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Truth for Youth Comics
by Doom, the Red Fox, Rammspieler, Bruce Banner/The Hulk, the Jewker, Nixon, Steve Niles and Wild Bill Fetus
How are we supposed to trust testimony from...a zombie?!!?!?
Doom: We already know comic books and education don't mix. The painful attempts of the 1950s to teach children how to wear parachutes or arm themselves in the event of a communist insurrection through comic books is proof enough of the medium's inability to help the stupid and easily influenced learn. Yet the religious right won't stop. Yes, the nutcases who brought you Jack Chick and every other half-drawn tract you've found on a bus have come through once again to entertain all us non-believers with the flailing hysteria, aka sequential evangelism. Coming to us from Tim Todd, the laughably named Internet usin' preacher, Truth For Youth is an example of why Christ ain't what it's cracked up to be anymore. No wonder all the cool kids are converting to Islam; Christianity has some of the worst propaganda ever. Join us as we learn what the Bible has to say about topics such as school shootings, abortion and rock music. The fact that the Bible has nothing to say about those topics doesn't stop Tim Todd.
Apparently America is too free.
Rammspieler: I'm pretty sure that everybody on the site by now knows that when it comes to representing the Porno Fan segment of the Daily Raider staff, I'm the one who openly admits to having a stash of skin mags and videos hidden somewhere, as well as having a good portion of my hard drive dedicated to porn alone (and it is a very well organized porn folder, might I add!) So when Nerdlinger presented to us the link to The Truth for Youth comics online, I knew that I had to stand up for porn fans everywhere against the gross misrepresentation fundies have about pornography and those who enjoy it.
The gist of the comic dedicated to the purported evils of pornography is "Porn is bad. It will turn innocent young men into repeat sex offenders, rapists and bad characterizations of Larry Flynt!" I would laugh at the unintentional comedy, but it depresses me instead because after all these years of building up my porn stash and devising sneaky ways to sneak the family VCR into my room at night to watch porn movies, I've yet to achieve the ideal stereotype of a pornoholic. For one, contrary to becoming a repeat sex offender and misogynist, I still can't bring myself to talk to a woman or ask one out on a date, never mind make indecent proposals to underage girls and dress like a cad from a 70's porn flick! Another fallacy that this comic makes is the reversal of racial roles. You see, if this really were a serious attempt at getting kids to repent for awakening to their sexuality, then it would be the black kid who is looking at the porn and the white kid who is trying to save him from eternal damnation. I guess that even some of the more hardcore Protestant denominations are starting to go all "multicultural" and PC these days! What happened to the days when it was always the black man with the uncontrollable desire to go and rape white women? Instead, we have a black kid who is apparently an extremely repressed homosexual who hides behind the veil of religion so he won't have to look at nude women in various suggestive poses and/or acts of fornication. Of course, at the end of it is when reality takes a backseat. Black kid goes home and has a heart-to-heart with his parents about white kid's porn addiction and parents ask him "Are you okay? Did you see things that hurt you?" He tried not to look, but he keeps seeing them in his head. It's called an erection, son! It may go away if you pray, but if you whack off it will definitely go away. Oh, and there is a helpful number that is provided where you can call into the Dawson McAllister radio show and say live on national Christian radio networks that you are a sick freak. I tried it. Funny story.
In all, here we see the clichéd stereotypes fundies use to personify people who actually enjoy their God given sexuality. 70's porn stars, an evil Internet and porn being so harmful that just by looking at it once, not only are you hooked, but it will also probably physically hurt you as well and take away your virginity before marriage.
Yeah, I mean, that mustache wasn't born with him. He had to consciously grow it, and THEN he became gay.
The Jewker: Unlike my brethren here, I am admittedly not comic book aficionado. That being said, even I am able spot a shitacular comic when I see one, and these Truth for Youth comics definitely fit the bill. These Christian ministries, such as Tim Todd's, do nothing but perpetuate the ubiquitous homophobia that seems dominate American culture. Let us not forget that the last time a Christian evangelist warned of the dangers of homosexuality, he had enough KY and meth-amphetamines to turn Pat Robertson gay. And with that mildly disturbing visual, how's that for calling the kettle fag?
The story begins with three siblings and a friend who are at a gay rights demonstration when the redneck brother starts getting into fisticuffs with a huge, hairy lesbian. As the tension escalates, a riot squad enters the scene and the foursome disperse into a tunnel where the little brother has a stunning revelation and discovers he himself is gay. Shocking plot twist. The "I hate dem faggot-queers" redneck brother, explodes into anger, while the friend begins to spew her Christian babble. Uh oh, I sense moral dilemma. "Hating homos is wrong, but so is embracing their behavior." What's the Christian Right's solution for curing this "choice" of gayness? Attend a three week homo-purification retreat, where you'll constantly be surrounded by robed men while following their commands on their knees. And it works - just ask Ted Haggard! He doesn't even like sucking cocks anymore!
The four continue out of the tunnel where they seek medical attention for the eldest brother, who got struck in the head by a rock. They arrive to a paramedic while the Christian bitch continues to talk her anti-gay babble to the frightened little gay kid. Searching for an answer in the wrong place, he asks her, "the media says I was born this way, so how can I go to hell?" Then the paramedic imprudently chimes in about his past. "When I used to be gay, 30 years ago, no one even thought of that!" Wouldn't it be great if we all had the "When I used to" character in our life to help guide us through morally perilous situations? If only life was so easy... The paramedic, disillusioned by his own faith, then says, "God loves the homosexual, but hates the sin of homosexuality." If homosexuals only love other homosexuals, then the only logical conclusion is that GOD HIMSELF IS A CLOSETED, SELF-LOATHING HOMOSEXUAL! Jesus, look out. Thanks to James Cameron's discovery of Jesus' tomb, we can finally answer the age-old question about God's sexuality. Man, the crime unit lab is going to have a field day DNA testing 2 millennia old supernatural semen.
"God will magically erase your positive HIV test!"
Steve Niles: You know what Steve MOTHERFUCKING Niles hates more than fags, faggots, homos and women who think they're too good for the SUPERCOCK OF STEVE MOTHERFUCKING NILES? Safe sex. And condoms. Condoms are for pussies and STEVE "BEST FRIEND OF THOMAS "THE PUNISHER" JANE" NILES is the farthest thing from a pussy you'll ever FUCKING be able to see. STEVE NILES IS PURE 100% MAN. Steve Niles fucks pussy, but Steve Niles is not a pussy, because then Steve Niles would be able to fuck himself and STEVE NILES IS NO FUCKING FAGGOT FAG. So if safe sex is for FAGS and Christianity is for FAGS by virtue of the fact that STEVE NILES THINKS THE TEN COMMANDMENTS ARE GAY, then a comic about safe sex not being gay is HOMOSEXUALITY INCARNATE. Faggot.
The story begins at a football game. Steve Niles played football in high school - EVERY POSITION BECAUSE STEVE NILES IS SO AWESOME HE CAN BE AN ENTIRE FOOTBALL AT ONCE. But Steve "Fridge" Niles didn't have the kind of football experience the fags in the comics did. Namely, Steve Niles didn't have fags telling him about SEX BEING BAD. Sex is good, you fucking homos! What the fuck, you fudgepacking freaks! Don't you want to get laid? Of course not, you're fucking fags who think it's better to 'wait' and shit. STEVE NILES DOESN'T WAIT FOR ANYTHING. WAITING IS GAY. Steve Niles gets in there and starts FUCKING THAT BITCH. He doesn't care if she's got STDs and shit because STEVE NILES IS MAN ENOUGH TO GET DISEASES. "WAAH WAAH WAAH AIDS SYPHILIS" SUCK IT UP! BE A MAN AND KICK SOME VIRUS ASS! Some fucking black football player goes on for pages and pages about condoms not working and saying marriage is the only way to have truly safe sex. YOU CAN STILL GET DISEASES WHEN MARRIED, DUMBASS! I got fucking herpes when I was banging some chick in a threesome between me, my wife and some random chick. How do you explain that, Bible? YOU CAN'T.
