Best viewed in 1280x1024
The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.
God is Overrated
by Doom
LOVE ME OR I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU ALL
Yeah. He is overrated. How can you disagree? Oh, if you disagree, you must be one of those religious people, in which case I feel sorry for you and your faith in something that has a bigger chance of letting you down than FEMA (those New Orleans blacks - still dead. Hey-ooooooo!). Dated references aside, the idea to pen/type an article on the subject of the Judeo-Christian God came to me after reading yet another fucking article on the primacy of God over all those fake religions like Hinduism and Islam. Doesn't matter which specific one; they all read pretty much the same. "Blah blah blah your monotheistic deity is stupid and shitty, mine is awesome." In America, Christians love committing this kind of behavior for no reason other than to assert their power. It's not because they're evil; I don't want to get you readers whipped up into some good ol' fashioned Stalinist religion destruction. I think they do it because they're stupid and don't know any better (...because they're stupid). Thus, I want to explain to Christians why their god is shitty, overrated and overall a pretty evil deity. Compared to him, Satan comes out smelling like roses, and I don't even like Satan (a faggy pitchfork man co-opted by Goths and death metal fans).
This really shouldn't have to be said, but since this is America it fucking does. Here we go. God is not a great God. Christopher Hitchens already said it in his book, but he's a drunken asshole so fuck him, I'm going to reformulate his message so isn't so much Jack Daniels all over the main points (he drinks more than even me at the height of my alcoholism). If you sit down and read the Bible, I mean really read it from front to back, your perception of God will shift from the notion the church gave you to "narcissistic control freak with delusions of grandeur despite incredibly low self-esteem". His personality reads like the profile for a serial killer. I also liken him to the archetypal deadbeat, alcoholic father who beats his woman and/or his kid and shows no skills whatsoever except for the aforementioned propensity for inflicting pain on others for no apparent reason. (So yeah, you could compare him to my girlfriend's dad.) I imagine God sitting in a recliner, crumbs covering his 3 day old wifebeater, beer cans strewn about, drunkenly yelling "DON'T MAKE ME FUCKING ALL OF YOU! I'LL DO IT! I'M THE CREATOR AND THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA! ...WHY THE FUCK AIN'T AMERICAN GLADIATORS ON?".
The Book of Job lays out God's numerous psychoses more so than any other part of the Bible. To put it succinctly, God puts one of his followers through hell in order to test his faith. Job undergoes stress tests such as the deaths of his children, the deaths of his servants, the loss of his accumulation, an outbreak of boils, etc. Real Old Testament shit. Unlike anyone sane, Job does not curse God and instead becomes more devoted to him. This illustrates two important points: God's assholishness and his followers' gullibility and Stockholm Syndrome-esque adherence to God's will. God gets shitfaced on Jack Daniels, lets "The Devil" fuck up Job's life, then pleads "uh, it was a test, cause if your life was good you might not love me as much" to Job. And Job buys it. I believe this kind of old school shit key to God the Asshole's grift. Through this test bullshit, he's able to claim credit for the good in someone's life while never receiving blame for the bad since the bad's quite obviously a test of their faith. Either way, God wins. That prick found a means to have it both ways.
Besides testing people by allowing awful shit to happen, God also murdered entire civilizations, turned people into stone, turned people into salt, commanded his believers to convert and/or slaughter other civilizations in order to spread his name, chastised the Jews for not killing/converting enough people...the God found in the Bible is really an abhorrent deity. Whatever hardcore Christian bigots have to say about Allah, the God they share with the Jews is a much bigger dickhead than Allah. At least Allah doesn't try to hide his want for his followers to convert or behead. God wants the exact same fucking ends yet coats it in bizarre, abusive love. As in, "I love you, children of God...now kill those people or I'll send a plague upon you or kill some firstborns!". Classic sociopathic behavior - claim to love someone whilst abusing them or forcing them to abuse others. I can think of a number of rednecks who show up on COPS who speak the same rhetoric.
Like all idiots with self-entitlement complexes, God requires you to show your love for him all the time. This egomania explains the practices of the Christian faith. I spent the first 14 or so years of my life having to be dragged to church once a month, and those who've gone to it a number of times should notice the incredible amounts of egomania inherent in church services. Just think about the basic runthrough of a service. About 10 prayers, about 5 hymns, readings of shit God forced people to write, a sermon about God's greatness, and a segment where you eat God's son's flesh. Every single second the church forces you to praise God and love God. I would not consider this weird if Christianity didn't tell its faithful to go at least once a week. Once a week? God needs millions of people praising him uninterrupted for hours on end at least once a week? I guess he needs his esteem justified by crony followers. It gets more hilarious when you recognize God's criteria for Christianity lays out that if you don't praise and worship him, you don't get to go to Heaven. What's in Heaven? A place for you to live eternally...and where you praise God in perpetuity. Man, talk about a fucking catch to eternal life; to have eternal life you have to slobber his cock in the physical life and you have to slobber his cock in the afterlife. No wonder Satan rebelled.
And the thing you need to remember is aside from his tenure as Jew God, God's influence has really not been felt in the New Testament or since then. Raping a virgin and telling her not to snake the little bastard out using hanger ranks as God's biggest accomplishment after he mellowed out. Other than that, the guy's done jack shit. Jesus' miracles sucked compared to God's. God wiped out entire armies and initiated genocide on at least three different occasions. Jesus? He turned water into wine, told some shitty parables and got killed by the Romans for being a hippie cannibal freak (he told his disciples to eat him! What the fuck!). Resurrection isn't a difficult feat compared to the shit God used to pull off. In fact, the vast majority of the post-Jesus Acts of God can also be explained by way of saying the apostles did hard drugs. Saul hearing God and going blind for three days? If you believe that, then I guess I really did converse with the Ice God Morrarr (who is a three headed ape with snakes for a neck and fangs for hands). Sounds like Saul didn't buy a trusted 8ball. In the New Testament, God continues his drunken deadbeat trajectory, moving swiftly from abusive to negligent. After he's done smacking around and sexually abusing his kids, he abandons then for thousands of years, possibly to serve out the rest of his DUI-incurred prison sentence. And what do evangelists say God's next action will be once he gets out of lock-up? The Apocalypse. So upon coming back to the house, he doesn't opt to rape his daughter and hit his son with a baseball bat, he opts to destroy the entire fucking world. What a great Heavenly father.
Jesus' relationship with his father further fleshes the asshole wifebeater God characterization. Okay, so Jesus spoke all the true love, hey man, smoke this man, bullshit, but he didn't really hurt anyone with his hippie jargon. All of his disciples came willingly and Jesus never usurped power and murdered people to achieve his ends (although in the non-canon books...). God's opinion on his son? Jesus needs to die. And not just die. He needs to be tried, beaten, tortured, stabbed, starved, crucified and stuck on that cross, barely alive, for several days, like a half-dead scarecrow. Jesus receives no say in this decision. When he pleads to his father to not subject him to such horrors, God's response is basically "fuck you, I need me some new followers and they kicked me outta AA". That God brought Jesus back after 3 days means shit. He returned as a spirit man. He still needed to undergo physical death. As a result of his death and resurrection, Jesus went from an inspiring martyr to yet another one of those magical spiritual boogeymen. His death would've been more inspiring had God not forced Christ into it. "Son, you gotta die so's I can collect some insurance on you. The county ain't sendin' me no goddamn checks no more. Don't worry, I'll make you a ghost-man later, even though it'll completely fuck up your plans for grassroots conversion." Asshole.
I don't see why anyone should consider God as having a hand in what happens in anyone's day to day life. Things are shitty and getting shittier; you would think a loving god would step in some respect at this juncture. Even for Christians, you the single person have more impact on your life than any supposed "God" does. So why spend a substantial portion of your time praising him and giving him long blowjobs every week (aka church)? It makes no sense and it speaks to the irrationality of believing in God - any God. When was the last time you saw a giant hand come out of the sky and stop a tree from falling? While not on drugs. Exactly. Never. So shut up.
The sole reason why people attribute their successes or lucky breaks to God is because God's conditioned them to do so. Years and years of indoctrination thanks to the Christian faith have made it so many poor souls don't take credit for their own accomplishments. They realize they did it, of course, but contradictorily that they couldn't do it without the help of God. Obviously you could, dumbass! Did God make sure you paid your taxes? Did God fuck your wife and knock her up? Did God work hard enough so you could get promoted at work? No, no, and no. Some idiots claim this religious love of God is harmless and does not negatively affect anyone. Outside of the ideology's evil and its influence on politics, I point to the ever fascinating phenomenon of faith healing and forgoing medical treatment. This article, which occurred in my state recently, speaks both to God's overratedness and the dangers of believing God's capable of doing shit:
http://www.wausaudailyherald.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080326/WDH0101/80326083/1981
Since I assume eventually that link won't work anymore, I've reprinted the article below and bolded the bits I found most hilarious:
WESTON- The mother of an 11-year-old girl who died of untreated diabetes says she did not know that her daughter was terminally ill as she prayed for her to get better.
Madeline Neumann died
Sunday from a treatable form of diabetes.
Her mother, Leilani Neumann, says she never expected her daughter to die. She
says the family believes in the Bible and the Bible says healing comes from God,
but they are not crazy, religious people.
Neumann says the family called 911 to seek emergency help when Madeline stopped
breathing.
The girl's father, Dale Neumann, says he has friends who are doctors, and he
started CPR "as soon as the breath of life left" his daughter's body.
Other family members called 911 to seek emergency help, Leilani Neumann said.
"We are remaining strong for our children," she said. "Only our faith in God is
giving us strength at this time."
The couple has three other children.
Isn't that hilarious? In another article I read on the Wausau Daily Herald website, the girl's family attributes the death to them not having enough faith. Not having enough faith. Not having...enough faith. I figure if all you did was pray for her to get better, and she dies, the reason she died probably isn't due to lack of prayer. Perhaps LACK OF INSULIN?!?!!?!!?!??!
Being unable to pull off a miracle of the dubious magnitude of giving a little girl insulin offers ultimate proof that God is overrated and he's a jackass. I don't think I need to elaborate anymore for this article.