of the Week.