You know what's really gay about this comic? IT'S NOT WRITTEN BY STEVE NILES. If Niles wrote it, it wouldn't be so gay, because there'd be none of this SAFE SEX bullshit in there. It'd be VAMPIRES AND SEX AND FUCKING AND THOMAS JANE AND EXPLOSIONS AND ZOMBIES. That's why I'm Steve Motherfucking Niles of the 30 Days of Night movie and Tim Todd's some gay kid screwing homo. The Bible also is faggoty for not being written by Steve Niles. Jesus Christ loved people so much he died for them? He loved men? HOMO. Steve Niles doesn't need religion because religion's for ROBE WEARING FRUITS. STEVE NILES DOESN'T FOLLOW NO FUCKING "DON'T FUCK" OR "DON'T KILL" OR "DON'T STEAL" BULLSHIT. Peace and love and shit's all for faggots engaging in gay sex. A real awesome Bible would have war and vampires and a character named Steve who made the WHORE OF BABYLON BEG FOR MOTHERFUCKING MORE. As it is, Christianity's uncool and homosexual shit about worshipping a big bearded guy for all eternity. I bet you have to give GAY BLOWJOBS IN HEAVEN.
This shit's just for fags who want to justify their lack of getting laid by saying they're waiting for some other fag to go to San Francisco with them. NONE OF YOU CAN GET PUSSY LIKE NILES CAN. ADMIT IT, YOU FUCKING QUEERS! I'm so pissed off I'm gonna go blow off some steam FUCKING THE ENTIRE FEMALE POPULATION OF INDIA. IT ONLY TAKES ME 20 MINUTES BECAUSE THE SUPERCOCK EXISTS IN MULTIPLE PLACES IN THE TIME/SPACE CONTINUUM. BEAT THAT, BITCHES!
Yeah, God 'says' he'll pay child support, but will he really do it?
Wild Bill Fetus: Yeeehaw, motherfuckers! I just got back from an afterparty at Dumpster #6, and am I ever wasted! I mean literally, I'm legally considered waste! Anyway, time for me to talk about this 'abortion' comic. I had a hard time understanding it. Not because it was confusing or hard to follow, but because my eyes never developed, therefore making sight difficult if not impossible. I tried my best though, which involved getting a hot chick (I think) to read the comic aloud into my half-developed left ear. So, this chick Rosa's been macking in this dude Jack during their prom on a boat or some shit. Boat crashes and Rosa, dude and Rosa's dad wash up on an island and have to fend for themselves. Whoa, I like the sound of that! So, like, then Rosa figures out she's pregnant and Jack gets all freaked out. Dude, you can be cool as a cucumber! Chillax. As long as the island's got a coathanger or somethin', shit's all good, bro. That's how my moms freed me from her vagina so I could explore younger, tighter pussies as an aborted fetus. And it's the best fuckin' thing to ever happen to me in my trimester.
Anyway, this continues and Jack refuses to chill. Meanwhile, Rosa's dad is dying, and he used to be an abortion doctor, so he's havin' visions and shit about dead babies. Dude! Abortion doctors are awesome. They allow studs like me to hang in medical waste bags and totally fucking eat the shit out of removed tumors and all the other delicious waste my barely formed digestive system loves. It's pretty GAY if you ask me for an abortion doctor to look back on his life and complain about removing fetuses. There's a reason they're called fetuses and not babies, dude! It's cause they ain't babies. Fuck, a baby rattle would crush my chalk-like undeveloped bones, so no fucking way am I some goo goo gaa gaa shit, nor was I ever back in the womb. I was just chillin' in there, sucking up nutrients and causing massive health problems and shit. Duuuuuuh, Tim Todd. Tim Todd's gotta be one of those straight-edge fags. Only way he'd write this retarded bullshit.
Pops kicks the can and Rosa decides she's gonna keep her fetus growing inside her and stealing life functions from her. Jack's all pissed cause this means his life's ruined, but Rosa tells him God will help her out and teach the baby and shit. WhatEVER, bitch. God never taught me shit, and I thought the big dude's supposed to love homies like me. Everyone who DOESN'T know how awesome it is to be aborted needs to shut up and stop castin' judgment and shit on abortion. Abortion's cool, it's easy, it's cheap, and it makes things better for everyone. I get to eat hoagies till 3 AM and my moms gets to have fun and lead a promising life instead of raisin' some fuckin' kid. Who loses in that, I ask you. No one! I gotta jet now, cause I'm like 20 minutes late or something (watches don't fit on my arm, which is 20 feet away anyway) for this totally kickass party thrown by Removed Thyroid. Dude's got DEF LEPPARD on the boombox. If I had ears, awesome. LATER, BITCHES!
Contrary to Tim Todd's assumption, the Bible does not contain any final judgment on which is better, Antichrist Superstar or Mechanical Animals. Nor does the Bible have anything about rock music in it. Also, Pogo already uses the 'Madonna' name, jackass.
The Red Fox: Wow, I mean, wow. This comic is about lil' Jason who takes his younger brother to a rock concert, much to the dismay of his friends in bible study. They all know that any secular music is just like preaching, and preaching anything other than the word of God will be harmful to the kids. During the concert, Jason is conflicted and feels regretful for attending the concert of Madonna Dahmer (insulting Marilyn Manson, 10 years after it was popular to insult him) and his band, the Death Squad. They seem to be a bunch of over the top heavy metal crossdressers with more piercings than brain cells, but that doesn't hamper lil' Jason's to see the show. Dahmer apparently has some sort of mystical power over Jason, making him start to believe the words the band is spouting and causing him to question his beliefs. Lil' Jason then gets "scared", sees that his brother is gone, and then promptly runs away. Where does he go? The police? His parents? No, he goes back to the bible study group where he finds his brother and lil' Jason asks for forgiveness. The comic ends with everybody praying with him. Awwwwwwww.
What a complete and utter load. It seems as if Christians, at least the ones who wrote these comics, have absolutely no idea what rock music is about, probably because they never listen to it due to the belief that they will become devil worshippers if they do listen to it. Music is a form of expression, secular or otherwise, and usually doesn't preach to people how they must start worshipping Satan. I listen to a healthy amount of rock music, and it hasn't caused me to become an evil sinner child who worships a guy named Madonna. There is also a severe glaring problem in this comic in that bible study groups no longer exist, and, if they did, children would not go to them willingly when they were not required to. For example, Jason goes to the group after he runs away from the concert and everybody is there. Is this the new hangout spot for all the "cool" kids? Do they shun the kids in the next room for always playing Magic? Included here is the problem with band who plays in the concert. Nobody in their right mind would contribute to the popularity of a band such as this and, if they had, they would have died of embarrassment the next day. The lyrics they use seem to have been made by a five year old and are only suitable for a starter band who are "totally going make it big someday." Sadly, but not too surprisingly, the biggest problem with the comic is how Jason deals with the disappearance of his brother from the concert. Does he ask anybody around him? No. Does he contact the authorities, or at least the security guards? No. Does he tell his parents? No. All he does is run away to his bible study friends, hoping his brother is there. What if he were kidnapped and raped, or worse (being forced to stay at the concert)? This comic totally disregards reality.
The bullet is a commonly used tool to promote atheism study groups.
Nixon: Connecting school violence with lack of belief in a Christian God is an interesting proposal in the same sense that claiming dinosaur bones were put in the ground by Satan is. There's a lot wrong with thinking that one incredibly old fairy tale can somehow stop a person from snapping and shooting up a school/factory/burn ward. For starters, the comic makes the first assumption needed to sell the idea that "Jesus stops violence" by assuming the shooter is totally insane. That is to say that the shooter of choice in the comic is the classic "schizophrenic" psychopath who happens to be in command of voices other than his own. He just wants to stop, but he doesn't have the power to control his violence! Before even diving into the comic's twisted logic of how Jesus is going to solve this doozy of a person, let's consider all the types of people who engage in gross amounts of violence against your local place of primary state funded education.
Most aren't the kind of crazy that involves following a voice other than their own in their head. That kind of excuse only comes up when they're facing the death penalty and/or life in prison. You really think the Columbine Kids really had this good -Godly- side they were battling against that was telling them "not to do it, Billy" like some after school special? Fuck that, they knew exactly what they were doing and why. They wanted to kill people who had been pricks to them; the only place where Jesus sneaks into the equation is that the people they killed were far more likely to believers than they were. That's about it. So maybe, at best, following the literal word of God in some Colorado Protestant Church means some disenfranchised Goths might murder you with Tech-9s. That's the best connection I can make between God and school shootings. Oddly, it's about the best The Truth For Youth can come up with, too, since after the first panel of the comic the "School Violence" comic becomes the "Gays and Jews Blocked Bible Study Groups from Public Grounds" comic. So we never get our answer to how Jesus can help heal mentally unstable gun-wielding maniacs. The logic of the first panel is never explained.
Well, not entirely. Through the remaining 5 pages of the comic the lead character, Anime Eyes Moral Orel, continues to mention that if they could just get Bible Groups started, violence in schools would drop off. He keeps saying it over and over again, as if simply saying "Bibles == Less Violence!!!111111111" will make it true. It's the same logic as saying "my hair is snakes" every morning and figuring that mby next week instead of having a few strands that always stand up, I should have a Cobra. Unlikely much? The sole way Anime Eyes Moral Orel advance his argument is by trying to connect the banning of prayer in school with the rise in school violence. While the comic offers no evidence to prove that point, I do have an answer to the kind of logic and emotion it plays off of, and it looks like this:
Person 1: I believe school violence can be attributed to societal decay and....
Person 2: THE REMOVAL OF PRAYER KILLED THOSE KIDS IN COLUMBINE.
So with the whole "Lack of God == Violence" thing going unproved by the very comic that tries to claim it, let's look at what the comic does teach: telling kids to form Bible groups. Our Moral Orel pretty much just goes through the process of disproving myths like "Bibles are illegal on school grounds" and "Bible group can't be held after class hours on public grounds" through using a series of generic secondary characters who can be categorized as "Monster Atheist Science Teacher" and "Other Kid Who Supports Moral". Of course, I've never heard of these myths from anyone but the fear mongering Fundies who want Bible Study groups, but let's assume you need instructions on how to start a Bible Study group. This being because if you want to have one at your school, you probably need all the help you can get. Here's my instructions. "Put up flyers, gather on a night in a random classroom, bring Bibles". I bolded the last part since that's the real kicker. That also demonstrates how long my "comic on starting Bible Study groups" would have been. Of course, it's not how The Truth For Youth spells it out. I've prepared some dialogue to simulate the body of their Bible Study group instruction manual:
Other Kid: But Moral, we can't have a Bible Study Group, the Atheist ACLU Shock Troopers will kill us in our sleep!
Moral: That's actually not true. The ACLU Shock Troopers don't kill you for this yet, though they will if a Democrat is elected president.
Monster Atheist: I PERFORM PARTIAL BIRTH ABORTIONS ON MARRIED COUPLES.
The conclusion of the instructional manual/comic is, perhaps, the funniest part. Actually, I take it back. It's not funny, it's frightening. In it, Anime Eyes Moral Orel reminds the kids in his newly founded Bible study group that people like Monster Atheist Science Teacher aren't the enemy. No, Satan is, because it's Satan who has taken away people's ability to pray in public schools and made them think Bible Study groups are illegal. I'm serious. Check the last panel of the comic. SATAN DID IT. That's how the comic's lesson ends. By reminding that Satan is the only enemy...oh, and Bible in school = less violence. One more time repeated to make it true!
You can tell the argument is valid because you can switch out 'atheism' with 'Christianity' and the dialogue still makes sense.
Bruce Banner: As I am the only accredited scientist on staff (Doom never received a doctorate from State University, but do not tell him I told you), it is fitting that I am tasked to deconstruct the Truth for Youth comic deconstructing the apparent 'myth' of evolution. For a Christian to decry science as a myth fills me with hilarious feelings of irony (and restrained anger which will no doubt turn me into my accursed alter ego soon enough) to get through this poorly drawn tract of misinterpreted science and faulty assumptions. The tale begins in a science museum, as two white football loving racists mock an Asian boy and a black boy for being 'missing links'. Asian believes it is racism, but Black believes it an inevitable result of a culture raised on believing the theory of evolution. Funny, most racist white men I see around where I live openly do not believe evolution's veracity. Black goes on to evolve into proselytize mode as he lectures Asian on the falsity of the missing link and how God created all of us in his image. This continues into the 'proof' section of the 'intelligent design is right' argument, citing the usual tripe creation scientists cite when trying to disprove evolutionary science (also referred to as 'actual science'). I admit I became bored after a while and skipped to the end, wherein Black the Patron Saint of Copying Evidence From A Christian Science Textbook makes the brazen claim of scientific objectivity being difficult if not impossible due to 'sin'. I think...the anger...the ignorance...I think I'm HULKING OUT!!!
EVOLUTION NOT RACIST, STUPID CHRISTIANS! RACIST CLAIM PREDICATED ON PREEXISTING BELIEF OF BLACKS BEING SIMILAR TO MONKEYS! ONLY SHOW OWN RACISM THERE, CHRISTIANS! HULK MAD AT CREATION SCIENCE, TOO! POTASSIUM-ARGON DATING BECOMES INACCURATE DUE TO AN OUTLIER IN THE SAMPLE, STUPID! DOESN'T MEAN METHOD ITSELF SUCKS! SAME WITH CARBON DATING! EVEN HULK KNOW THAT, AND HULK NEVER GRADUATED GRAD SCHOOL. USE BETTER EVIDENCE, COMIC BOOK. YOUR THEORIES MAKE STAN LEE LOOK LIKE MR. BIG TIME SCIENTIST! ALL CREATIONIST VERSION OF SCIENCE BASED ON 'WE HAVE FAITH IN GOD' AND THEN PICKING EVIDENCE WHICH BACKS UP THEIR THEORY. NEWSFLASH, CREATION RETARDS, FAITH NOT SCIENCE! SCIENCE IS SCIENCE! FAITH IS FAITH! GET IT RIGHT, CHRISTIANS! CHRISTIANS MAKE HULK SO ANGRY!!!!!!
I found the entire comic inaccurate and full of Christian lies. The first is in the premise itself. A black kid would not, I repeat, would not ever show any interest in science, whether it regarded disproving it or not. Science ranks near math as the fields of academics black youths will never touch (insert racist 'Thugology 101' joke here if you so prefer). Nor would he be named 'Rashad', a name popular amongst Arabs (the sole 'Rasheed' I know of is the basketball player). Unless Tim Todd is trying to make a point about even non-white named blacks having the capability to follow the Lord, which I find unlikely given the Truth for Youth's penchant for racial insensitivity. But the most pressing inaccuracy is the dialogue. No one, not any student in the high school system, would ever debate like that. Two teenagers having evidence at their fingertips proving their arguments simply does not happen, especially as it pertains to theology. Would it have hurt to have the characters use vernacular from the last century? The sudden transformation of black youth to creationism scientist and of Asian youth to blubbering "bu-bu-bu-but" skeptic was too jarring for the comic to have any residual humor or absurdity in it. I simply found it disturbing that Tim Todd would so openly try to manipulate children into supporting his beliefs. Unlike Tim Todd, science teachers do not demand you smuggle books meant to brainwash children into following a religious agenda at odds with billions of others on the planet into school.
But I thought the court system in America was full of morally relativist Jews!
DRUGS, DRUNKENNESS AND PEER PRESSURE
Doom: And now we come to the final comic in the collection of shit comprising the Truth for Youth oeuvre. This one covers the whole nine yards of teen life - drunkenness, drugs AND peer pressure. I know all that shit happened to me when I was a mere lad, and boy did it ever ruin my life! I became fun to be around and gained several friends. Fucking vices, damn you! Now let's move onto the comic itself, for it may be one of the funniest religion-related things I've ever fucking seen (and remember, I went to a religious school for the first ten years of my education). This one's an extra special comic, in that it's 12 pages compared to the others' 6 pages. Double sized! Woo! "Case Dismissed" stars a young son of a minister named Tim, who falls into the 'wrong' crowd, drinks, smokes, goes out with women, and generally enjoys life. Clearly, something's wrong with this picture. Tim moves on to cocaine and marries 'the top drug dealer' in Dallas. The writer doesn't seem to know what cocaine does, so he gives Tim a hallucinogenic trip he mislabels as a near-death experience. Judging from the art to show this experience, I think our friend Tim spaced out looking at some White Zombie cover art, or that one Ed Roth drawing of the fucked up guy driving the fucked up car. Then there's an assassination attempt involving more drugs, he goes to the hospital again, where he's informed he'll be sent to jail for...wait. He's being sent to jail for having, in his system, drugs and alcohol? Does the writer even know what laws are?!?!
Tim escapes from the hospital and confronts his wannabe-assassin wife, who claims she didn't want to kill him. "I didn't trust her anymore, but she was my only cocaine source." says the narrative caption. Only source? In Dallas? CONTINUITY...ERROR...I HATE THIS FUCKING COMIC. Then there's a lot of shit about magical $40,000 purchases of cocaine, of theft, of robbery, of vague intrigue and finally his wife leaves him. While contemplating suicide, his mommy calls and he moves back in with his family, though he's still an alcoholic. During a crazy Saturday night of booze ingestion, his longtime buddy suggests they go to church the next morning. What? What kind of friend says 'you know what'd be really fucked up? We stood around solemnly for an hour, praising some guy named God!' and means it?! Church transforms him, God somehow manages to throw out an armed burglary charge (fuck thanking the justice system, it's GOD who's responsible!), and he becomes a great, white, holy man. Wait until page 12. It's a shocker. Tim the cokehead is, in fact, TIM "TRUTH FOR YOUTH" TODD! You know, it would've been better if he said "I was that axe wielding maniac". Talk about a contrived conclusion.
