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LIVEJOURNAL MORON OF THE WEEK
special guest writer Steve Niles
Unfortunately, I have been relegated to the Livejournal Gulag for my inability to consistently crank out articles with no excuse for the entire month. Despite the fact that thus far I have not had any experience in the field of Livejournal Moroning. Well, I guess all good things must come to an end. Fortunately, this will probably prove to be the birthplace of the forum enigma and fellow harasser of ImortalMisery, Keno. However, this week I've found someone who strikes a personal chord with myself. Not because I actually know him or like him but because he apparently is into a "sport" I might just be getting back into again...paintball.
This is who we are dealing with. Let me assure you that his resemblance to emo-fucks is no coincidence. The boy is indeed an emo-fuck. So much of an ego-fuck, he in fact sullies the idea of the AIDS Walk so much now I want to take an infected needle and go around the neighborhood stabbing people with it.
Signs that you need another doctor: A doctor refers to an infection as "Gnarly". Honestly, that's several levels of fucked up, especially if you start to think about who in the hell licensed a fucking surf-shit for a doctor. Thankfully, he fully recognizes he is in fact LoserCore (or LxC if you're an Asian or someone who likes acronyms). You know, I'm going to leave the rest of the dissecting of this entry to my good friend STEVE MOTHERFUCKING NILES!
THROW YOUR ARMS IN THE AIR LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE THAT I'M STEALING YOUR GIRLFRIEND FROM YOU, BITCHES! You know who Steve Niles hates other than fags, homos, queers, bitches, whiny bitches, gays and Ben Templesmith (WHO ISN'T RETURNING PHONE CALLS FROM THE NILESPHONE!)? This fag, who I'm going to call from now on FAGDOR THE FAGGY ELF! FAGDOR IS SUCH A FAG EVEN STEVE NILES (PROFESSIONAL FAG HUNTER) IS SHOCKED! The Nilesman doesn't use words like "GNARLY" or "VERY", Steve MOTHERFUCKING Niles uses his OWN words, like "JAWESOME" and "SUPERCOCK EXPLODE FORCE GO!' This is the only time Steve Niles wishes someone DOESN'T have a girlfriend because who the FUCK would want to fuck this 'mo? Therefore, anyone who fucks this 'mo is someone STEVE NILES DOESN'T EVEN WANT TO BOTHER STEALING!
STEVE NILES IS SO PISSED OFF STEVE NILES IS GOING TO SMACK AROUND THE BITCH FOR ANOTHER ROUND AND ANOTHER ENTRY! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, CRAM IT WITH NILESNUTS, FAGBALLS!
BURNING MAN? BURNING MAN? Steve Niles once SET A MAN ON FIRE by superheating STEVE NILES' SEMEN and pouring it on a guy (NOT IN A GAY WAY). The fucker EVENTUALLY MELTED INTO NOTHINGNESS! Leading scientists say SUPERHEATED STEVEMEN COULD MELT THE EARTH'S CORE. TAKE THAT MOTHERFUCKERS IN THE CENTER OF THE EARTH! STEVE NILES IS GONNA ADD HIS DRILL BIT ATTACHMENT TO HIS PENIS, DRILL DOWN THERE AND KICK YOUR MOTHERFUCKING ASSES! Anyway, STEVE NILES MOTHERFUCKING HATES HIPPIES! Hippie chicks don't shave and Steve Niles ain't fucking an unshaven BITCH! Not even with his EYES CLOSED!
Don't bother reading all of that, I just wanted to show how whiny this guy is. Basically he's pissed off because he keeps getting parking tickets. Yes, parking tickets. Why doesn't he do something like park in between the lines? Fuck man, I can park between the lines and still be parked crooked. It's hilarious to see him trying to equate police brutality to him getting parking tickets, simply for his incredibly low reasoning abilities. Hilariously enough, he has at least three other entries on this same subject. Further information that we tend to pick out the slow people of society for this feature.
His interests also disturb me. He claims to be into Hardcore music, however the only Hardcore bands on his list of interests are the incredibly popish, crap ones (like Avenged Sevenfold) instead of ones that look like Jesus is the lead singer (like The Absence). I think in total there were maybe 5 of his interests that made for a passable human being, otherwise he's a complete fuckwad. I mean, who really listens to KORN or Marilyn Manson except for people forever displaced in the time period of 1998?
He's apparently not funny anymore...Listen, I've read the majority of his journal and none of it is funny in a normal sense. Funny to make fun of or funny in the 'so sad it's funny' sense, yes. Otherwise not at all.
Apparently he's Italian, so now I feel even more justified in hating this person. Mussolini, butchered Brooklyn accents, Sylvester Stallone, all big reasons to hate the Italians. Honestly, I am a fan of the Canadian way of dealing with elderly people, leave them on a mother fucking iceflow to die. Especially those of offensive ethnicities, which as of now are Irish, Hungarian, Italian, and mother fucking Poles.
The rest of his blog is generally about Motorcycles, inane things (like what he's going to do with his fucking hair), or how the police won't stop their brutality of parking tickets; however his paintball team does have a website linked to it, which brings up another great lesson that everyone who ever has played paintball figured out when they were first shot.
Sadly, there's not more I have found out about this guy, simply because I can pretty easily figure out his other flaws as he is like a more retarded version of me, and thus makes me call for his immediate destruction.
ONWARD! Penguin Fury time! UNLEASH HELL!
View previous Livejournal Morons of the Week: