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Blog Moron of the Week
by Doom, Rammspieler, Generalissimo Furioso and Jedi Guardian
guest starring Isaiah Washington
Week 34: Kaiser Dammerung
We've covered gay Republicans and now it's time to cover another minority within the gay minority. The ever so obscure gay gamer! They say that female gamers are rare but that's just because most of your average 12 year-old Gears of War players still seem to think of girls as the carriers of cooties and would rather insult them first in the hopes of scoring a date with one. On the other hand, nobody hears about gay gamers! Why is that? Because much like Republicans, the gamer community is in itself homophobic. Just look at all the insults that get thrown around during a match of capture the flag. About 90% of those insults are based on asserting that the receiver of the insult is in fact a male who feels sexual attraction for other males. So what happens when Kaiser Dammerung wins a match and is received by a "fuck you you fucking faggot son nigger!"? I think he gets off on it while his boyfriend tosses his salad! To make matters worse. He's a fucking douchebag as can be attested by his sharing the same hometown as Gay Latin Fascist. What pisses me off personally is the fact that just because he has a blog, he's considered by the Puerto Rican gaming community to be some sort of Freddie Mercury of gaming and he has his shit published in the weekly gaming section of the most popular local daily newspaper! Okay, Kaiser. Let's see how you measure up against Gay Republicans!
This has to be the single most unintentionally hilarious things I've ever read on the entire internet (and that includes the discussion with my friend wherein he told me a publisher offered to publish his book under the title Robots of Doom). For one, this isn't just a nerd writing this mess, it's written by a gay nerd which only doubles the "Of course you fucking fag!" factor of the article. The funniest part is that he completely misses the point of his article in the first five minutes of writing it and derails onto something that most people don't know about, The Chola. I hate Cholas too, but they don't compromise the entirety of the female population (much like gay fags like this guy don't compromise the entirety of the gay population; there's also the dead gays that turn up from time to time. ZING!). To summarize my argument I leave you with this simple tidbit: Gay Man says Women are Strange, good fucking night!
Oh...my...God. What the fuck, bitches? Geeking out to Deathly Hallows? Jesus, I respect homosexuals to an extent, but a faggot masturbating to that waste of 40 bucks? What an asshole. Harry Potter stopped being good after the Order of the Phoenix. So it's no surprise that the last book was going to be disappointing. If you read the article that Doom so eloquently wrote on the Raider about the conclusion of this fiasco, at least. Then you should have a clear understanding as to why he loves...no, wait. Jerks off to it! I bet he was into that chapter where Snape dies *shrugs* I wonder if the straight fans (which I doubt there is any) would appreciate this guy being one of the gay fans. Too bad he's not only gay but likes this fan-fiction of a novel for the wrong reason, like being deep. DEPTH? In a Harry Potter book? I bet 2 CAN Dollars that this guy also draws Yaoi crap involving Harry Potter. Seeing as he obsessed with the novels. Fucking awful.
What a fucking sad and desperate nigger this man is. He's quite literally destroying whatever sense of decency I've had about playing video games. That's very hard to do people, considering that I possess no sense of decency (I use various other senses in lieu of it since it was destroyed in Brain War 5: Attack of the Crippling Depression). What's sadder than someone who has to plan to play video games in their future. It's not like there's a fucking lack of video games coming out soon or anything! Hell, I go to school and I work a job, yet I somehow manage to get in more game time than some of these cocky little freaks (STARFOX REFERENCE FOR THE BARREL ROLL!). Makes me wonder why the hell you even consider it your goddamn hobby if you have to fucking make a schedule for it! Fucking faggot.
That's not bad genes, it's just that you're too gay to have a full beard, Kaiser. I like how this fuck complains about not getting facial like his dad or brother. Well, duh! You're gay. Fags don't get real facial hair. He says he looks like a teenager, but to me he looks like a gay Latino, ready to suck some chipotle flavored cock (talk about an unwanted picture inside my head), Kaiser quotes "what the fuck are you bitching about you whiny little cock fairy, you practically got it made when it comes to facial hair, I mean you only have to shave like every three days". I don't know about you, but I think he just insulted himself. Cock fairy? No self-respecting homosexual would call himself that! Maybe ironically. I love how 'cock fairy' insults his (or her) on this abortion of a paragraph. I'm sure if I was his mother, I'd rip his lips off. Maybe Kaiser could always fix his peach fuzz by just fucking shaving it off. No reason to keep it on. You can't go down on your boyfriend with that algae for facial hair. Goddamnit.
One must remember we don't hate this guy solely because he's gay. That's a peripheral reason we latch onto because we're horrible people who get pleasure out of unwarranted character assassination on cheap grounds. The main point for despising his uselessness is he's a nerd who cares about shit like Harry Potter and goddamn video games. Who cares about that shit? Fucking idiots, that's who. Therefore, they deserve to be called out and mocked without restraint. For research I read more of his blog and it's fucking terrible horseshit. Just goddamn nerdy bullshit. Who in the fuck defines themselves by their interest in a fucking bullshit medium such as video games? I'm leaving that one as rhetorical. Worse yet is his writing style; it reads as, fuck, I don't know, one of those SA fag Nazis who got killed in Night of the Long Knives. He totally Rohms it up when he pens awful entries in combinations of snarky Whedon speak and, well, snarky Whedon speak sums it up well enough. It's fucking difficult to read if you've not imbibed incredible amounts of alcohol. I did that, but it was still a goddamn pain.
It would be a crime to rob you of an Isaiah Washington appearance when such a specimen as Kaiser Gay is his field of expertise, so here it goes. ISAIAH WASHINGTON IN THE HOUSE, BOYS!!!!
Faggot. That's all this is: faggot. I need more? All right, I'll go along with it, ain't like fucking Homowood lets me have any other jobs now. Kaiser Dammerung is a dangerous faggot. He might not look it, but he is. The reason he is dangerous is that all faggots are dangerous. They are. It is because of the unique, malformed protein they carry in their body - a prion I term "faggot" - that can and will infect all those they come in connect to. Kaiser has it, Clay Aiken has it, that faggot T.R. Knight has it. It can be transferred through fluids - gay fluids - as well as touch and through the atmosphere. This is why more cases of faggotry break out than 50 years ago. There's no way to cure homosexuality yet. The only way to ensure you're not infected is to wear a biohazard suit and live in a clean home. I follow both procedures and as such have been faggot-free my entire life. If you want to kill a faggot, use Raid. They're like cockroaches in this respect. Stomping them will also work if you do it multiple times. I think this is enough information for you. Remember, kill a faggot before the he-she kills you. Good night and good luck.
Homosexuals, like gamers, are a hated and feared minority. And like minorities that actually matter, the two groups hate each other. This blog if nothing else shows the two should end their fighting and join together because, really, they're on the same level of weird and sickening. Homosexuals dress all girly and like cylinder shaped objects up their anal cavity and gamers enjoy controlling a nonexistent person in a nonexistent world because their accomplishments in the material world do not exist. Neither receive any respect in the political arena and many still choose to not readily disclose their forbidden predilection. Gays and gamers have more in common than they have differences; can you really say a gay man and a gamer man don't wank off to similar material (a big, muscular man vs. Master Chief). No, you can't. Therefore, I propose a Homosexual-Gamer co-prosperity sphere in which both can bitch about mistreatment and think about muscular guys.