Joe Quesada the Preacher sez: "I, for one, welcome our new Christofascist overlords."
So what we have is a clichéd tale made notable because of it purporting to be a true account. If it really is true, Tim Todd's just an idiot with impulse control problems. Seriously, not all cocaine users fall into the traps Tim does in this comic, such as marrying a dealer, getting fooled multiple times by Prisoner-esque drug cocktails, and other amateur hour screwups. I manage to smoke, drink, have sex and get through the day without becoming a wanted criminal drug pony involved in various criminal cases. Also, I'm pretty sure this was embellished for dramatic value, since most suppliers who lose $40,000 in coke profits due to dealer incompetence don't end up 'cutting off' the dickhead, they end up cutting off the dickhead...literally. Timmy probably took a tab of acid and thought black people were accosting him, and therefore turned to Christ. To think a book of tired aphorisms ("a penny saved is a CONVERT TO THIS RELIGION OR YOU'LL FUCKING DIIIIIIIIE") and hoary bee bonnet life lessons can solve all problems is as stupid as thinking drugs and alcohol can, if not more so. Shit, at least substance abuse is fun; I've never seen someone who's not a Stepford, opinionless drone say they 'enjoy' church. Yeah, I think Tim Todd's a con artist who concocted a variation of the classic 'I did drugs and now Jesus loves me' story for the sake of pushing his toxic little books on American youth for profit and for notoriety. He's quite obviously a conformist - he did drugs in the 60s/70s when it was cool, and then became a douchebag right-wing psychopath once think tanks popped up and started paying big bucks for the American fascism. What an asshole. I wish he was back to apocryphally doing cocaine, since then at least there's the chance he'd OD and die.
SPECIAL SECTION: THE ART
Doom: I want to just briefly touched on the subject of the art for Truth for Youth, because it wasn't a big enough issue to address every time in the story by story breakdowns. Truth for Youth consistently employs a cheap, low rent house 'manga' style, in an apparent effort to reach towards the kid demographics who think American comic art is faggy. Since it's so poorly done, the character designs recycle themselves in every story (I swear, some of the protagonists go from story to story despite clearly being listed as separate people) and the facial expressions are very, very riduculous. Ridiculous to the point of it going from funny to sad. I think if Tim Todd wants to have kids converted by a lot of bad dialogue and Bible citations that don't substantiate the arguments at hand at all, he should at least give them some pretty art to look at. After all, the pretty art routine worked to solidify Jeph Loeb's station as an 'important writer' within comics.
Random note: on the Truth for Youth website you can access older versions of the book, most of which are the same comics but with traditional Western rendering style. Methinks Tim Todd's a shameless whore trying to find any method that gets him more kid souls!
Doom: There is only one conclusion one can come to once forced to read through all this shit: Christians ruin everything. Or if not ruin, then make everything exceedingly lame. Comics, a perfectly good way to go about making art, has been soiled by Christian dumbfucks trying to push their shit on impressionable youth too stupid to separate "Spider-Man" and "Evolution Is A Jew Lie Lad". Although these Truth For Youth comics have some humor value to them, it becomes a lot more angering and disturbing when it dawns on you that Timmy Toddy really wants to convert your kids so badly into his Kool-Aid drinking cult, and how our culture tacitly accepts the production of such propaganda. I mean, would anyone defend this shit if it were Scientology tracts? Tim Todd becomes more disgusting when you realize he's literally using teens as Bible mules to push his money-raking propaganda. You can't, as an adult, give Bibles to kids in school. But other teens can! What a douchebag. I hope he gets a nice ass whomping when he dies and finds out Islam was actually the true religion. All the cocaine addiction recovery would be for nothing!
Wait a minute...2 TIMOTHY 2:15 DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT READING THE TRUTH FOR YOUTH BIBLE.