Best viewed in 1280x1024
The Daily Raider is brought to you by the Project for an Unamerican Century and the Ronnie Gardocki Beard Preservation Society. The Daily Raider accepts donations, but we will only use them for liquor, cocaine and South American prostitutes.
Blog Moron of the Week
by Doom
For those of you divorced from context and/or not reading the corresponding update post, this is the fourth anniversary of the site. It's been a long, unrewarding slog, but it's necessary to keep malcontents such as myself off the streets. What does this have to do with this week's Blog Moron? Absolutely nothing. I just wanted to fill some time while I deliberated on what to talk about this week. Yeah, I know this isn't in real time, fuck you. Now where was I? Oh yes. Blog. Losers come in many shapes and colors, but a lot of them share one thing in common: Republican ideology. Republicans attract losers like strip clubs attract men who have distorted perceptions of women and women's "responsibility" to men. Finding a Republican who isn't a pathetic asshole is next to impossible, if not entirely impossible. To prove this, take a look at this week's Blog Moron!
Week 31: http://respublica.typepad.com/respublica/
Respublica, which is indeed a name that's as stupid as it sounds, is apparently written by the wife of a Lutheran pastor. Draw your own conclusion there and if you won't, I will: she's fucking stupid. No one would marry a Lutheran pastor if they didn't believe in God and shit. Unless the guy had a huge dick, although I highly doubt that. Being the wife of a Lutheran pastor also means she holds some pretty conservative views. There are some more progressive Lutheran denominations, including the one I unfortunately spent time in my life being a part of, but they're still fucking stupid. A perusal of the blogroll establishes it as fact insofar as she reads shit like Blogs for Bush even today. Come on! That's fucking nonsense. The rest of her list reads like a rogue's gallery of people really pissed off when Firefly went off the air and/or people who still watch 7th Heaven reruns. This ought to give me some entertainment. Or a migraine. Or both! Let's look:
Here she expresses skepticism of Democratic electoral victory despite it being pretty much preordained at this point, unless Barack Obama is caught eating a watermelon while murdering small children. What she fails to realize when assessing and analyzing the poll results is Congress' approval ratings always lag behind the President's, no matter the ineptitude of the President. You know why? Everyone hates Congress except for their own representatives. It's like sports. Everyone dislikes the teams other than their own. How else does one explain the high incumbent reelection rate besides the disparity between campaign funding with newcomer opponents and primary challengers? It's fucking simple and that she doesn't understand this proves she's fucking stupid. Not as if we needed tons of proof to begin with, but still...
But it's not all politics. Sometimes you get Diane talking about more human interest matters, like people who go to their church. How exciting! The above corresponds to, obviously, someone having a Lutheran tattoo. Whoever has that above two Chinese symbols (I think - I dropped out of Gookerson's language courses last semester) hilariously describes everything wrong with modern American women. Christophilia, adherence to outmoded organized religion, and some Asian characters this chick no doubt doesn't know the meaning of. I've met way too many chicks like that in my life and I'd rather not get laid than compromise my integrity and bang someone with the lack of intelligence to apply such an aesthetically displeasing and ignorant print permanently to their leg. Also, stamping your body is totally against God because the baby Jesus doesn't want you defiling your body with graven images like Chink speak. That Diana praises this bitch shows how boring a person she is. And they're both going to Hell.
Yeah, Obama giving a speech in Berlin and Germans responding to it with cheers is exactly the same as when they cheered for Adolf Hitler. You'll notice Germany has had no political speeches since 1945, nor did they have any before Hitler's political career began. The timeline goes Nothing ----> Hitler ----> Nothing again ----> Obama. I don't know why the fuck anyone would become uneasy upon seeing Germans cheering. For one thing, the German public who supported Hitler for the most part is dead, except for the Pope obviously. That Germany has such incredibly tight restrictions on ensuring "never again" further reduces the potential uneasiness. Diane made the point solely to draw a sleazy connection between Barack Hitler Obama and Adolf Hussein Hitler. If you're going to do Obama = Hitler? at least put some effort into it. Shame on you for your laziness, Diane.
I love this facet of Republican rhetoric. They see people who want to vote for Obama really like Obama, or elsewise why the fuck would they vote for him, and decide the proper way to cut down those uppity assholes is to make fun of them for worshipping Obama like he's Hitler or Jesus or both while forgetting all the Bush love and Reagan fellating the righties engaged in for years. Those fucking Reagan Che shirts predate the Obama merch, that's for sure. Considering the adoration conservatives showered on the government following 9/11, their unfunny jabs at Obama for being like totally like Jesus because they are so equivalent in lib minds are hypocritical. But above all else not funny. How the fuck does Obamapalooza relate to his supposed monarchist and deist attitudes? It's not even approaching clever. More reasons why conservatives ought not try satire or humor of any kind besides According to Jim one-liners.
Now here's something slightly more interesting and definitely more angering! What the fuck is this? I'm not sure how one can measure hugging of children based on ideology, if you even can at all. The idea of right-wingers being more happy than lefties isn't a new one, and it's not one I dismiss, although the idea of it being a good thing is fucking stupid. Ever hear the phrase ignorance is bliss? Yeah. Many Republicans are fucking dumb rich people or shitheads who believe in God. Of course they're happier. They're fucking idiots. Meanwhile, left-leaning people tend to be more intellectual and privy to the atrocities of the world, which in turn leads to depression and sometimes suicide. I'm sure my suicidal impulses are in no small part created by my political beliefs, but I still wouldn't fucking trade them for cowboy boots and and pro-life placard to wave at Planned Parenthood every other Saturday. Oh, and leftists contribute to charities too, they're known as social programs, the very same ones conservatives decry as giving free handouts to fucking niggers and spics and hobos who just want to spend it all on liquor and crack rock. Also, dogs are happier than we are. Should we start up species change operations while we're at it?
While Diane Meyer is certainly a loser and a moron, above all else she imbues boredom. The hardest part of writing this article was finding posts of hers which piqued even a rudimentary amount of interest such that I could spew some good-to-mediocre venom about them. I'm reminded of Homer's accidental turning on of a NASA broadcast and his and Bart's hurried attempts to change the channel. I kept on expecting Diana to begin talking about studying tiny screws in space and how it was all part of God's plan. Dawkins, she is so fucking boring. At least conservatives whose craziness overwhelms them like Parker's symbiote suit provide some amusement whereas the boring church ladies of the blogosphere offer barely-even-observations and posts so dry you imagine it's a reflection of their vaginas. I took two sleeping pills over the course of writing this. It's a wonder I didn't fall asleep.